Victim mentality isn’t just psychological. Society shapes it—and rewards it too

“Why me?”. It’s short, dramatic, and the most ostensive hallmark of the victim mentality—a learned pattern where a person repeatedly sees themselves as wronged or sidelined and feels unable to alter it even when solutions are in sight. 

“Victim mentality is a psychological state where an individual consistently sees themselves as powerless, helpless, and at the mercy of circumstances,” says Deepti Chandy, therapist and chief operating officer at Anna Chandy & Associates. This pattern often occurs in friendships, family dynamics, workplace interactions, and relationships. The person perpetually presumes that nothing ever works in their favour, or that the whole world is working against them, without examining their own role in the outcome. 

On the surface level, the victim mentality may seem harmless, or just another bad habit. But experts warn it can quietly erode mental well-being. From sabotaging self-worth to staining relationships, there’s a long list of interpersonal and intrapersonal conflicts that the victim mentality can trigger. The victim mentality psychology affects both how people relate to themselves and to others. To understand it better, we asked mental health professionals to break down the signs, causes, and strategies for change.

Victim mentality meaning and the psychology behind it 

Look closely and many people, consciously or subconsciously, slip into the “poor me” syndrome. Whether triggered by genuine distress or otherwise, this tendency has a term, and it is the victim mentality. 

Psychotherapist Aishwarya Chawla calls it “a deeply ingrained cognitive and emotional framework in which a person consistently sees themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others—even in the absence of clear evidence.” She furthers, “It often involves feelings of helplessness, blame-shifting, and a belief that one has little to no agency in improving their situation.”

Criticism of the victim mentality isn’t about dismissing a genuinely hurtful experience; instead, it’s about lingering on to that feeling in an unknowingly harmful manner. Apurva Oza, a counselling psychologist at The Mood Space, puts it this way: “Victim mentality is not about being wronged or hurt, it’s about wearing those moments like a badge, getting stuck in a headspace where you believe you’re permanently powerless. It’s a mindset, not a one-off bad day.”

“VICTIM MENTALITY IS NOT ABOUT BEING WRONGED OR HURT, IT’S ABOUT WEARING THOSE MOMENTS LIKE A BADGE, GETTING STUCK IN A HEADSPACE WHERE YOU BELIEVE YOU’RE PERMANENTLY POWERLESS” — Apurva Oza

This outlook is learned, not innate. “Suffering, then, becomes one’s brand, and they stop believing in their ability to change things. Suddenly, everything feels pointless, and self-pity moves rent-free,” she adds. 

Why people develop the victim mindset: From early conditioning to cultural scripts 

Medically speaking, the victim mentality isn’t a classified mental health diagnosis, it can be stubborn as chronic stress or anxiety. Oftentimes it develops through early conditioning, unresolved trauma, or learned behaviours from caregivers. 

Enumerating common causes, Oza explains, “When someone grows up feeling powerless or ignored emotionally, they often resort to helplessness as a way to cope. Another reason is the lack of emotional validation; if people are only recognised when they’re hurting, they may start to view victimhood as the only way to feel seen and valued. Low self-esteem also plays an important role in this mindset. When someone doesn’t believe they are capable or worthy, it can feel safer to blame others instead of facing their failures or responsibilities.”

Early conditioning is another factor, says Chandy. “As children, we’re simply trying to get our needs met. If we’ve seen a parent or caregiver use helplessness to elicit support or attention, we may adopt the same strategy, not consciously, but as a learned behaviour.” A prolonged state of perceived powerlessness, combined with the instant gratification that this mentality can offer at times, makes it harder to break such a pattern. “Trauma, repeated setbacks, or chronic disempowerment can reinforce this mindset. When you’ve experienced a lot of situations where you genuinely were powerless, it becomes hard to distinguish between real helplessness and learned helplessness. Victimhood can offer short-term payoffs—think emotional support, leniency, and lowered expectations, making it a hard pattern to break.”

Social media has only amplified this normalisation of victimhood. From cryptic captions to quotes signally sadness, anger or rejection, the performance of distress often prompts a round of sympathetic check-ins online. Chawla notes, “Social media has amplified the victim mentality, often rewarding victimhood with attention, validation, or a sense of belonging. Today, when outrage can be currency and nuance is often lost, victim narratives sometimes offer psychological or social capital—even if unconsciously.”

How Indian culture glorifies victimhood—especially for women 

“Our culture places a high value on endurance, especially for women,” begins Chandy. “Silence, sacrifice, and selflessness are often seen as signs of strength. Over time, this can condition us to normalise suffering rather than question it.” 

“SOCIAL MEDIA AMPLIFIES THE VICTIM MENTALITY, REWARDING VICTIMHOOD WITH ATTENTION, VALIDATION, OR A SENSE OF BELONGING” — Aishwarya Chawla

The interplay of historical and social factors within Indian culture plays a significant role in shaping a skewed, often damaging, perception of the victim mentality. “Indian society—with its layered history of colonialism, rigid social hierarchies, and patriarchal norms—often reinforces collective powerlessness,” points out Chawla. “Culturally, suffering is sometimes romanticised or associated with virtue, especially in women, while the questioning of systems is discouraged.” Gender norms, caste dynamics, and intergenerational trauma further embed helplessness as a default emotional posture. 

