Is workaholism a third wheel as you balance a relationship and a thriving career?

Being ambitious is great, but all hell can break loose when your commitment to your work takes precedence over that to your partner. We ask experts how being a workaholic can undermine your relationship

When multinational conglomerate Larsen & Toubro’s chairman S H Subramanyan said “How long can you stare at your wife?” to endorse the idea of a 90-hour work week, including working Sundays, he was at the receiving end of extreme backlash, both online and offline, condemning his reckless comments and questioning his propagation of toxic work culture. Ironically, India has always been a country of workaholics—we allow the line between hard work and work addiction to blur more often than not. 

Eighty-six per cent of employees in India confess feeling a sense of struggle or suffering, according to Gallup Global Workplace’s report for 2024. From an investment banker to a media professional, various white-collar workers are part of the much-celebrated overtime club. Clocking in extra hours at work to take on more tasks, or even socialise, has become the new normal. “Ideally, employees should be considered efficient if they’re able to complete the assigned tasks within the stipulated working hours, but we don’t live in an ideal world,” begins Nikhil Sampath*, a manager at a logistics firm. “More often than not, leaving office as soon as working hours are up is frowned upon by bosses; if you’re not staying up late at work—even if that means just being present physically without marked contribution—you’re typecasted as a lazy, inefficient or unmotivated employee.” Blame it on the traditionally-glorified ‘work-is-worship’ theory or the perennially rising cost of living in India, workaholism is oftentimes seen as the ultimate way of being an efficient and successful professional. 

In 2024, the annual inflation rate in India shot up to 6.21 per cent in October from 5.48 per cent in the previous month, well above market expectations of 5.81 per cent. Whether you’re procuring something as basic as a meal or investing substantially in a house, every aspect of one’s standard of living is only projecting a monetarily upward trajectory. 

Being ambitious—whether to provide a decent lifestyle for your family and yourself or if that’s just your demeanour—is great, but all hell can break loose when your commitment to your work takes precedence over that to your partner. We speak to psychologists and relationship experts to understand how being a workaholic can undermine your relationship, and how to rejig things so you can strike a healthy balance between ambition and relationships.

How societal and career pressures fuel workaholism

Traditionally, every household had a single breadwinner, usually the “man of the house”, who would fend for the entire family. As gender norms became even more entrenched, it was a given that the man would work a taxing 12-hour shift while the woman would manage domestic chores. Eventually, working tirelessly wasn’t just out of necessity, it became a way of being for men. “Our culture trains us to tie our identity to our work, success, and the money we make. Add the male-female provider-caretaker norm to the mix, and you have the perfect recipe for workaholism—forced or otherwise—among men,” says relationship counsellor Chetna Chakravarti. “Organisations have also encouraged workaholism by assuming a sense of ownership over the employees they pay—this is particularly prevalent in India.” Over time, female participation in the workforce increased—from 27.9 per cent in 1991 to 32.7 per cent in 2023—making a career-driven attitude and demanding work hours a modern reality for both partners in a relationship.

“Work is a huge part of life today—it gives us purpose, fulfilment, and stability. Being hardworking and passionate is a great thing,” says Mehak Rohira, a therapist with The Mood Space. Clearly, workaholism isn’t one-dimensional anymore. 

So then, is being inordinately dedicated to your work a matter of concern? Can workaholism ruin relationships? “Workaholism is not inherently bad,” responds psychologist Sanam Devidasani, “but it becomes problematic when it stems from a compulsion rather than a conscious choice.” 

Different people view workaholism differently; for some, it’s the ultimate stepping stone to success, for others, it could become their second nature because of the career they’ve chosen. “Entrepreneurs and business owners often struggle more with work-life balance in relationships because their livelihood depends on their efforts,” begins Devidasani. “They are accountable to themselves; unlike employees who have structured work hours, business owners may feel like they must be ‘on’ and available all the time.” For some individuals, workaholic tendencies could also stem from traumatic past experiences involving financial crises. “Life experiences like growing up in an environment of financial instability, lack of job security of parents, or seeking validation through sundry achievements as kids can negatively impact what kind of relationship you form with work,” cites psychotherapist and relationship counsellor Ruchi Ruuh.

Your workaholism can, however, start creeping into the various areas of your life. What follows next is obvious—before you know it, your relationships take a hit. When you’re chronically overworked, you’re chronically stressed and anxious, sparing zero emotional or mental bandwidth for the relationship(s) in your life. When work starts affecting your health, relationships or emotional well-being, consider those as alarming signs, says Rohira. “It is a concern when one’s work-mode is always on, even during personal time, and ends up neglecting everything else. Then, work isn’t just a part of life, it’s running your life.” Indicating some red flags, Ruuh adds, “Some key tell-all signs include deteriorating relationships and lack of self-care, an inability to find pleasure in day-to-day activities, and disturbed or lack of sleep or fatigue.”

