Does your gym crush motivate you to work out better?

The gym is where you feel good about yourself, but must you always act upon a crush you’ve developed while working out?

A crush can sneak up on you unexpectedly, turning the ordinary into something straight out of a movie. Now picture having a crush, but in a gym—endorphins flowing, biceps glistening under bright lights, and pulsating music overhead. This is the person who makes you hyper-aware of your posture and of how much you’re lifting, and can’t help but get glimpses of them in the mirror.

A 2023 overview of the fitness ecosystem in India found that there are close to 65,000 gyms across the country. While the gym seems like an ideal place for a meet-cute, especially with dating-app burnout on the rise, developing and acting on a gym crush can either be a slippery slope or, in the best-case scenario, love at first sight that gives you a spotting buddy for life.

Are gym crushes the new meet-cute? How fitness sparks real connections

Suyash Srivatsav,35, a filmmaker based out of Noida, who has been working out for the last seven years, says that the gym is a great space to meet someone. “On dating apps, conversations can become mundane and a person’s confidence and charm behind a screen may not always translate in person. At the gym, it’s very easy to find someone you are attracted to—it’s a space where people are truly in their element,” he says.

One of the primary reasons why such interactions might hold potential is shared goals and lifestyle, says 32-year-old Monisha Sharma, a psychotherapist from Bengaluru who visits the gym frequently. “Committing to fitness and being regular at the gym often require a complete lifestyle overhaul. Eating out and meeting for a drink can take a backseat, so initiating a romantic relationship with someone who understands the dedication required to maintain a consistent gym routine is ideal. Gym culture, and even group classes, can act as catalysts for people with common interests to interact,” she says.

Sara Nishika Doyle,29, a health and fitness coach from Gurugram, agrees. “Working out together is a great way to spend time and bond with your partner. Witnessing someone’s dedication to their health is very attractive. Having someone to push you to work on yourself, who is simultaneously working on themselves, is indicative of a bright future together, as you are both investing in your health,” she says, adding that a relationship built on shared dedication to fitness trumps spending a fortune on medical bills later on in life. 

The psychology behind gym crushes: Why they feel so intense

“There’s a psychological element to why gym crushes can feel so intense. The ‘Mere Exposure Effect’ explains the attraction we feel to someone we see repeatedly at the gym, where no prior negative or positive exposure is required to be drawn to them. Even if you haven’t spoken to your gym crush, just seeing them frequently enough can attract you to them. This is complemented by physical activity and the resultant surge of endorphins and adrenaline, heightening the sense of attraction,” says Mumbai-based Mallika Mukherjee,25, who has completed her masters in clinical psychology.

The ‘Halo Effect’ also comes into play here—assigning positive traits to someone we think is physically attractive without actually knowing them, adds Mukherjee. Knowing little-to-nothing about this person also adds to their appeal, continues Deepanshu Maan, 24, a Delhi-based psychologist. “It’s like being presented with a blank slate. You wonder about this person, observe their routine, all while in this primal setting that gradually intensifies the crush at the gym. It’s a mix of desire and fantasy.”

Projection might play a significant role in why we feel so strongly attracted to our gym crushes. “The environment of a gym—and our crushes—can become the perfect vessel for our idealised self-image and who we aspire to be. Gym crushes serve as living, breathing manifestations of the person we want to become. We might think we’re pushing ourselves harder to catch their eye, but perhaps what we’re really doing is closing the gap between our idealised self and our actual self,” shares Mann.

This blurring of admiration and aspiration ties into the question of fitness motivation. If gym crushes represent who we want to become, do they push us to be better, or do they act as deterrents in our fitness journeys? “A gym crush can be a source of fitness motivation, but whether they serve as a positive or negative influence is debatable. If your motivation to work out isn’t inherent , your gym routine may suffer,  regardless of where you stand with your gym crush,” says Mukherjee.

Flirting at the gym: should you shoot your shot or stay in your lane?

Deciding to act on your gym crush challenges the fine line between admiring from afar and making a move without overstepping boundaries. 

“I’ve had crushes at the gym, but I’ve never actually acted on them, mainly because I’m not sure if the gym is the best place to hit on someone. I’m also terrified of embarrassing myself or being shot down, which would mean changing gyms, and that’s not worth the stress,” says Ciara Greenwood, 34, a Bengaluru-based UX writer. Greenwood, who works out with a personal trainer five-six times a week. “Most people at the gym are looking to blow off steam and get some ‘me’ time. Intruding on that doesn’t feel right,” she says.

“The gym can bring out a vulnerable side to someone. If I’ve had a rough morning, I go to the gym to clear my head. If someone is constantly looking at me or trying to talk to me, it is a violation of privacy,” says Doyle.

Anupama Hoon,41, an independent consultant who has worked in the fitness space, says that as a woman in her 40s, she already feels conscious in public gyms; being approached while working out is not something she appreciates. “I don’t have a problem if someone speaks to me once I’m done working out, maybe right outside the gym while grabbing a coffee. Once the endorphins are flowing post-workout, and if someone I find attractive approaches me, I wouldn’t have a problem.”

So is there a right way to talk to your gym crush? Akshay Kataria,31, a personal trainer at Fitness First in Delhi, has seen many clients develop crushes over the six years that he’s been a trainer. “Asking for help with a particular machine or on correcting posture could be ways to initiate conversations with your gym crush. I had a male client who was interested in a female client of mine. He once asked if I could train them together and I did. They ended up developing a relationship outside of the gym,” he says.

Srivatsav says that if he found someone attractive at the gym, he would definitely approach them, but not during their workout. “Maybe while they are getting water, in the lift while exiting, or during gaps when they aren’t working out,” he suggests, adding that ultimately, unless you talk to the person, there is no way to know whether a further connection is worth considering or building.

It is also important to note that you are unaware of who they are outside of the gym. “On a superficial level, it’s easy to fall for someone at the gym, but we have to tread with caution if we’re thinking of building a relationship with them,” says Sharma, concluding that a gym crush has the potential to turn into something real, or simply fade away, but the most important relationship you build at the gym is one with yourself.

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