Why more Indians are choosing IRL dates over endless swipes

A refreshing alternative to hiding behind screens, these meet-and-greets satiate the human need for real connections—both romantic and otherwise

In Spain, an upturned pineapple in your grocery cart indicates that you’re single and available. An upside-down pineapple, however, is a call to swingers. In the United Kingdom and the United States (and in cities like Ottawa and São Paulo), date-me docs—modern-day personal ads shared publicly or privately—are being used to find romance. Then there’s the Pear ring, where single folk wear a bright turquoise rubber ring to signal that they’re open to being approached. In fact, singles around the world began to put up pear emojis in their Instagram bios to indicate their relationship status.

Weary of the swipe-chat-meet-ghost routine via dating apps, singles are seeking out varied means in their quest to find a perfect match. While the convenience of swiping came at the cost of meaningful connections—with catfishing, scams, and lacklustre conversations adding to the frustration—matchmaking attempts through family and friends had their own pressures. In response, a new wave of dating experiences is encouraging people to meet in person—singles’ mixers that offer real-world connections beyond the dim light of cellphone screens. 

“People are increasingly seeking real-life engagements,” says Able Joseph, creator of Aisle and founder of Jamm, a new social experience curator. “They are frustrated by the way apps like Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, and their clones prioritise engagement over actually helping people find meaningful matches…Singles’ mixers, on the other hand, cut through this by facilitating genuine, face-to-face interactions,” adds Joseph. 

These in-person meetings aren’t restricted to the big cities either. Small World organises such social events and experiences across the country, from metros like Mumbai, Kolkata, and Bengaluru to Tier II cities like  Pune, Ahmedabad, Noida, Jaipur, Indore, Coimbatore, and Surat. Founder Saurav Arya notes that many participants from Tier II cities are “introverted or lack social skills at first, but they slowly learn to approach people and get better at interactions…” Siddharth Bhatia, head of operations at Let’s Socialise, adds that even Tier II cities, such as Bhubaneswar, have had successful turnouts—highlighting the growing demand for such mixers.

The inner workings of singles’ mixers 

Singles’ mixers that have mushroomed across India cater to various age groups. Ashwini Jaisim, who organises The Singles Club in Bengaluru, focuses on those above 40 years. Mumbai-based ThirtyPlus, headed by Raunak Joneja, focuses on the 30-45 age bracket. Small World, which operates countrywide, including in smaller cities, organises meet-ups for the 21-35 age group, whereas romance author Ravinder Singh’s Let’s Socialise—which also operates countrywide—caters to a wide 25-50 range, further dividing them into sub-age groups at the planning stage. “The idea was to democratise the dating scene and ensure that regardless of social backgrounds, people find others through our mixers,” says Arya. 

Before each event, those who sign up are vetted through questionnaires or phone calls. For reasons of safety, each participant is requested to present proof of identification. The mixers are organised at bars or lounges conducive to conversation, with minimal background noise. Ice-breaking activities and interactive games like “20 Questions” or “Who Am I”, as well as karaoke and workshops on pottery, mixology, and salsa help thaw the awkwardness. Here, individuals across diverse professional backgrounds interact with each other—from army officers to entrepreneurs and lawyers to artists.

The pursuit of companionship

Scores today are familiar with this situation: you’re single but most of your circle isn’t, and you find yourself with little to do on weekends. Many approach singles’ mixers with little to no expectations of meeting potential romantic companions. Video editors and friends Madhurima Basu Roy and Ranjabati Sarkar attended a ThirtyPlus event in Mumbai—Basu Roy because she was “curious about the kind of people one meets” at these gatherings, and Sarkar because she had “met a lot of guys through apps, but nothing ever worked out.”

“It was more like a girls’ night out for me, especially because it was held at a bar we frequented,” adds Basu Roy. 

Mumbai-based Vishal Sarma, a 34-year-old professional poker player, went to a ThirtyPlus singles’ mixer event with an open mind, hoping to have a fine time. “I felt I’d rely on intuition and discernment to connect and take it from there. In hindsight, it served me well, and at the risk of sounding narcissistic, I ended the night feeling pleased with myself,” he says.

Sayli J, a Bengluru-based psychologist who’s been single for two years didn’t participate in two such mixers—by Small World and Prem A Culture, a Mumbai-based “conscious dating service” operating across India—expecting a fairytale to write itself immediately. But she did know she needed to make friends as she was relatively new to the city. “Yes, I’m open to a relationship—but I hoped to at least meet people with whom I could hold a conversation,” she shares. 