Pop culture in India further cements this pattern by celebrating helpless, feeble characters as “virtuous”. Oza cites Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi (the TV soap that has made a regressive comeback), where women earn virtue through silent endurance. In films, the character of Paro from Devdas (2002) and Anjali from Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham (2001) are rewarded for their “sacrifices”, while male leads like the protagonist from Kabir Singh (2019) in the eponymous movie are painted as “deep” or “intense” because of their turmoil.

“Such themes, common across the pop culture we consume, suggest that enduring hardship makes us worthy, [further] nurturing a victim mentality rather than challenging it,” says Oza. “We are conditioned to believe that suffering is not just unavoidable, but admirable. When characters are rewarded for enduring injustice instead of setting boundaries, it reinforces the belief that playing the victim is the only path to love, validation, and respect. Over time, this normalises helplessness and emotional passivity—the two key features of the victim mindset.”

Signs of victim mentality experts say are easy to overlook 

Spotting the signs of victim mentality is the first step toward breaking it. “Signs include constantly blaming others, feeling powerless or unlucky, resisting solutions, ruminating over injustices, or expecting others to ‘rescue’ them emotionally,” says Chawla. “One may also notice repeated feelings of bitterness, entitlement, or being misunderstood.” 

“WHEN YOU’VE EXPERIENCED A LOT OF SITUATIONS WHERE YOU GENUINELY WERE POWERLESS, IT BECOMES HARD TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN REAL HELPLESSNESS AND LEARNED HELPLESSNESS” — Deepti Chandy

Chandy adds that “struggling to accept constructive criticism or feedback, resisting solutions or advice even if offered with care and good intentions, continually seeking validation and comparing yourself to others, or feeling ‘less than others’” are some other common manifestations of the victim mentality psychology. “These may not show up all at once, but even a few recurring patterns are enough to pay attention to.”

The hidden ways victim mentality shapes relationships, careers, and mental health 

A constant loop of self-pity makes it harder to engage with family, friends, partners, and colleagues. Even seeing oneself beyond the role of the victim becomes challenging when the victim mentality psychology takes over. 

“In relationships, both personal and professional, the victim mentality often leads to blame-shifting, manipulative behaviour, and avoidance of accountability,” says relationship counsellor and psychotherapist Ruchi Ruuh. “It can become exhausting for other people dealing with them because they’re often made to feel guilty or responsible, even when they aren’t. It also makes healthy communication and conflict resolution very difficult.” At the workplace, it can create a perception of being someone who is difficult to work with. “People view you as someone who avoids responsibility, takes feedback personally or perpetually feels their workplace is unfair. It stalls growth and isolates the person further,” adds Ruuh. 

In the long term, such a pattern can trigger more concerns around mental health. . “Chronic victimhood fosters learned helplessness, low self-efficacy, and emotional stagnation,” says Chawla. “When one consistently believes they have no control, it diminishes motivation, fuels resentment, and prevents growth. Over time, it can lead to anxiety, depression, and a sense of disconnection from the self and others. It also impairs resilience and healthy coping mechanisms, making the person more vulnerable to stress.”

On a larger scale, such a way of thinking can often push people away from meaningful opportunities and relationships. “When your internal story is that you have neither any control nor choices, you’re less likely to take proactive steps, even when opportunities exist. It’s not about laziness or lack of ambition—it’s about a belief system that stems from a deep-seated sense that your actions won’t make a difference,” explains Chandy. “That belief can keep you in unfulfilling relationships, jobs, or situations long after they’ve stopped serving you, simply because the fear of change or failure feels bigger than the possibility of growth.”

How to stop the victim mindset and unlearn the habits that feed it 

Escaping the victim mentality can feel like wading through quicksand; the more you try to escape, the deeper it pulls you in. Identifying its patterns can be the most difficult step, but once recognised, course correction is paramount. 

“Ask yourself: What needs of mine are being met by staying in this role? Am I getting attention, love, validation?” advises Chandy. While victimhood can elicit a reaction you were expecting, it isn’t a sustainable one. Over time, it undermines both mental and emotional well-being. 

Oza recommends starting with radical responsibility. “Shift your perspective from ‘Why is this happening to me?’ to ‘What can I do to change this?’. It’s also important to reframe those negative thoughts, to set small, achievable goals, and learn to sit with discomfort without letting it take over your mind.” She adds, “Surrounding yourself with people who hold themselves accountable and who aren’t afraid to gently call you out can make a world of difference too.” 

Chawla suggests reframing challenges through a growth mindset, setting boundaries, and celebrating small wins to build self-efficacy and developing emotional regulation skills through mindfulness, journalling, or other wellness and grounding techniques. 

If progress stalls, therapy can help. “If you find yourself stuck in repetitive patterns, feeling powerless despite external changes, or blaming others chronically, therapy can offer a safe space to explore these patterns and help build new narratives rooted in agency and resilience,” says Chawla.

Victim mentality is often misunderstood for vulnerability; but the two aren’t the same. Vulnerability can foster connection, while victimhood calcifies into identity. In a culture that too easily rewards endurance and suffering over agency, it’s worth resisting the comfort of the “poor me” narrative. Ultimately, let victimhood be restricted to a hurtful experience—don’t let it define the entire narrative.