Kink in India isn’t about shock value, it’s about agency

In a dimly-lit bar in Delhi, cocktails named Booty Call and Cuffing come with playful sides— handcuffs, dice inscribed with words like“bite” and “blindfold”, even condoms tucked within the bill folder. It feels neither forced nor gimmicky. The Love Hotel Bar by The Olive Group is gently nudging a sex-positive culture toward more open conversations around kink in India.

“Art, in its many forms, has always pushed the boundaries of thought and expression. It helps open society’s mind,” says its founder and managing director, AD Singh. “Though there’s still a lot of hypocrisy and one-sided, unreasonable values prevailing even today.” 

In a culture where the word ‘sex’ still makes people flinch, these spaces offer something softer: permission. “When kink-coded experiences are presented as art, they’re not taboo—they’re thoughtful,” says Anushka Gupta, co-founder of sexual wellness brand, MyMuse  “That shift in framing makes people feel seen, not judged. It’s not about being explicit, but creating an atmosphere where people feel safe to lean into desire. Exploring your desires shouldn’t be intimidating–pleasure should feel safe, not performative,” she adds.

Gupta credits social media and content creators like Seema Anand and Leeza Mangaldas for the normalisation of pleasure and kinks in India, alongside easier access to sex toys, chastity belts, and even floggers on Blinkit and Amazon. Furthermore, Instagram, Telegram, and Discord have also played their parts, creating discreet spaces for exploring one’s kinks. Pop culture has played its role too, with books like EL James’ Fifty Shades of Grey(2011) making smut mainstream. Its film version, released in 2015, made it easier for Indian audiences to encounter and explore these themes.

In real life, kink in India is evolving through underground meetups, munches, and subcultures that are gradually becoming more visible. In 2013, a photo exhibition in Delhi by the Kinky Collective, titled Bound to be Free, explored BDSM visually. Fetish fashion brands like Subculture have normalised kink aesthetics since 2021. Events such as queer-specific munches, Kinky Queer Kolkata’s gatherings, and The Erotic Edge Film Festival—with a kink-focussed line-up—now in its third edition are reshaping the narrative. 

It’s a sharp shift from the old Bollywood trope where kink was either portrayed as villainous or for comic relief. For instance, in Dil Chahta Hai(2001), Saif Ali Khan’s character is shown being robbed soon after he gave bondage a shot. 

The stigma surrounding kink in India 

Aditya, co-founder of the voluntary group, Kinky Collective, has witnessed this evolution in India firsthand since 2000. He recalls the early years, when people were too afraid to even attend casual social gatherings, munches, or even talk about their kinks, out of fear of being recognised for their interest in kink in India.

“For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me. It was only when I got access to the internet that I realised I was not sick,” he says. “The practice of kink is not illegal. The fear is not about prosecution, but persecution in a country where there’s still no sex education nor any understanding of consent or boundaries. But, India is the land of Kama Sutra. And kink is inherent in humans and isn’t just a Western phenomenon. Kink-shaming is a colonial hangover, thanks to two centuries of British rule and Christian morality,” says Aditya. 

Internalised shame still runs deep among those exploring kink in India. When someone feels ashamed of what turns them on, the message is clear: to keep your feelings hidden, not ask questions or take up space. “That silencing doesn’t stop at the bedroom but spills into how we talk (or don’t) about anxiety, trauma, identity, and self-worth,” says Gupta. 

The self-judgment goes away as Asmita, 21, discovered. The Mumbai-based researcher began exploring her kinks in late 2024. She says finding safe, communicative partners has been crucial. Still, Asmita reflects on whether indulging certain fantasies reinforces gender stereotypes. “I do wonder if I am subscribing to gender norms just because I am indulging in some kinks. I’ve questioned if at some level I have internalised being submissive to a man,” she points out. 

What’s helped Asmita is finding partners who prioritise consent, even within scenes that mimic non-consent. With aftercare and mindfulness, even pain-related kinks felt safe and respectful. When Asmita discovered she likes being submissive with a partner, she took time to figure it was the freedom of not having control, a far cry from her real life where she’s been the decision maker. “Even though it comes from a CNC ('consensual non-consent', which involves sexual and non-sexual activities enacted as if they are 'forced') kink, which involves things that seem violent, it works for me because I will never feel completely desired or attracted to someone without it. The idea is wanting to feel desired in an extreme sense, not to be forced into things,” she shares, explaining the changing attitude of young Indian women towards pleasure, and hence, kinks. Having Gen Z peers to discuss it with,, even those who aren’t into kinks, has also boosted her confidence.