Workaholism isn’t the culprit—the inability to compartmentalise is

Different people have different parameters for an ideal partner. While some look for emotional stability, others seek financial security or a high level of ambition and drive. No matter what your fundamentals are, having a partner who is addicted to their work can put anyone off over the course of time. Devidasani describes workaholism as an excessive and compulsive need to work, often at the expense of personal well-being and relationships. “Unlike being hard-working or passionate, which can be balanced with other aspects of life, workaholism involves an inability to disengage from work, feelings of guilt when not working, and a dependence on work for one’s self-worth,” she explains. “A passionate worker finds joy in their profession but is also able to step away feeling good about the work done and focus on their personal lives. A workaholic, on the other hand, feels trapped by their work habits, often taking away the joy they once felt in their lives outside of work.”

Patterns such as your partner being engrossed in getting back to that one last email on a date night, or their travel essentials’ kit being incomplete without their laptop are reflective of their addiction to work. When these occur frequently, it can mount into a volcano of frustration. There can be a tenfold increase in that frustration when the tables turn and the woman is the flagbearer of workaholism, given that over 50 per cent of Indians think that “if a woman earns more money than her husband, it’s almost certain to cause problems.” In some circumstances, the partner drawing a higher salary may turn self-conceited, using their fat paycheck as an excuse to justify their workaholism.

Rohira, who believes that relationships need time and attention, says, “If one partner is constantly preoccupied with work—physically absent or emotionally unavailable—the other may feel lonely, neglected, or even resentful. Over time, this creates a real disconnect.” What’s worse? The non-workaholic partner’s mental health can take a hit. “Anxiety, depression, and self-doubt are common spin-offs. When someone feels unseen or unimportant in a relationship, their self-esteem and emotional well-being can suffer. It may also create an imbalance where one partner shoulders most household and emotional responsibilities, resulting in frustration and burnout,” shares Ruuh. 

A flustered sex life is yet another pressing concern in relationships with workaholism as a third wheel of sorts. “It can cause physical exhaustion, mental preoccupation, and emotional detachment, all of which impact emotional and sexual intimacy in a couple. A workaholic might be too tired, distracted or emotionally unavailable to engage. The other partner might be finding this connection exhausting or frustrating. Overall, it is a recipe for decreased desire, libido, and trust for establishing a connection, leading to decreased relationship satisfaction,” explains Ruuh. Chakravarti highlights that “the non-workaholic partner may also begin to fear judgement for demanding more time, effort, and dedication, causing an unhealthy pattern of suppression, which then impacts their self-worth too.” 

Things can quickly escalate from unpleasant to complicated in the case of a marriage. “It can create emotional distance, conflicts about priorities, and even lead to issues like infidelity or separation if not addressed. Over time, the relationship may start feeling transactional rather than intimate or nurturing,” says Devidasani. “It becomes more complex when there are kids involved. One partner might feel all the burden of raising the children with no support, leading to burnout and overstimulation at home. In the end, both partners are left exhausted and distant [from each other]. Additionally, the children may feel the [emotional] absence of one parent.”

Can you be a workaholic and still have no relationship problems?

Workaholics are primarily slandered for their emotional unavailability, but it doesn’t always have to be like that. “I love my job—enough to go the extra mile at all times. However, I consciously try to minimise the adverse impact of my workaholism on my relationship, whether it’s through spontaneous dates, well-planned trips or simply being fully present for my partner, physically and emotionally, whenever I’m required to,” shares 26-year-old Radhika Sharma*, a media professional. “Considering the joy, confidence, and security that my work brings to me, I wouldn’t want to change a thing about it. It allows me to be a happy and secure partner in my relationship too.” Chakravarti recommends trying what she calls the capability-capacity-willingness formula. “If someone has the capability or capacity to bring balance, things can be figured out, but if there’s a lack of willingness, it can pose an issue,” cites Chakravarti.

In many cases, a relationship with two workaholic individuals can prove to be more of a boon than a bane. “Take the classic example of couples where both partners are doctors. There is a great understanding of one another’s ambition and urgency of requirement at work,” says Chakravarti. Considering 65 per cent of Gen Z, the future workforce, claims to be career-oriented, paltry workaholism is a solid possibility. Does that mean a relationship with two workaholics will always be susceptible to jeopardy? While Chakravarti believes that workaholism mustn’t necessarily spell the end for a relationship, Ruuh says that it ultimately boils down to mindfulness and intentionality to balance both aspects of your life. 

“Balance doesn’t simply mean splitting time or chores equally—it means being fully present in each space. When you’re working, focus on work. When you’re with loved ones, be there fully. Small changes, like setting work-free hours or prioritising quality time, can make a big difference,” advises Rohira. “No work emails after a certain time, prioritising date nights, being present with your partner and family, letting your partner know when work is overwhelming to help them understand and support you, and showing affection and understanding regularly to ease their feelings of discomfort—all of this can help,” adds Ruuh. 

Besides consciously laying down boundaries between your personal and professional life, and prioritising open communication, Devidasani recommends learning to detach from work through therapy (or couple’s therapy), mentorship or personal reflection to lead a more fulfilling life. Differentiating between a workaholic partner and a workaholic partner who is also emotionally unavailable is equally paramount—the former is unlikely to be the reason for recurring squabbles in a relationship.

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