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The accelerated tempo of life has pushed us to pay bite-sized attention to our friendships. Are low-maintenance friendships, then, just a matter of convenience?

Are low-maintenance friendships really just one-sided situationships?

Our overwhelmingly busy lives, coupled with the dominance of the time we spend on our phones, means that we pay bite-sized attention to our friendships. Are low-maintenance friendships, then, just a matter of convenience?

Some of us, by pure instinct, message a friend as soon as something minor—whether good or bad—transpires in our lives. Meanwhile, some of us often claim with pride how we can go for months without talking to a friend and can pick up from where we left off. Enter: low-maintenance friendships. Popular on social media as the ‘it’ girl of friendships, these equations are high on closeness and low on effort. In a world dominated by busy schedules and the amount of time we spend online, are we now paying bite-sized attention to the many areas of our life—even our friendships? We speak to experts to know more about the pros and cons of low-maintenance friendships.

What does a low-maintenance friendship entail?

That friend living overseas whom you connect with thrice a year, or an extremely overworked friend who ends up cancelling plans at the last minute despite living right around the corner and, yet, you manage to keep the affection in your bond alive—these are low-maintenance friendships. 

Low-maintenance friendships are built on the ability to maintain a strong connection despite infrequent communication, says Utkarsha Jagga. Image: Dupe

Low-maintenance friendships are built on the ability to maintain a strong connection despite infrequent communication, says Utkarsha Jagga. Image: Dupe

Popular on social media as the ‘it’ girl of friendships, low maintenance  equations are high on closeness and low on effort. Image: Dupe 

Popular on social media as the ‘it’ girl of friendships, low maintenance  equations are high on closeness and low on effort. Image: Dupe 

“Low-maintenance friendships are built on mutual understanding, trust, and the ability to maintain a strong connection despite infrequent communication. These can be understood as friendships which allow individuals to feel secure in the relationship without repeated engagement or constant communication,” says Utkarsha Jagga, a counselling psychologist and founder, The Coping Central. “While these friendships can be convenient, they often go beyond that—they reflect a respect for each other’s time, emotional independence, and differing life circumstances,” she adds. Unlike a relationship at home or at work that demands multiple forms of investments daily, a low-maintenance friendship can be a boon, but can inadvertently become a bane before you know it.

The problem with low-maintenance friendships

The idea of holding on to something without putting in the work on a regular basis probably sounds like what most of us could do with today. However, a low-maintenance friendship can be a slippery slope. According to clinical psychologist and founder, Mind Tribe, Dr Prerna Kohli, “Such friendships often arise from a place of empathy, where both the close friends recognise each other’s priorities and responsibilities. However, for some, convenience may be mistaken for effortlessness, which can undermine the emotional connection of such relationships.” 

“FOR INDIVIDUALS WHO REQUIRE FREQUENT EMOTIONAL REASSURANCE OR CONSISTENT COMMUNICATION TO FEEL VALUED, LOW-MAINTENANCE FRIENDSHIPS COULD EVOKE FEELINGS OF NEGLECT OR ISOLATION”

Dr Prerana Kohli

One of the concerning red flags of a low-maintenance friendship? It is, oftentimes, misconstrued as a relationship that requires little to no effort. Add social media’s half-baked romanticisation of the concept, and you have a perfect recipe for a distorted narrative of low-maintenance friendships. In the bargain, the needs of individuals with high sensitivity or emotional support are likely to be discounted.

“The popularity of low-maintenance friendships on social media likely reflects the current realities of modern life—busy schedules, increased responsibilities, and the pressure to maintain a work-life balance; they symbolise a type of connection that feels meaningful without being overly demanding. However, the glamorised version of such bonds often overlook the effort and trust that goes into maintaining them,” says Kohli. “Imagine if we treated other types of relationships this way… “oh my husband is so low maintenance, we only speak to each other once a week”. Friendships that only consist of occasional interactions do exist—I have them myself—but they could be low-value, and more like acquaintances,” read a user’s post on Reddit.