For Sarkar, too, it was about giving it a try. “The larger goal was to find a partner, though I knew better than to go expecting to find ‘the one,’” she says. “I obviously had my inhibitions as a differently-abled woman (I have a finger-related disability on my right hand), but I didn’t feel any discomfort there. It went quite smoothly.”

But Aishwarya Deogade, a 24-year-old entrepreneur based in Bengaluru, had already met “the one.” So she decided to give a mixer by Small World a chance to make friends—a feat that had been impossible for her through services like Bumble BFF. “I met so many interesting people… Like a budding stand-up comic who always seems to be in character—in her sets, she plays a single girl struggling to find a decent guy through dating apps! I also met a government employee, a rarity in Bengaluru. We made friends quickly and have stayed in touch.”

As Arya phrases it, the aim is to ensure that everyone—even the most introverted—gets out of their shell at these meet-and-greets and at least makes three to four new friends. “Most of the time, those who sign up are new to a city and tired of using dating apps,” he says. “These youngsters just want to socialise and relax after a long week. It’s not just about those looking to marry…and everything starts from friendship.”

Diverse demographics

In the online-versus-offline dating realm, the consensus is unanimous: millennials (Gen Y) and Gen X seek more in-person connections. The digital-age Gen Z may keep their relationships online without necessarily progressing to meeting in person. Bhatia explains, “Gen Z grew up with social media and is still looking to connect and date via convenient apps, but single millennials prefer talking to people in real life.” Joseph adds, “Millennials are the most receptive to meeting in person, largely because they’ve experienced the burnout associated with casual dating apps.”

Similarly, Jaisim believes millennials are clearer about what they want. “If they attend a meet-up, they want to know exactly what they’re getting for their money,” she adds. “Gen X is more fluid. They’re happier to meet and have a good time versus millennials, who are on a mission.”

Bhatia stressed that much of this difference in the approach to dating is to do with the times we live in. “Back then, if someone found a person interesting or attractive and wanted to be with them, it was just them. But today, as our founder says, there are a lot of distractions,” he explains. “With the advent of social media and dating apps, people are distracted easily. ‘I like X, but Y is also good, and Z plays the guitar.’ This way of thinking has affected modern dating.”

An evolving society

In India, ‘never married’ folks accounted for the highest share of the population—at over 51 per cent—in 2020. Also, according to the ‘Women and Men in India 2023’ report from the Ministry of Statistics and Programme Implementation, about 35 per cent of men and 30 per cent of women in the age group of 15-49 are unmarried, and the trend of remaining unmarried or delaying marriage is rising. 

In today’s day and age, social norms around dating, relationships, remarrying and live-in partnerships have evolved, especially in urban India. “Because being single is no longer a stigma, individuals are more open to talking about the label, regardless of their socio-economic standing. Young women entering the workforce don’t see marriage as their only choice anymore. A career has become a very valid life decision over marriage,” explains Jaisim. 

In the context of singles’ mixers, Joseph adds, “They are gaining traction as India becomes more open and socially progressive, with gender equality improving.” This, in turn, has broadened mindsets and made people more open to leaving the solace of their comfort zone and trying new arenas of finding romance. 

Not just about romance 

Dating apps haven’t been able to resist climbing onto the mixer bandwagon. Tinder, for instance, launched Tinder Mixers. “We know everyone is excited to meet in real life,” says Papri Dev, Vice President, Communications, APAC at Tinder. “These curated mixers for singles are an adaptation of our product experience in physical spaces. Here, they can interact with others who share similar interests and have a fun time connecting over dance, music, food, movies and so on.”

The app Aisle came up with Aisle Experiences to create an environment for like-minded singles. “Two-thirds of our users match based on common interests. So we decided to mirror this online behaviour in the offline world,” says Chandni Gaglani, Head, House of Aisle. “Approximately 80 per cent of attending Aisle members had a date lined up for the next week by the end of an event. In fact, most of them continued to hang out after the event and went on to attend an after-party!” 

At mixers, while some may complain of dull conversation and leave displeased with the crowd, others make lasting connections. The group that met at the first Kolkata chapter of Let’s Socialise in May 2023, celebrates festivals together now, and couples also return to thank them for bringing them together. The meet-ups at The Singles’ Club “often become more about social bonding and having a fun time together.” Sarma recalls an interesting conversation with a participant about her visit to Israel, while Basu Roy wonders how many spam calls she receives from a lady who went around collecting phone numbers at the mixer she attended…

“All in all, the experiences are pretty wholesome. I absolutely love human interaction, especially since I’ve always been an extrovert forced by the times to keep my head down facing screens and ears shut with earphones,” says Deogade, summing up why singles’ mixers are welcome.

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