While the festive season usually equals joy and celebration, for some, it can bring about outbursts of stress, anxiety or depression
More family time, mithai, shopping sprees, and houses decked in light and colour. This pretty much sums up the four-month-long festive season in India. That most weddings also take place during the same period, makes the last quarter of the year a hot season for celebrations. Customarily, celebrations imply happiness. However, this may not be so for everyone. The so-called season of joy could bring about a slew of mental health complications for some individuals. “People have different emotions and feelings towards festivals due to the intricate interplay of personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, beliefs, and individual preferences. Personal experiences—whether positive or negative—can shape one's emotions, while beliefs and values play a crucial role in defining the meaning and importance of these events,” says counsellor and psychologist Ruchi Ruuh. We try to decipher the factors that could lead to an oblivious or perturbing attitude towards celebrations, and how one can overcome them organically.
The reasons of indifference are manifold
“Nature and nurture both play a major role,” says Shaurya Gahlawat, a psychologist and psychotherapist. “Parenting, conditioning, and a general feeling towards celebrating and socialising varies from person to person, and their feelings towards family/friends/social gatherings affect their emotional connection towards festivals,” she adds. “Festivals in themselves are times of heightened focus and intensity. People attach meaning and create a vision in their minds about how a celebration should ideally look and be—who is present, the food, the conversation, the vibe, and the flow. People invest their energies and emotions in and around the day(s). As emotions are heightened, emotional resilience may wear thin and some people might be triggered more than usual,” explains Mamta Saha, a psychologist and author of the e-book JUST IN TIME: Reflections for Strength & Clarity. Depending on the experience derived from such emotional and physical efforts, people either associate negative or positive feelings towards festivities, apprises Saha.
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People have different emotions and feelings towards festivals due to the intricate interplay of personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, beliefs, and individual preferences, shares Ruchi Ruuh. Image: Pexels
According to psychologist and psychotherapist Ekta Khurana, those dealing with loss, mental health issues, or a feeling of being overwhelmed due to social comparisons or expectations, can go through augmented waves of anxiety, stress, or even depression, which is subjective. “One might feel pressure to socialise, attend gatherings, and meet family and friends. If you don’t already share a good dynamic with your family due to differences in opinion or comparison, it can be an extremely anxiety-inducing situation. With the kind of inflation we are seeing and the standards of celebration going up, one might feel the financial strain too,” says Ruuh. It goes without saying that if someone is already struggling with a mental health concern or has social anxiety, it makes the person even more vulnerable during bustling times.
Childhood and family background play a key role
Besides existing mental health complications, what you’ve grown up seeing influences the way you perceive things—especially festivals—given that they share a deep-rooted connection with family and friends. “Festivals create a sense of continuity, belonging and identity with one’s self, family values and their identity as a social group,” says Ruuh. Therefore, the traditions that families follow and encourage future generations to follow can have a long-lasting impact, believes Gahlawat.
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Besides existing mental health complications, what you’ve grown up seeing influences the way you perceive things—especially festivals—given that they share a deep-rooted connection with family and friends. Image: Pexels
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Maybe your family loved getting together, looked for reasons to connect and enjoyed an overall sense of togetherness. There is a high likelihood that you may also prefer the same during the festive season, says Shaurya Gahlawat. Image: Pexels
“What you grow up seeing, stays with you, both pleasant and unpleasant. Maybe your family loved getting together, looked for reasons to connect and enjoyed an overall sense of togetherness. There is a high likelihood that you may also prefer the same during the festive season,” explains Gahlawat, “On the other hand, if your childhood had quieter times (or even irritation, anger, or avoidance towards festivities), you might find more comfort in solitude or may not consider festivals to be a big deal.” Saha concurs, adding, “Those who have typically faced a difficult childhood where they were not seen, heard, or recognised and may have felt abandoned, unloved, and emotionally neglected are more likely to feel averse to festivals.”
The ‘me-versus-others’ dilemma
Think about this—through a discussion (between two classmates) one friend ascertains many rituals and family get-togethers slated to take place in the other friend’s house to celebrate an upcoming festival, while the day is just like any other in his home. It’s not difficult to comprehend why the first friend could develop resistance towards the festival—be it something as simple as feeling FOMO to questioning the value systems and cultural importance shared in his family’s ecosystem, which includes him too. “People have access to others’ wins at the click of a finger. They may spend their time analysing what others are doing and this may, in turn, make them question their own life and choices. If they aren’t secure as individuals, this could lead to feelings of inadequacy or being ‘not good enough’,” says Saha.
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“People have access to others’ wins at the click of a finger. They may spend their time analysing what others are doing and this may, in turn, make them question their own life and choices. If they aren’t secure as individuals, this could lead to feelings of inadequacy or being ‘not good enough’,” says Mamta Saha. Image: Pexels
Despite umpteen reminders, people refuse to believe that social media is just that—a representation on an application that barely lends any real perspective into one’s life. Social media continues to be a powerful agency that can mess around with your mind in no time. “Thanks to social media, comparison has become a regular part of life for most people, not just during festivals. However, festivals do add to the feeling of ‘the grass is greener on the other side’. When you see people only showcase the fun or good sides of their lives, it can be hurtful, especially if you are not enjoying the festive time yourself,” says Gahlawat. “However, remind yourself that social media is a lie and you do not have a holistic picture of their lives. People are only seeking validation and you cannot let this impact you negatively. Allow yourself to be happy for another without jealousy, anger, or hatred,” she advises.
Don’t get pressured into feeling happy
Allow yourself to feel your feelings, advises Gahlawat, as the more you run away from your emotions, the faster they chase you. “Be loving, compassionate, and supportive towards yourself. If you’re not happy from within, external happiness will only be a mask. You cannot be cheerful all the time and that is okay. Limit social media use to avoid comparison, anger or sadness and be more mindful towards self-care. Indulge in activities and experiences that bring you peace and joy, instead of following the herd.”
“THOSE WHO HAVE TYPICALLY FACED A DIFFICULT CHILDHOOD WHERE THEY WERE NOT SEEN, HEARD, OR RECOGNISED AND MAY HAVE FELT ABANDONED, UNLOVED, AND EMOTIONALLY NEGLECTED ARE MORE LIKELY TO FEEL AVERSE TO FESTIVALS”
Mamta Saha
Khurana also recommends engaging in meaningful activities that bring genuine happiness, as well as embody the actual festive spirit. “Helping someone in need, spending quality time with family, or practising gratitude could be helpful.” Saha recommends taking time out to just decompress. “Be in nature. Go for book dates and coffees with yourself or with friends that make you feel good. Bow out of things that don’t give you the feeling that you can be your whole self. Incorporate a little self-care ritual of eating and sleeping well, and having time to just stop and be,” she says. “And, don’t be afraid to seek professional help, if you feel the need to.”
Ruuh believes setting realistic expectations about what and how much you can do based on your emotional and financial strength is important. “Acknowledge if you are feeling sad, overwhelmed, or unhappy. Sometimes we try to sugarcoat negative feelings but they resurface as stress, anxiety, or even depressive thoughts.” Don’t judge, don’t compare—just embrace, concludes Gahlawat.
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