Flirting in India isn’t dead. It’s ridden with confusion

Eyes locking with a suitable stranger across a crowded room, leading to an intriguing conversation and then planned dates. That’s how the idea of falling in love is often imagined. 

But in 2026, this feels nearly impossible. Flirting in India no longer unfolds through eye contact, tone, or shared physical space. It now plays out through dating apps, social media platforms, and digital cues that flatten intention and blur consent.

According to a 2020 study by the University of Kansas and UC Davis, 77 per cent of men perceived a specific expression—head tilted to the side and slightly downward, eyes forward, with a slight smile—as flirtatious. In an age where most people meet digitally, the absence of physical presence removes crucial elements of flirting: eye contact, body language, and tone. A compliment paired with a playful smirk carries meaning that text cannot replicate.

Basic flirtatious behaviour like hand-holding (with consent) has been replaced by poems written by ChatGPT. Bringing real flowers has been replaced by sending a rose on dating apps like Hinge. This leaves little room for banter—the ultimate indicator of romance for millennials raised on films such as Love Aaj Kal(2009) and Jab We Met (2007) or series such as Gilmore Girls (2000-2007). Instead, daters decode DMs like “Are you my dad’s belt, coz you’re hitting hard.” Or, “Your eyes remind me of my grandma’s”. 

How social media reshaped flirting culture in India

Social media has fundamentally altered how Indians flirt, especially Gen Z. Memes, Reels, and passive digital gestures now function as romantic signals. 

“People also flirt by sending Reels, which can be cute or creepy. Responding with fire emojis on thirstrap posts is a very millennial way to flirt. Liking a post can count as flirting too—especially if you’ve liked all of someone else’s posts,” says Bharat Bhat, 24, a Mumbai-based lawyer. 

Gen Z or Gen Alpha slang has begun to spill into IRL flirting. Anjali Manoharan, 24, a Bengaluru-born musician who lives in Chennai, recalls  men approaching women saying,  “You’re such a baddie”. “Which doesn’t really make sense and is actually embarrassing,” she says. 

While thirst traps are often about gaining attention and external validation, rather than flirting, they frequently lead to flirtatious DM exchanges. With flirting on social media becoming heavily visual, conversations rarely translate into IRL chemistry. So, when someone tells Sara Doyle, 29, that she looks beautiful, it no longer lands. “Maybe when I was 19 and didn’t have a healthy perception of myself. Today, I don’t care if someone thinks I am beautiful or not. I’d rather the person be interested in who I am as an individual and show interest in me by having a conversation,” says Doyle, a Gurugram-based health and fitness coach. “Internal validation is very skewed today because of how hyper-dependent we are on external validation,” she adds. 

Is liking a thirst trap flirting or cheating in India? 

This digital form of flirting has blurred the lines between interest and infidelity in modern relationships in India. Does liking a stranger’s picture amount to cheating? “If it’s a friend, it’s different. But overcomplimenting on a post or saying things like ‘hot’ or ‘I’d tap that’ counts as cheating,” says Doyle. 

For Shambhavi, (*who goes by her first name), 31, a Delhi-based consultant, liking a post does not constitute flirting. But DMs that lead to conversation do. Harshita Tiwari, 23, a digital marketer from Uttarakhand, adds that even posting  pictures with a partner does not absolve someone from clarifying boundaries with people who express interest online.  

“If you feel upset that your situationship is chatting up someone else, it’s also a sign that it’s more than something casual for you, and a sign to draw boundaries,” says Bhat. “Flirting mostly only leads to situationships if there’s lack of clear communication or intent,” says 32-year-old Mayank Thakur. who runs his own travel agency in Manali 

Flirting often fails because many Indians don’t know how to sustain engagement beyond an initial gesture. “When you put up thirst traps, and someone replies with a fire emoji or just comments ‘hot’, what do I even say?” asks Doyle. “When people flirt and don’t make any effort, you question the whole point of it,” adds Manoharan. “So many Gen Zs have just given up on the idea of love because they are tired of the consistent cycles of unproductive flirting.”

The validation economy: Why people still flirt 

Despite the fatigue, flirting still holds appeal because there’s a certain feel-good and momentary validation attached to it. A 2025 Gleeden survey found that urban Indians increasingly use flirting as emotional release amid burnout and lack of intimacy. It has also become a way of being acknowledged and seen. 

Meanwhile, a 2020 study found that positive social behaviours like flirting can function as a coping mechanism, offering validation, inclusion, and temporary stress relief. “Flirting has been normalised especially among millennials and Gen Z because it eases the conversation and awkwardness,” says Tiwari. “A comment like ‘Sir, you look like a good man who will get the work done fast’ can actually get it done faster.”  

For Thakur, who runs a travel agency in Manali, flirting works as a way to break the ice with new groups he spends weeks with. “It’s mostly harmless and results in friendships,” he says. 

