Ghosting in relationships wasn’t enough. Dating just invented Banksying

If Anshuman (Tarun Arora) hadn’t led Geet (Kareena Kapoor Khan) on in the 2007 film Jab We Met, she wouldn’t have run away from home to be with him, nor would she have met Aditya (Shahid Kapoor). And if Anshuman hadn’t ghosted her, Aditya and Geet’s iconic romance would never have transpired. 

Ghosting in relationships isn’t new. It has long been shorthand for silent breakups. But dating apps and Gen Z culture have stretched it into something slower and more calculated. That’s Banksying—a drawn-out version of ghosting where the fade is deliberate and prolonged.

The term takes its name from the anonymous street artist Banksy. In dating parlance, it is the strategic detachment in a relationship, a kind of slow fade breakup. “The term has misappropriated Banksy, whose work is about challenging structures of power. Instead, the artist is being used to highlight people’s lack of accountability in relationships,” says Vidushi Gupta, 32, a doctoral researcher in Sociology at the Delhi School of Economics. 

Banksying—a strategic way to avoid complex conversations

A 2025 article revealed that Banksying can involve considerable "strategery" in which people consult others—and Artificial Intelligence too—online. “People today would rather talk to AI than have uncomfortable conversations with humans about complicated feelings. But, AI and algorithms adapt to a person’s tone and mood, thus acting like an escapist tool, especially when expectations are involved,” adds Gupta. 

Banksying shows up frequently in relationships, and pop culture has been quick to mirror it. In Tanu Weds Manu(2011), Kangana Ranaut’s Tanu leads Raja Awasthi (Jimmy Shergill) on before leaving him for Manoj (R. Madhavan). In the films’ sequel, even Manoj strings along Tanu’s doppelgänger, Poti. The Lunchbox(2013) offers a quieter rendition of Banksying: Ila (Nimrat Kaur) drifts away from her almost-absent husband as a serendipitous pen-pal bond with Saajan (Irrfan Khan) begins to take root.

“Banksying could happen due to frustration if previous attempts at making the relationship healthy haven’t been effective,” says Monisha Sharma, a Bengaluru-based psychotherapist and co-founder of Inara Collective. “It could also be [a result of] a lack of safety in being able to express grievances or unpleasantness to the other person.” 

Yet, Banksying is an ineffective and unhealthy communication pattern. “It shows an inability to have difficult conversations because people have not been taught to communicate transparently and assertively. That can be awkward or difficult, and lead to a person showing up inauthentically in the relationship or feeling dissatisfied,” adds Sharma. 

This goes against the idea of Banksying as a “kinder version of ghosting.” 

Banksying versus ghosting in relationships—what really is at stake?

In reality, Banksying mirrors the same instinct as ghosting: it’s easier to move on than pour effort into an already strained relationship. A survey by Hinge in 2020 found that 40 per cent of people admitted to ghosting because they didn’t know how to explain their disinterest. A third said rejecting someone felt uncomfortable, while others felt it was less hurtful to simply disappear. Yet, 85 per cent of users said they would rather be broken up with than left in limbo.  

“No one today has the time to wait for other people to get on the same page as them. They’d rather move on to the next person, which is much easier than trying to align yourself to someone else,” says Akash Dey Roy, 33, a queer software developer who grew up in Kolkata. “People are actively not looking for drama because there is so much stress in everyday life,” he adds. 

Mumbai-based Tulsi Kapoor, 39, recalls ghosting matches in her 20s to avoid conflict. She would claim to be busy until conversations fizzled out, or keep communication to texts instead of meeting in person. “Staying behind the screen made it easier to disappear,” she says. Kapoor later realised how normalised ghosting in relationships had become when she apologised to someone she had ghosted years earlier, only to realise he hadn’t even noticed it. 

How modern dating trends in India have impacted relationships

Dating apps haven’t just transformed how people meet. They’ve redefined expectations, creating a landscape where rejection feels less personal and more like part of modern dating trends. 

“With a surge in the usage of dating apps, people are treating each other as options, comparing potential partners with the notion of ‘what if something better awaits,’ instead of cherishing the connection they have at present. This reduces accountability towards the other person. So, when put in high pressure scenarios, people don’t want to put up with other people’s expectations or justify themselves. Instead, they look for other options,” says Gupta. “Also, this generation constantly needs dopamine hits. So, people tend to check out when boredom sets in relationships, helped by the tendency to be non-confrontational,” she adds.

