Neerja DeodharPublished on Oct 25, 2024What drives Indian men to take up sex work?Indian male sex workers are fulfilling a need many women have, and no, it's not (just) sex. Find out what male sex workers have to say about their clients.Male ‘companions’ and sex workers are sought after because of the discretion they offer. What wins their clients over is their ability to listen to women’s needs and satisfy them—what most of their partners and husbands have failed at“We can’t talk right now,” says a nervous voice at the other end of the call. “My parents are home.” This voice belongs to a young male escort, who lives and works in a popular north Indian tourist town. His profile on a classifieds website, for escorts across genders, is promising—if a little boastful: “Professional, genuine, a boy-next-door with a naughty alter ego, who can make your most sensual dreams come true.” Yet, despite his claimed skills in bed, Anil (name changed on request) was on edge, thanks to a reality familiar to many young Indians: You can’t talk about sex within the four walls of your home. Away from the prying eyes of parents and society, male escorts like Anil have garnered rosters of “repeat” clients—women who are regular takers of their services, welcoming them into the comfort of five-star hotels as well as their homes. Meetings with married women are planned on days when their husbands won’t return for hours, unless they want to be present—for threesomes or cuckold arrangements. “Repeat clients are a matter of pride and an indicator of satisfaction for escorts,” says Rahul (name changed upon request), an escort who operates in New Delhi. He’s no stranger to being flown out to cities like Mumbai by clients who willingly foot bills for fine dining, premium accommodation and flights.If Anil speaks in whispers around his parents, Rahul is certain that he will never tell his girlfriend about what he does off-duty. Stigma forces many sex workers across genders to hide the truth; those whose partners or spouses know about their profession are more vulnerable to abuse. Rahul feels guilty, but he fears his relationship will not survive a confrontation. “I could never reveal this to my girlfriend—it’s a secret I’ve maintained by consistently talking about how demanding my day job is,” he admits.Away from the prying eyes of parents and society, some male escorts in India have garnered rosters of “repeat” clients. Image: PexelsWhile it’s long been assumed that the typical female client is a wealthy, middle-aged urban woman, clients also include younger women, often exploring kink or threesomes. Image: UnsplashWhat women want“CA Topper” may seem like an unusual name for a male escort in India, but was apt for creator-director Puneet Krishna’s depiction of Tribhuvan Mishra, an honest government employee who turns to sex work amid a financial crisis, in the Netflix series Tribhuvan Mishra CA Topper (2024). Played by Manav Kaul, Tribhuvan embodies the inviting descriptions gigolos make in their profiles: of moan-inducing oral sex. Strikingly, most of these descriptions are focused on what the men can offer, from warm cuddles to Kama Sutra-inspired moves. There’s nearly no mention of their looks.“Our research suggested that beauty plays a significant part when it comes to female service providers. But when it comes to men, respect, attentiveness, and an ability to deliver pleasure take precedence; in fact, many of them refer to their clients as ‘ma’am’. That’s the only way they can survive in the industry,” says Krishna. Tribhuvan’s portrayal in the series is complemented by the empowering depiction of his female patrons, who take charge of their pleasure and express their desires in bed. “In some cases, they’re not even looking for sexual gratification,” explains Krishna. “They want someone to listen to them and treat them with gentleness. In one scene, Tribhuvan applies ointment to a woman’s wounds resulting from domestic violence.”"THE IDEA OF WOMEN AS CLIENTS IS SUCH AN ABERRATION"Manjima BhattacharjyaWhile it’s long been assumed that the typical female client is a wealthy, middle-aged urban woman—either an unfulfilled housewife or a high-powered professional in need of quality sex—escort Rahul reveals that his clients also include younger women, often exploring kink or threesomes. However, he adds, “That’s the minority of my clients. Most are in relationships or marriages where their partners cannot—or don’t try to—satisfy them.” Escorts and gigolos are aware of the part they play in filling the pleasure gap that exists in India, as a whopping 81 per cent of women have expressed that they are unhappy with their sex lives. The challenge for them is not just making women get over their disenchantment, but also winning their trust by creating an atmosphere of comfort and safety. Modus operandi of male sex workers Word of mouth or personal references are the most effective way for male sex workers in India to find new clients, who value their discretion above all else. Research for her book Intimate City (2021)—an examination of sexual commerce in India, in the face of globalisation and advancing technology—alerted Manjima Bhattacharjya to just how cautious agencies in the industry were. “They truly operate underground. The agency I approached confidently told me that I’d never have found them if they hadn’t advertised their services, in an effort to expand their base,” says the feminist writer and researcher. Tribhuvan’s portrayal in the series Tribhuvan Mishra CA Topper is complemented by the empowering depiction of his female patrons, who take charge of their pleasure and express their desires in bed Image: Instagram.com/manavkaulThose who have worked independently have advertised their services in a number of ways—from pamphlets stuck on tree trunks and walls, and listings in newspapers and on classified websites, to being present in chat rooms and creating accounts on dating apps. For escorts like Rahul, the path to sex work began with being a professional masseur at a spa; in India, ‘masseur’ can simply be stand-in for ‘escort’, or it could facilitate