It can also be affirming when flirting is reciprocated. “Many people today are using flirting as a form of emotional regulation,” a statement by Tinder India notes. “But, intention matters. When flirting is playful and conscious, it can feel affirming. But when it replaces honest emotional conversations, it offers only temporary relief.” That distinction makes consent central. Shambhavi has encountered  people who ask for consent before sending a sext and others who ignore the response altogether. “People might know that they have to ask for consent [now],” she says. “But one needs to abide by the response as well, otherwise it doesn’t count.” 

The normalisation of flirting has also brought its own excess. Manoharan has had people sing “Anjali Anjali” or make Kuch Kuch Hota Haireferences to woo her. Others have sent unsolicited voice notes, often covers of Ed Sheeran’s Perfect, asking for feedback or access to her work. “It’s the entitlement with which they ask for it that is shocking,” she says. 

The loss of the romance in flirting

Flirting has also become impersonal. On dating apps, the same line is often deployed across hundreds of matches, with little thought given to who is on the receiving end. 

“People have too many options and don’t spend time thinking of how to start a conversation with a particular person,” says Tiwari. “[They] pick lines that work for the general crowd. It’s low effort.” For Shambhavi, that lack of effort is what drains flirting of romance.  “There is no romance in flirtation anymore, when, in fact, flirting can count as foreplay in a 10-year-long relationship,” she says. She grew up watching her father bring flowers for her mother, plan dates, and express affection through small, consistent gestures—forms of attention she says have been largely absent in her own decade of dating.   At the same time, older models of flirting were hardly ideal.  “Trying to make fun of the woman, especially related to cooking or some household chore they’ve forgotten is more dehumanising than flattering,” notes Shambhavi. “That’s not the case anymore.” 

In India, learning how to flirt healthily is further complicated by early social conditioning. “Kids are often asked not to interact with the opposite sex. So, they only start figuring out their dynamic when they are teenagers or have more freedom to do so,” says Bhat. 

Patriarchy, pursuit, and why flirting can become unsafe

Patriarchal norms continue to make flirting in India fraught, especially for women and non-binary individuals. Bollywood tropes, from Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge toKal Ho Na Ho, have long framed pursuit as romantic rather than coercive. 

One guy stalked Bhat’s female friend for a month, on Instagram and offline too, believing her disinterest was a form of hidden liking for him. Bhat’s friend had to file a harassment suit to get him off her back. “The whole concept of pursuit being flattering still exists. There’s a lot of unlearning that needs to happen,” he says.

“There’s the trope of how ‘the girl doesn’t even know that she likes a guy or is too scared to admit it’, and so the guy has to pursue her,” says Shambhavi.“[It is] an equation in which a woman has no agency.” Such forceful behaviour is often rewarded in popular culture where the  two people then end up together. “Because it has been so romanticised, it’s easy for the woman to believe that if a guy is pursuing her it means he likes her.” Shambhavi recalls a first date that ended with the man grabbing her hand dramatically as she tried to leave. “Somehow, he thought it would be cute,” she says. 

Rejection, meanwhile, is rarely handled well.  One man repeatedly asked Tiwari to ‘make time’ for him, despite her clearly expressing her disinterest. “When a woman tells a man their vibes don’t match, chances are the male ego will get hurt,” says Bhat. “If an Indian man went to a decent college or has a decent job, he’s [often] treated as a catch in a patriarchal household.” This sense of entitlement often gets carried into dating. “A lot of Indian men come from a place of privilege and have a sense of entitlement because we still live in a patriarchal society,” says Narayan. 

Cultural shame around rejection further compounds the problem. Writing on flirting, Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, notes  that sexual rejection is often experienced as humiliation. “A failed sexual pass at someone is grounds to be shamed and humiliated by our peers and society at large,” he writes, pointing to how cultures historically regulate desire through fear, shame, and rigid social structures. 

These norms are internalised by women as well, who, growing up, believe that male validation is romantic. “Many women think a bunch of boys calling them ‘bhabhi’ is affectionate,” says Tiwari.

Patriarchy also dictates who is allowed to initiate flirting. “Women are hesitant about flirting back because they’ve grown up being told that men are supposed to make the first move,” explains Tiwari. “When a woman expresses her interest first–which women internalise–they are called desperate.” 

A 2024 BBC article found that men overestimate romantic interest, mistaking friendliness for attraction, while women underestimate it. “Smiling could just be a way to de-escalate situations,” the article noted. “But, straight men see women smiling and think, ‘Oh, she's interested in me’.” Male socialisation plays a role here too. “This usually happens with men who have spent their lives hanging out with straight male friends,” says Bhat. 

A 2021 study on male friendships found they tend to be more transactional and emotionally limited, with less room for vulnerability or affection. “Men with  low-effort friendships think that equations that need effort are more than platonic,” says Tiwai. “So, if a woman asks a guy to go on a trip or a concert or meet regularly, he will think she’s thinking of him as a potential partner and not just a friend.” 

The result is then a familiar imbalance: that the burden of clarification—platonic, romantic, or otherwise—continues to fall on women. Constantly having to keep an eye out and draw boundaries doesn’t make anyone feel good, and that’s when the point of flirting is lost.