For others, internet forums remain key. Delhi-based mixologist Dushyant Tanwar, has explored kink in India privately for three years. “I have issues related to strong, strict women. Which could explain my kink for verbally degrading someone, which I didn’t think I’d ever like,” says Tanwar.

How trauma can shape your kink

Increasingly, many are questioning the connection between trauma and kink in India. “Ours is the first generation that is open about what they want without shame, and are able to ask to experiment with different kinks without being judged, making it more of an open conversation rather than a stifled fantasy,” says Asmita. The generation has grown up with access to sex-positive content, therapy language, and conversations about boundaries, kinks, and emotional health.

A 2020 study on BDSM in India found practitioners often display both secure and anxious-preoccupied attachment styles compared to non-practitioners. Another study from China in 2024 found slightly higher rates of sexual abuse among kink practitioners. 

Psychotherapist and founder-director, Gateway of Healing, Dr Chandni Tugnait explains, “Trauma and early attachment experiences can shape the formation of sexual interests, including various kinks, by embedding specific patterns of arousal and emotional regulation into an individual’s psyche.” “For example, someone who endured chaotic or neglectful bonding may associate closeness with a loss of control. In a consensual scene, submitting to a trusted partner under negotiated boundaries allows that person to experience surrender as comforting rather than threatening. The ritualised nature of kink play, with its clear rules, safe words, and aftercare, transforms past trauma into a predictable framework of trust and safety,” explains Tugnait. 

Kink in India and women’s sexual agency 

Consent, not lust, is the most lucrative factor in kink experimentation. For many Indian women, kink is proving quietly radical. “Most importantly, kinksters work on expressing consent and not on implied consent,” says Aditya, highlighting gaps in India’s consent culture, where marital rape is still legal. 

“Kink isn’t about playing into anyone else’s fantasy but creating space to explore your own. It becomes a powerful tool for women to reclaim their bodies and their narratives. Women aren’t just looking for release–they’re looking for autonomy and the confidence to define what turns them on, for themselves,” says Gupta. 

But empowerment isn’t universal yet. The number of such empowered women in India who are able to escape from the patriarchal lens of the male gaze of viewing sex and pleasure, are still few and far between. “Most of the big sex educators in India are all women, which is telling and also empowering. But given the general context of the society we live in, where sex by itself is an act open to violence, even the kink universe is rooted in a man’s desires,” says sexual health educator and content creator Dr Tanaya Narendra a.k.a Dr Cuterus. 

Still many see this growing openness around kink as a quiet rebellion. “In a country where dance bars are criminalised and sex work is buried under layers of moral judgment, the act of exploring pleasure on your own terms is radical,” adds Gupta. 

Art director Shiva Kant Vyas, who helped create The Love Hotel’s menu, agrees.  “India hosts one of the largest unorganised sectors of sex work, yet we continue to question, sideline, and ignore it. This isn’t just about dignity. It’s a deeper, more urgent conversation about gender equity and the collective denial that surrounds it. In our political-social ecosystem, it's a struggle.” 

The challenges ahead for kink in India

But the road ahead for kink in India remains complex. “When talking about kink is forbidden, people miss chances to deal with related psychological needs like processing past traumas, learning to properly negotiate consent, or understanding how we form attachments in relationships,” says Tuganit. “In therapy, approaches that are positive about sex understand that safe, agreed-upon kinks can build trust, improve communication, and help regulate our nervous system.”

Research backs this too. An October 2024 study found that 66 per cent of kink practitioners reported mental health benefits, including greater autonomy, positive relations, personal growth, and a stronger self-acceptance. 

Growth that could perhaps improve the current dating scenario full of swiping through situationships and throning? Could dating and kink then play a role in reshaping intimacy in India?

Kink requires constant consent, clear boundaries, communication, and mutual respect in relationships. “Intense experiences build emotional resilience, besides helping people chart their physical and emotional limits,” says Tuganit. “And rather than seeking validation through matches or likes, kink exploration shifts the focus from external approval to internal agency, pushing daters to build genuine connections.”

In a culture where desire was long kept hushed, the real shift isn’t what happens behind closed doors—it’s how openly people are finally talking about it.