Dating over 50 isn’t as easy as right-swiping on an app

Engaging in virtual connections might not always align with the preferences of individuals beyond a certain age

The concept of dating lacks an expiration date, yet in societies that lean towards conservatism, individuals often grapple with the perception that love becomes elusive after a certain age. In less progressive environments, the pursuit of dating can transform into a burdensome task; at times, even seemingly impossible.

A prevalent sentiment among those aged 50 and beyond is the perception of being past their prime when it comes to dating. Many individuals within this demographic find contentment in solitude, dedicating their time to familial responsibilities such as caring for grandchildren or occasional social outings with friends.

The numbers say it all

In an interview with The Economic Times in 2019, Snehil Khanor, co-founder and CEO of the dating app TrulyMadly, expressed his surprise at never having been asked about the usage of the app by individuals above the age of 50. This surprise is substantiated by industry estimates indicating that the 50-plus age group constitutes less than 1 per cent of the user base for any prominent dating app catering to the Indian populace. When The Established sought dating data from Tinder regarding the 50-plus demographic, all it could come across was numbers pointing to the fact that the app’s primary audience is Gen Z, comprising 60 per cent of their users.

Ironically, the dating giant Match Group—the parent company of Tinder, Hinge, and OKCupid, among others—has developed at least three apps exclusively tailored for individuals above 50. Each of these apps boasts several thousand users. For instance, DisonsDemain (French for “let’s say tomorrow”) has amassed close to 100,000 users.

Bumble seems to be a hit with one among two respondents The Established spoke with for this story, both women. The women-led app allows other women to take charge of who they connect with. “Bumble is for everyone, women across all ages, whoever wants to use the app to find meaningful connections,” says Samarpita Samaddar, communications director for India and Southeast Asia at Bumble.

Not without its hindrances

“I don’t use it all that much [dating app Bumble] but I did come across a lovely man in his late 40s who took me out on a date in May this year. We didn’t keep in touch much after the date but he does drop a text now and again to meet up. I’m just too busy so I always respond late,” says Salvita Shekhar, a 50-year-old professor from Bengaluru. 

Shekhar divorced her husband of 20 years in 2022 and decided to give the dating game a shot after her niece told her it could “help her find interesting matches”. “I didn’t find too many interesting matches, unfortunately, and decided to delete the app about two months after I downloaded it,” says Shekhar, adding that she feels uncomfortable meeting people over the apps. “I still prefer to meet men the old-school way—in person.”

Many dating platforms assume a certain level of technological proficiency, necessitating users to possess at least basic skills in computer usage or own a smartphone. The expectation is that individuals should be adept at texting, navigating the features of a dating site, and performing tasks like messaging and uploading pictures. This introduces a unique skill set that may have yet been a concern two decades ago when seeking a date might have involved simpler methods, such as approaching someone in person or obtaining contact information from someone known, like the cute girl at the coffee shop. “In today’s dating landscape, re-entering the scene requires a familiarity with these digital aspects, adding a new layer to the experience compared to when I dated,” says Shekhar.

Varied goals

Despite the prevailing perceptions surrounding dating after 50, individuals in India are actively participating in this trend. TrulyMadly reports a gender ratio of 1.5 times more women per male users in the 50-plus age segment compared to the 18-40-year-olds. Furthermore, the 50-plus demographic boasts the highest percentage of paying users within any age group, at 6.13 per cent.

New Delhi therapist and life coach Asha Saxena believes that when it comes to re-entering the dating scene, the goals are varied, and it’s essential to recognise that only some people share the same outlook. “The conventional expectation of dating leading to marriage, children, and a shared life may no longer be the primary objective. The emphasis may shift towards finding a companion, a travel partner, or someone with whom to share experiences. The pursuit of companionship and the desire for shared moments, rather than adhering to a traditional life script, often guide the intentions of those dating later in life,” she says.

As Steven Raj celebrates his 50th birthday in a few days, he finds himself amid a two-and-a-half-year-long period of singledom. “My work schedule as a marketing director, affording me only every other weekend off, seems to deter many potential connections. I can appreciate their reluctance to navigate such a demanding timetable,” says the bachelor.

Navigating online dating has allowed Raj to meet women with diverse intentions. “There’s been a prevalence of women identifying as polyamorous, seeking discreet involvement, and those aspiring to be sugar babies. Fortunately, most of the latter categories are transparent about their expectations,” he says, adding that another subset of individuals explicitly communicates their expectations for financial contributions, although not necessarily in a sugar daddy context. “They make it clear from the outset that a substantial financial commitment is anticipated to fund their adventurous lifestyle,” says Raj. 

In essence, his primary goal at this stage of life is to navigate my remaining working years tranquilly, preparing for a comfortable retirement. “While I understand the allure of dating, I am more inclined toward a worry-free conclusion to my working years,” says Raj. 

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