Here’s why expressing anger might be good for you

Acknowledging and validating your anger as a healthy emotion could prevent you from slipping into a depressed-like state

Given the inherent complexities within our psychological makeup, anger appears to be an underappreciated aspect of human emotion. Societal norms often convey a message that encourages the suppression of anger, implying that it is undesirable or unproductive. In contrast, emotions like empathy and vulnerability are frequently extolled, creating an environment where expressing anger is often frowned upon. The prevailing narrative suggests that our outward demeanour should primarily exude positivity, leaving little room for acknowledging anger.

Don’t be angry, they say

This societal inclination might be due to the discomfort that anger can trigger in interpersonal dynamics. The expectation to present oneself cheerfully and optimistically can invalidate feelings of anger, generating the common query: “Why the long face?” The collective subconscious seems inclined to overlook the legitimacy of anger as an authentic human emotion.

Science, too, seems to make a case for individuals to avoid anger as it has been associated with an increased risk of hypertension and worsened pain management. People with mental health conditions who show pathological levels of anger also have higher levels of suicidality and self-harm. 

The archetype

In his book Protest Psychosis, psychiatrist Jonathan Metzl delves into a compelling narrative that sheds light on the historical context of how Black Americans advocating for civil rights during the latter half of the 20th century were diagnosed with and medicated for schizophrenia. This intriguing exploration uncovers the unsettling phenomenon of societal-level gaslighting, where the passionate expression of legitimate anger was mischaracterised and pathologised.

Regrettably, this form of gaslighting persists even today. Former First Lady of the United States of America Michelle Obama provides a poignant example in her autobiography, Becoming, where she candidly recounts her experience of being unfairly reduced to the stereotype of an “Angry Black Woman” by critics of her husband Barack Obama’s policies and actions.

Let it all out

According to counsellor Viraj Mehta, anger helps draw our attention to a natural injustice occurring in our environment, which might damage our well-being if we do not pay attention. “It activates a number of hormones and neurotransmitters in our body to prepare us to fight if we need to. What we then choose to do with the energy is not anger. Anger is the energy,” he says. 

Rooted in childhood?

In 2017, tech professional Maitryee Roy made a significant life decision to relocate from Kolkata to Bengaluru in pursuit of maintaining a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend of three years. The choice to uproot herself for the sake of this relationship initially felt affirming as she prepared to embark on a new chapter in a new city. However, her plans took an unexpected turn just before she was set to make the move.

In the days leading up to her departure, her boyfriend expressed a desire to take a break in their relationship. He cited the intensity of her relocation decision as a factor that had made the reality of the situation “all too real” for him. “He confessed to feeling unprepared for the responsibility of being the sole pillar of support I could depend on. He proposed to shift our relationship to a platonic friendship, where he would still assist in setting up my new living arrangements without the commitment of a full-time boyfriend role,” she says. 

Roy’s emotional response to this unexpected turn of events was a mixture of hurt and anger. Her initial excitement about reshaping her life around the relationship gave way to a sense of betrayal and frustration. She grappled with conflicting emotions: her readiness to make substantial changes versus his apprehension and withdrawal from the commitment.

Despite the upheaval in her personal life, Roy found herself in a challenging position professionally as well. The process of relocating and the related formalities had been completed, and she was looking forward to her new role within a multinational corporation. This duality of personal and professional circumstances added complexity to her emotional state.

In her own words, Roy described her feelings as “distraught and very angry.” But she chose not to have an honest conversation about the situation with her boyfriend then. Instead, she decided to avoid the problem and bury herself in work. A year later, she decided to seek therapy. “I was miserable. It has been a year, and I had not made any new friends in the city. It was just work and home for me; I was slipping into a depressed-like state,” she says. 

In therapy, Roy learned she suppressed her anger because she could never express it. “My therapist told me something that stuck with me: ‘The age that the emotion was forbidden and ‘frozen’ in you is the point at which your ability to express it gets frozen too.’ This means that if someone has had their anger crushed at the age of three, they will always express their anger at the age of three—it will not have matured or gained in skill or nuance,” she says. 

Mumbai-based licensed psychologist Vidya Sharma says when children manifest intense anger, particularly within the age range of 2-3 years, such emotional expression is considered developmentally normal and harmless. But, when a similar manifestation of anger, akin to that exhibited by a 2-3 year-old, is displayed by an adult, it can potentially lead to hazardous outcomes. “Such emotional outbursts might spiral out of control, lacking the restraint and maturity typically expected of adults, thus resembling what can be described as an ‘unbridled tantrum’. Such instances can sometimes be observed during air travel, where individuals succumb to their temper and exhibit behaviours akin to toddlers, involving shouting to draw attention to their perceived significance,” she says. 

Flipping it on its head

Thirty-two-year-old New Delhi native and banker Shashank has been grappling with persistent challenges related to managing his anger all his life. Shashank’s ability to sustain a composed perspective becomes compromised when he encounters frustration. Consequently, he is susceptible to being emotionally provoked by situations that activate these underlying frustrations. “I fall short in mindfully acknowledging and embracing these thoughts and emotions. During these moments of neglect, my anger tends to manifest itself. This is typically observed through sudden and uncontrolled outbursts directed at others,” he says. 

The tendency to have irrational outbursts has cost Shashank promotions at work in the past, with his team lead telling him his anger would cost the company business. “I was even asked to go on a sabbatical once. The company offered to pay for anger management therapy. I felt embarrassed. It’s when I decided to seek professional help,” he says. 

In the past year, Shashank has learned to take into consideration that anger can be regarded as a manifestation of accumulated energy. He’s been asked to channel this energy before it escalates into rage. He has recently taken up boxing to expend his anger. He does it for half an hour, thrice a week. “I have noticed a reduction in experiencing anger, but I feel I still have a lot more work to do,” he says.

Mehta says there is value in being able to experience anger. “To experience something is to ‘stay with it at the moment as it evolves,’ being aware and alert to it, acknowledging it (privately) and noticing its effects on your thinking. The thoughts, the feelings, the sensations of being angry are always specific and here-and-now. There is absolutely no requirement or demand that they be ‘expressed,’ as in, turning them into some form of action directed at others or smashing things, or anything like that.”

So, is anger good?

While it is accurate that feelings of anger often carry an uncomfortable sensation, Sharma says when we experience anger, our brain’s neural signals exhibit a state of “approach” activation, akin to the patterns observed during positive emotions such as joy. “This emotional state is also mirrored in our facial expressions. The orbicularis oculi muscles, located beneath the eyes, involuntarily engage when we smile. This phenomenon allows one to discern a genuine smile from a contrived one by observing the absence of these muscle movements. Notably, it has been revealed that during episodes of anger, these muscles exhibit subtle contractions as well.

However, it is essential to clarify that this observation does not imply that anger elicits a pleasurable sensation. Instead, it signifies that anger, much like joy, operates as an “approach” emotion rather than an inclination to withdraw. “This emotional framework is a motivational catalyst, propelling us towards action rather than inducing a retreat. This interplay between the orientation towards engagement and the concurrent physiological arousal, typified by heightened heart rate, tense musculature and focused attention, collectively readies us for decisive action when experiencing anger," says Sharma.

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