When did anger become our default emotion?

The world is a pressure cooker, and we’re all boiling over. But what if feeling angry isn’t just justified, but necessary?

When was the last time you weren’t angry? Not just irritated by traffic or unsteady  WiFi, but genuinely furious—at your job, at the news, at the cost of living, at the way nothing ever seems to change for the better. The rent is too high, the salaries too low, and the people in power seem allergic to accountability. Ceasefires don’t hold. Protests go unheard. No one is even listening. Rage in modern society shows no sign of abating. Anger management is not something we are equipped to practice. 

A 2024 paper in Crown Counseling by Dr. Elka Jacobs-Pinson found that the average adult experiences anger approximately 14 times a week. Thirty per cent  of adults admit they struggle to control their anger. More than 40 per cent of those with anxiety disorders report experiencing significant anger issues, and over 30 per cent of those suffering from depression have frequent anger outbursts.

But here’s the thing—anger isn’t an overreaction. It’s a symptom—that of exhaustion, of frustration, of constantly being expected to simply deal with it.

The surprising link between anger and productivity

Anger is usually seen as a negative force—something to be controlled, suppressed, or even feared. But research suggests otherwise. A 2023 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that anger can actually enhance one’s problem-solving skills. Participants who experienced anger performed nearly 40 per cent better on complex anagrams than those in a neutral state. The report explains how anger fuels persistence, helping people stay focused on challenges rather than avoiding them. “Think of anger as an internal alarm system signaling that something isn't right,” says Dr Chandni Tugnait, founder-director of Gateway of Healing. “A boundary has been crossed, a need isn't being met, or a value is being challenged.” 

This is why anger has historically played a key role in social and political movements, from protests to cultural reckoning. It’s the driving force behind viral call-outs, workplace revolts, and some of the most influential art and literature. Abbas Momin, 36, a Mumbai-based podcaster and writer, turns his anger into content. At a comedy workshop, he was advised to list things that made him angry to overcome his writer’s block—it worked. His podcast, Has It Aged Well?, uses films like Swades (2004) as a lens to rant about contemporary issues that plague society. 

“Controlled anger actually enhances mental clarity and focus,” adds Tugnait. “It helps filter out distractions and zeros in on the immediate challenge. When angry, the brain shifts from avoidance to approach mode, making it easier to confront challenges directly.” In other words, anger—when understood and directed—can drive and change.

How Bollywood and pop culture shaped our views on anger

Why does anger have a bad reputation? In India, the ‘angry young man’ trope has played a huge role, thanks to Bollywood’s long history of glorifying rage among male characters.  Films like Kabir Singh (2019) and Animal (2023) further reinforce  the idea that anger equals  masculinity, making aggression alike a natural response for men. 

“The moment you say ‘masculine,’ you have an image of someone gritting their teeth and flexing their muscles, and not a man who’s calm or composed. The idea of a man as a warrior or fighter exists even in superhero comics, where he has to beat up the bad guy,” says Momin, who grew up watching films along the lines of Gladiator, where rage was the only acceptable way for a man to process his emotions. The takeaway? That talking about your feelings and resorting to suppressed emotions makes you appear weak. 

Anger is also justified when it’s seen as a teaching tool—when people believe a loud, aggressive outburst forces someone to ‘learn a lesson’. “There’s also a glorification and justification of anger when people say it made someone learn a lesson, and that a comparatively calmer approach wouldn’t have had the same impact,” adds Momin. He grew up in a household where his father’s outbursts were accepted as normal. His mother, in turn, would release her frustration on  the house help—a chain reaction of unprocessed anger. 

A raging gap: Why women’s anger is judged differently  

A 2023 study states women express anger less frequently than they actually feel it. So is there a link between gender and anger? “Gender stereotypes lead women to avoid expressions of anger. Women avoid expressing anger because it supposedly disconfirms stereotypical prescriptions for women to be kind and caring,” the study states. And science backs this up: Research from Penn Medicine News at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine suggests that women have a larger orbital frontal cortex—the part of the brain that plays a part in controlling aggressive impulses. This could perhaps help explain why some women are likely to hold back on explosive outbursts.