the creation of a space for clients who want to go beyond the regular Balinese and Ayurvedic offerings. Interestingly, in the last five years, Quora has emerged as a platform where Indian spankers, practitioners of tantric sex and cuddlers have earned popularity.The ground reality“I consider this as an additional source of income and not a full-time job,” one Indian gigolo wrote on Quora, reflecting on his five years in the profession, “Being jobless, desperate and fearful would make for the most lousy and worst kind of gigolos.” Rahul, who has been an escort for two years, is occupied on most weekends and can expect tips in the range of ₹5,000 per encounter, but continues to work a day job.Female sex workers often speak about feeling trapped by their circumstances and being unable to find other work. Their male counterparts—young men who come from marginalised backgrounds—struggle with the trauma of being trafficked too. Many, who are migrants in urban India, turn to sex work because of financial distress. For others, who choose to be gigolos while keeping their corporate jobs or gigs at call centres, the motivation to take up this work is the belief that they’re “good at it”. The challenge, however, is that it remains a “side gig” or only amounts to haath kharcha (earnings to spend on extravagances).Bargaining, non-payments and threats of blackmail and rape cases have been challenges since the late 2000s. There are physical and emotional risks of sex work too, from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) to instances where clients have developed feelings for a gigolo they frequent.There are physical and emotional risks of sex work too. Image: UnsplashEven if the demand for male sex workers in India rises, the larger system of sex work and pleasure is built to inherently serve men. Image: UnsplashSome women can be extremely awkward or forceful, making the first encounter especially difficult to navigate; more insensitive clients may even feel entitled to stub cigarettes on a sex worker’s body. “They may walk in expecting the gigolo to be akin to a slave, wordlessly agreeing to their every demand. In such situations, it is important to decide what you can adjust to, and where you should draw the boundary and say ‘no’ firmly. That being said, I lay down the rules of my work before I can meet my clients,” shares Rahul. Not all male companions see their relationships with women as being extremely transactional. In Intimate City, Bhattacharjya writes about “cruisers”: men aged between 20 to 60 years who cater to women in need of companionship and/or sex, following a ‘fun-plus-earn’ model. “In almost every interview, cruising emerges as a ‘cure’ for Bombay’s big city loneliness,” she observes. These men weren’t in it primarily for the money, and they didn’t see themselves as professionals, though they did accept gifts. Even if the demand for male sex workers in India rises, the larger system of sex work and pleasure is built to inherently serve men—whether it is the creation of specific spaces like red-light areas, or businesses profiting from strippers and bar dancers. “For women, these systems don’t exist… The idea of women as clients is such an aberration; there’s a long way to go in the way we think of sexuality, the self and freedoms, as well as destigmatising that is necessary,” says Bhattacharjya. She adds that it’s not just pleasure; even institutions and rights like credit and public space are designed keeping in mind men’s access first.The rise of the rent-a-boyfriendFor some men and women, being able to pay for a service (sexual or otherwise) can change the way they see themselves. “It prompts them to be more open about what they are looking for in that situation,” says Aili Seghetti, the founder of The Intimacy Curator (TIC), a Mumbai-based practice that enables people to safely explore and understand sex, kink and dating.After the launch of a ‘dating surrogacy’ package, where surrogate partners can help you to figure out flirting, seduction and intimacy, Seghetti imagined a novel dating experience where female clients could “rent” boyfriends trained to be good dates. TIC’s boyfriends would ace the little and big things that women look for, from empathetic listening to dancing skills. She wanted this new package to be a world apart from the failed dating experiences women suffer through, where their dating app matches become insensitive, don’t show any real interest, or turn out to be creeps. Contracts would ensure that boyfriends stuck to the rules—no sex, drinking, or revealing real identities.For some men and women, being able to pay for a service (sexual or otherwise) can change the way they see themselves Image: UnsplashThe result? TIC has facilitated around 80 dates so far, where the boyfriends met women for casual outings or accompanied them to formal events like work meet-ups. “Women come back to us, asking if we can train regular men to be like the boyfriends they met,” shares Seghetti.The Established spoke to two women who have considered “renting” boyfriends, both of whom were moved not by desire or loneliness, but rather the need for company at weddings—events where arriving as a single person can make you the target of unsolicited advice and probing questions. “I felt I needed an ‘event boyfriend’ who would show up without the expectations surrounding a conventional date,” says Sneha (name changed on request), a marketing professional in her early 30s, “You don’t know how a Bumble or Hinge date could behave at a wedding. A rent-a-boyfriend experience, on the other hand, could be more controlled and predictable.”Though women like Sneha still have their reservations, boyfriend rental services are encouraging us to imagine the different forms of female pleasure that can exist. Some women rent lehengasand boyfriends, others hit up their cruiser of choice to enact suhaag raat fantasies.Also Read: Having sex during your period is really not a big dealAlso Read: What to do when your partner wants more sex than youAlso Read: Here's why Indian men are exploring sex toys Read Next Read the Next Article