It was to tackle boredom that Vaibhav Suryavanshi, 29, a Delhi-based 3D artist, who has been on dating apps for eight years, tried different ways to keep his matches engaged: Crafting his opening line based on people’s prompts, and sounding witty so that people invest in the conversation. “Even so, seven out of 10 matches would disappear after two-three text exchanges. People don’t prioritise conversations on dating apps,” says Suryavanshi. 

However, an incorrect representation—or a misunderstanding—of a person on an app or in real life is bound to fail when their partner spends enough time with them and the mask falls off. Kapoor, for instance, was once set up with someone by a friend. A few dates in and he invited himself to her birthday party, claiming he was a party boy—an image that fell apart at the party. “He stopped replying to my texts the next day, which was confusing and nagged me for a year—I wasn’t pining for him, I just couldn’t make peace with it,” says Kapoor.

Sometimes, people also pull away from romantic equations in an attempt to escape their own reality. A December 2024 study in India found that the problem arises when people turn to search engines and social media, not just dating apps, to find solutions for everyday stressors. “A temporary escape, leading to ghosting,” it stated. Or leading to Banksying, such as in the television series Little Things (2006-2021), where Dhruv (Sehgal) becomes distant with Kavya (Mithila Palkar) due to his own anxieties and the difficulty he faced in expressing his feelings about their changing relationship.

Banksying can also be the result of one’s attempt at protecting one’s own emotions. “There’s a fear of coming across as a ‘bad’ person (by ghosting or straight talk), or a fear of being alone, which stems from an unsure sense of self, an overvalued emphasis on how they’re perceived by others, or low self-esteem. Gradually processing the break-up allows a person to weigh their options and confirm their own need to exit the relationship, sometimes also priming the other partner to take on the onus of ending the relationship,” says Sharma. 

A slow fade break-up isn’t without chaos and confusion

Despite the apprehension that being Banksyed brings, if the partner catches onto the subtle cues of someone growing distant in a relationship, it might not be a complete bolt from the blue. Like for Kartikeya Sinha, 39, a Delhi-based chef, who was Banksyed at the end of his relationship of two years. “I felt blindsided, but still wasn’t randomly erased or ghosted.  While I had to figure it out by myself in those three months when she [his then partner] delayed moving in and gradually reduced our interactions, it was less painful because I had some time to detach. I was also fed up of putting in the effort and was ready to call it quits,” says Sinha, who admits that it’s still not a painless process, and often leads to self-doubt and anxiety.

A 2021 study found that those individuals who are victims of ghosting are left utterly confused about whom to blame for the loss of their relationship. Though 59 per cent blamed the one who disappeared, 37 per cent blamed themselves for losing the relationship. 

“Banksying allows room for the situation to linger on for weeks or months, during which some semblance of the relationship is still alive in one’s head. During that time, the person is also closed off to the prospect of other romantic connections,” points out Roy. 

Additionally, the layer of lack of clarity that Banksying brings can have long-lasting repercussions. Like for Maria George, 45, the marketing head at a Bengaluru-based corporate, who was Banksyed by someone she met via a dating app. They met only a year and a half later, after which he began to love-bomb her, making plans to get married. Three months into the relationship, he suddenly turned cold. “It triggered an almost neurotic reaction in me—I found myself calling him continuously at one point, out of sheer frustration,” says George, admitting that she is still averse to the sound of a phone ringing that when she calls someone, she moves the phone away from her to avoid hearing the ringing tone. It took George over a year to realise that he was never going to answer her calls—a conclusion she could have reached earlier had he completely blocked her or ghosted her.

“Banksying can make the person being blindsided doubt their sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Since it also puts the onus of gauging the health of the relationship on the blindsided person, they could become hypervigilant, having to walk on eggshells, or even being in complete denial,” says Sharma.

Being Banksyed is a blow to the ego when the dynamics in a relationship are heavily imbalanced. “Because you are constantly bending over backwards, trying to accommodate the other person who isn’t willing to adjust at all, you then have to guess that the relationship is over,” says Suryavanshi, who had to do just that with his four-month long situationship after she cancelled plans to meet three weeks in a row. 

Had Suryavanshi pursued her despite being Banksyed, it would have been viewed as just another way of “giving mixed signals”. Which, according to Tinder’s Future of Dating Report 2023, was considered normal back in 2013, a time when both Banksying and ghosting simply meant receiving the silent treatment. In the immediate future, perhaps the simplest way to be done with a relationship could be what Whitney Wolfe Herd, CEO of Bumble, suggested in a recent interview: The future of dating could involve letting your personal AI interact with other people’s AIs to determine who is compatible based on preferences, behaviours, and communication styles. But, do we really need AI to find love?