Nowhere is the difference more evident than at the workplace. There’s a certain level of emasculation that comes with a man not standing up for himself when he’s being yelled at by a woman co-worker. “And it’s bound to come up during a water-cooler conversation among other male colleagues as a joke—about how the man just ‘took it from a woman’,” says Momin, who’s seen a senior woman boss raise her voice at a junior for legitimate reasons, and gotten yelled back at. In all probability, this wouldn’t have happened had the person in a position of power had been a man. “Women displaying anger at the workplace get typecast quickly into being ‘difficult to work with’ or ‘short-tempered’. A man, meanwhile, will be lauded for trying to be accurate. If a man is angry, it’ll be considered to be for a legitimate reason, versus a woman, who’ll just be called ‘cranky’,” he adds.  

Women’s anger isn’t just dismissed—it’s actively discouraged. Sohini Ghosh, 27, a Delhi-based arts marketing manager, knows this all too well. She has internalised the judgement ‘angry’ women face, simply for speaking up. Ghosh, who grew up with parents resorting to yelling as the only means of resolving disagreements between them, admits to being short-tempered at home. But, in public, she holds her anger back and channels it into constant complaining. “Maybe because my mom told me that if I was openly angry in public, I won’t have any friends,” she says.

From anxiety to outbursts: How unprocessed anger affects mental health 

Society often teaches people to suppress or deny uncomfortable emotions such as anger, often making them feel unheard and invalidated. “This can be especially true for certain demographics who are often stereotyped as overly emotional or aggressive. When people feel like their anger isn't accepted, they may become even more frustrated, leading to a vicious cycle of escalating emotions,” explains Tugnait. 

Bohni Bandyopadhyay, 37, a Mumbai-based journalist was labelled a ‘monster’ in the newsroom simply for talking back or snapping at repeated mistakes—something that wouldn’t have been made into an issue for a man. “Each time I get angry, I remember the angrier version of me from a decade ago. Work pressure from your boss is not an excuse to treat people like shit,” says Bandyopadhyay. Now, she apologises  even when she raises her voice for a valid reason. 

Growing up, Bandyopadhyay’s close friends would point out how loud or angry she usually was, making her second-guess herself. The label stuck, and with time, only escalated her anxiety.  

Anger is also tied to the concept of power dynamics. “You get angry because you are trying to hold on to the power and need to get something done your way,” explains Bandyopadhyay. In her parents’ relationship, for instance, her mother would cry when angry—a way of processing emotions differently, highlighting how societal norms often dictate who gets to express anger freely and who is judged for it.  

Can anger be healthy? Here’s what experts say

Some have cracked the code for healthy anger by navigating the emotion without letting it consume them. Aniket Chaturvedi, 30, a Delhi-based saxophonist was taught by his father that losing control of his anger means losing control of the narrative. “Being angry is an honest expression. If you take it away from the urge to react, you stand to gain a lot of things, instead of feeding into the other person’s impulsive energy,” says Chaturvedi. He realised being angry didn’t mean he had the right to make someone feel bad. And the calmer he was, the more people opened up to him, helping him see that their anger often stemmed from their own struggles. 

However, not everyone deals with anger by sitting with it. Some need an outlet—something physical, immediate, and even destructive. So, are rage rooms the answer? “Until you sit with your anger and deal with it at the root, you’re not truly addressing it,” says Nikita Mahajan, 31, a cognitive behavioural coach practising in Gurugram. “A rage room can work for some people as a form of catharsis, helping them release pent-up emotions. But if you’re constantly smashing things to cope with anger and relying on violence as an outlet for release, how is that benefiting you in the long run?” 

Chaturvedi found healthier ways to process and cope with his anger—journaling, initially to improve his English, but later as a way to clear his mind, and playing music. “Channeling my anger makes my playing [music] more honest. I like being a little furious in my playing because I can’t escape who I am,” he says. 

Not everyone finds it easy to detach, especially in the day and age of instant gratification. Bandyopadhyay, for instance, struggles to regulate emotions in the same way. Instead she found an outlet in dance, something she returned to after experiencing a toxic workspace.

There are other ways to express your anger without letting it creep into your tone or words. It’s a skill that Ghosh admires in her friends. “Anger is a form of expression, just like love and happiness. People also show love aggressively, which can give love a negative connotation, no?”

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