Low maintenance friendships are, oftentimes, misconstrued as a relationship that requires little to no effort. Image: Dupe

Low maintenance friendships are, oftentimes, misconstrued as a relationship that requires little to no effort. Image: Dupe

If the onus of initiating plans to meet and dropping check-in messages is always on one friend, it can be unfair at first, and frustrating with time. Image: Pexels

If the onus of initiating plans to meet and dropping check-in messages is always on one friend, it can be unfair at first, and frustrating with time. Image: Pexels

Friendships can become all the more complicated when they are one-sided. If the onus of initiating plans to meet and dropping check-in messages is always on one friend, it can be unfair at first, and frustrating with time. “For individuals who require frequent emotional reassurance or consistent communication to feel valued, low-maintenance friendships could evoke feelings of neglect or isolation,” says Kohli. While low-maintenance friendships are often lauded for the personal space they provide individuals with, it can eventually spiral into distance, and that’s what many don’t realise. “In such friendships, it’s easy to unintentionally create an emotional rift or hurt caused by the distance,” says relationship counsellor and psychologist Ruchi Ruuh. “When people become resentful, it can lead to a falling out.” 

“WHILE THESE FRIENDSHIPS CAN BE CONVENIENT, THEY OFTEN GO BEYOND THAT—THEY REFLECT A RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER’S TIME, EMOTIONAL INDEPENDENCE, AND DIFFERING LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES”

Utkarsha Jagga

Besides hyping up low-maintenance friendships for us, social media is also to be blamed for engendering a skewed perception of friendships. Instagram is full of memes about sharing different memes with different friends, and while there is a place for that, it cannot replace genuine personal communication. Forwarding something on WhatsApp regularly or exchanging memes or posts on Instagram or Snapchat coaxes you into believing that you’re in touch with someone, albeit, it’s nothing more than an illusion. Our attention spans are shrinking, and so is our capability to engage at a meaningful level via such surface-level communications. If your low-maintenance friendship has entirely downplayed initiating deeper conversations, irrespective of the medium and frequency that works mutually, it’s time for introspection. 

How to get low-maintenance friendships right

For an individual who had to move cities or countries for their education or career, for someone who got married or had children earlier than their peers, or for someone who is simply an introvert, low-maintenance friendships can be both comforting and effortless. “Low-maintenance friendships are not inherently good or bad—it depends on the preferences of the persons involved,” says Hansika Kapoor, a psychologist with Monk Prayogshala. 

“Friendships are sustainable when the needs of everyone involved are being addressed, met, and taken care of,” says Jagga. “An individual might be a low-maintenance friend to someone, and the same person might be a high-maintenance friend to another. Both friendships can be equally fulfilling when built on a foundation of trust, support, and mutual understanding of needs.”

Be present for the big moments in life or when they reach out for help, says Ruchi Ruuh, on how you can protect the bond of a low maintenance friendship. Image: Dupe

Be present for the big moments in life or when they reach out for help, says Ruchi Ruuh, on how you can protect the bond of a low maintenance friendship. Image: Dupe

“Low-maintenance friendships are not inherently good or bad—it depends on the preferences of the persons involved,” says Hansika Kapoor. Image: Dupe

“Low-maintenance friendships are not inherently good or bad—it depends on the preferences of the persons involved,” says Hansika Kapoor. Image: Dupe

Like any other relationship, a low-maintenance friendship call for open communication and drawing boundaries. “Discuss openly the expectations of the friendships—these conversations are especially important if you feel your needs are unmet or there are mismatched expectations. Be present for the big moments in life or when they reach out for help; a quick call, a thoughtful message, or an inside joke can strengthen the bond,” suggests Ruuh. It could be nice to discover your low-maintenance friend’s ‘friendship language’ (similar to love languages) and share a token of love, whether it’s through a message or a present every once in a while. Since everyday conversations may not be feasible, Ruuh recommends letting them know when life gets hectic or when you need some time away. “It is important to keep the friend informed so that they are assured about you; avoid letting too much time pass without checking in.”

If you’re questioning the integrity of your low-maintenance friendship, here are some signs to look out for. “If they consistently fail to show up during critical moments in your life, if they dismiss your efforts to stay in touch or trivialise your concerns, if there is a pattern of lack of reciprocity, or if they use ‘low-maintenance’ as an excuse to avoid responsibility or effort in the relationship,” you know there’s a problem, warns Kohli.

If the friendship is built on a sense of mutual respect and understanding for each other, it will not matter if it is a high or low-maintenance friendship, opines Kapoor. “There is no right way to develop a deep, meaningful friendship, and low-maintenance friendships don’t have to mean low-intention ones,” concludes Jagga.

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