Is being a woman equal to facing a mental health crisis?

We ask experts to analyse the perilous effects of everyday gender bias on the mental health of women

Women do the household chores and men earn for the family. A mother bears and nurtures the child, while the father makes major decisions about the child’s life—from schooling to career options and so on. While this could sound like a misogynistic or patriarchal overstatement, it accurately represents the status quo of the (falsely) perceived gender roles in society for eons, particularly in India. 

Haven’t we all seen a woman in or around our family struggling with a chock-full schedule of things to do, while the “man of the house” conveniently picks up his bag and goes to work? If you were thinking that this phenomenon is a mere stereotype, there’s data to ratify otherwise. “More than 90 per cent of Indian women participated in unpaid domestic work at home in 2019 compared to 27 per cent of men. On the other hand, only 22 per cent of women participated in employment and related activities compared to 71 per cent of men,” revealed a survey by the National Statistical Office, published as a report by The Hindu. Interestingly, if you place the above data in a Venn diagram, you’ll discover that (as of 2019) 12 per cent of the women engage in both paid and unpaid work—the problem being that there’s barely any supplementary support offered to a woman performing both. Therefore, it is imperative to factor in the ill-effects of this overburdening everyday routine on the mental health of women. Perhaps, this is one of the biggest causes behind the deteriorating mental health of women, globally. We trace how the one-dimensional gender bias jeopardises the sanity of women and society as a whole. 

Gender bias is ubiquitous 

Partisan preconceived notions about gender roles, both in theory and practice, have existed across the globe since the 19th century. As Indians, we’re conditioned to believe that the West is progressive, however, that is far from the truth. “In the United States, women do an average of 4.5 hours of such work a day, compared with 2.8 hours for men, according to data from the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (it calculates overall averages, regardless of whether people are employed),” revealsThe New York Times. “Even in the most gender-equal countries, like Sweden, women do 50 minutes more unpaid work a day than men.” In India, the gap (between men and women performing unpaid labour) only augments further. 

According to a survey conducted by a professor from the Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad, women in the working age category between 15 to 60 years spend 7.2 hours on unpaid domestic work compared to 2.8 hours spent by men. If you think this data entails information about just homemakers, think again. “Even wage-earning women spend twice the amount of time on unpaid domestic work in comparison to wage-earning men in fulfilling basic needs of the household,” revealed an article by The Economic Times. This is also reflective of the general inequality between men and women in our country. “Let me refer you to the Gender Inequality Index (GII) where India ranks 122nd out of 191 countries, stating the differences between men and women with respect to reproductive health, political and educational empowerment, and labour market participation. Based on the GSNI (Gender Social Norms Index), 99 per cent of those in India hold biases against women, across political, economic, educational, and physical integrity spheres,” shares Hansika Kapoor, a psychologist at Monk Prayogshala.

Furthermore, women are twice as likely to develop some kind of mental disorder than men. “These disparities are deeply rooted in cultural, societal, and historical norms. While there have been efforts to challenge and change them, there is still work to be done to achieve true gender equality,” shares Shaurya Gahlawat, a psychologist, psychotherapist and relationship counsellor. 

One-sided unpaid labour spawns into mental health crisis

You’re hungry? You’ll look out for your mother. You faced the slightest inconvenience? You’ll expect her help. Combine the glorification of motherhood with a generational approach towards gender roles and you have the perfect recipe for an alarming mental health crisis. Many of us have grown up witnessing one-sided unpaid labour in our homes, neighbourhood, and society at large. However, it’s not just one-sided unpaid labour that promotes augmented mental health challenges; it’s the ceaseless baggage and expectations around it that makes women more and more susceptible to something as preliminary as stress to complex conditions such as high-functioning anxiety and depression. 

How does this pressure build a mountain of mental load? “In several ways,” begins Kapoor. “The physical (not to mention cognitive) stress of having to manage tasks within the home as well as outside (if employed) can lead to exhaustion and burnout, as well as other concerns such as anxiety and depression.” And, despite this, lamentable feelings such as ‘mom guilt’ and invisible problems like ‘time poverty’ enter a woman’s life with a one-way ticket. “Often, there is limited time for leisure or unwinding, and sometimes, even if such time is available, the guilt of taking time for oneself versus spending time on household tasks can reinforce a gendered distribution of free time (where traditionally men are “supposed” to take time for themselves whereas women are not).”

Diving deeper into the many negative repercussions, psychologist and relationship counsellor Ruchi Ruuh says, “A constant mode of stress leads to anxiety, chronic fatigue, hormonal imbalance and being overwhelmed. Most women are so exhausted that they hardly get time for self-care, maintain a healthy support system/friendships, or even exercise. This leads to more problems like dissatisfaction and loss of interest. Women spend so much time firefighting, resolving conflicts, meeting the needs of the family and maintaining harmony (as it’s deemed their job to do so). This leads to them shouldering more responsibilities than what their physical or mental abilities allow. And, they still remain invisible and underpaid, which can lead to major struggles with confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem.. Lastly, lack of sleep and time for intimacy with a partner can also create dissatisfaction between the couple and result in marital discord.”

“If women have to do everything, they won’t be able to do anything properly. The constant guilt of missing out or doing something incorrectly or halfheartedly only adds to the stress, anxiety and pressure,” says Gahlawat. She tells us that different women have different choices, and they must be acknowledged and respected, however, not at the cost of their holistic soundness. “Many women find meaning and joy in taking care of the house and family— they do not think of it as unpaid labour; on the contrary, they find it fulfilling. Then there are also women who prefer having it all; they are happy taking care of the family/house and their job outside the house. It is important to know that there is no right or wrong here. However, if you are a woman who prefers having your other family members or flatmates  take responsibility for the house/meals, then setting boundaries, dividing responsibilities in an equitable manner and hiring domestic help is the best way out,” advises the mental health expert. “This may have been only a woman’s job in the past but those days are long gone.” 

The perils of gender bias on young minds

It goes without saying that the impressionable minds in your home observe everything you do. “The setting within a household has profound impacts on children—both boys and girls. If household tasks (such as laundry, cooking, and driving) are gender-agnostic (meaning both parents perform the tasks), then children will learn that there is nothing inherent in the task itself that determines whether only men or only women can perform it,” says Kapoor. “In my opinion, there is a singular task that is sex-specific: childbirth. Barring that, cultural and social norms have perpetuated assumptions relating to what women and men are expected to do, including a division of labour between home and work. If we’d like the next generation to learn differently, we need to model that behaviour to them.”

Incorrect model-setting can also negatively impact the development of a child’s emotional intelligence and understanding of oneself. “As children learn through modelling and if the primary caregivers actively engage in these stereotypical roles, the child ought to learn that men have the responsibility of external work and might not engage in the affairs of the house/chores whereas women need to be at home and indulging in domestic duties (not just chores but also the entire responsibility of nurturing and caring). This can result in gender expectations by both boys and girls when they grow up (boys assuming that women will take care of the home and girls assuming that the financial burden needs to be carried by the man). The biggest harm is that children start segregating emotions based on gender and more stereotypes come into the picture—that women always complain or cry, while men are tough and unemotional,” says Ruuh. 

In consensus, Gahlawat adds, “For a lot of women that I work with, seeing their mothers overburdened with unpaid labour limits their ambitions. For a lot of men that I work with, seeing their mothers take on certain roles is what perpetuated a sense of entitlement and disconnection from caregiving responsibilities.” Additionally, children may also carry these notions and beliefs into their future relationships, inviting a vicious cycle of trouble. “Children who witness abuse along with these gender biases might feel traumatised for life and play similar roles in their own relationships as an adult,” says Ruuh.

The perils of gender bias on the society

When you view society from a larger lens, gender biases can prove to be regressive in more than one way. “Gender bias reinforces patriarchal norms, which means not moving with the times and not adapting to what we need today. It restricts individuals’ potential, limiting their opportunities and choices based on their gender rather than their abilities and interests. Hence, there is less space and opportunity for creativity and new ideas. It also gives unequal value to the contributions of men and women, both within and outside the home,” says Gahlawat. 

On the subject of motherhood, Kapoor shares, “Women who choose to become mothers may have to deal with additional judgments, expectations, and burdens which childless women may not. And women who choose not to have children have to deal with their own sets of societal concerns, due to the assumption that becoming a mother is the true fulfilment of one's womanhood. Further, the motherhood penalty (loss in earnings owing to taking care of the household and reduced time for work) is a very real inequality, which new fathers do not have to bear.” Motherhood fatigue is an outcome of the glorification of mothers, their sacrifices, and their selflessness that has been depicted in movies and stories and is expected in real life too.

A better future requires work

Kapoor admits that addressing or tackling the mental load caused by gender bias at home depends a lot on the kind of family setup one lives in. “Having said that, communication is key to setting better expectations from partners as well as children. Often, although some men today may want to help around the home, older generations may hold different expectations of their sons, who find it difficult to navigate the situation.” Gahlawat recommends setting boundaries, indulging in adequate self-care, seeking a division of responsibilities and resorting to external support, should you feel like it.

Instead of self-victimisation, “avoid the temptation to micromanage, allowing children to handle chores in their own way. Involve them in age-appropriate tasks, encouraging them to share responsibilities,” suggests Ruuh. “When you get an opportunity, allow yourself that time to regroup, with minimal guilt. Remember, you cannot fill with an empty cup,” says Kapoor. “Let go of the idea of perfection and keep room for flexibility and compromise. There is no ideal parenting or living style, so don't be pressured into creating an idealistic image based on what works for others,” concludes Ruuh.

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