Has the language of trauma turned mental health into a sought-after commodity?
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have embedded themselves into the global consciousness with their falling-out story centered on the British royal family—a story as layered as the French croquembouche, replete with shocking revelations and pubescent misgivings, and riddled with existential questions. The couple’s respective stories are a testament to the still relevant ‘family drama’ trope in popular culture.
Harry, in the couple’s now famous sit-down interview with Oprah Winfrey in March 2021, revealed that he stopped receiving any financial support from his family in “the first quarter of 2020,” the same time the couple released their statement that they were working towards becoming financially independent.
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The TikTok hashtag #TraumaTok has garnered over 615 million views, which provides disturbing evidence that people are keen to take to social media to talk about their trauma. Image: Pexels
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While it is problematic for anyone to question the validity of people’s stories, the critics of trauma talk believe some people have a penchant for overstating their pain. Image: Pexels
While there’s no officially recognised figure for what Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will be worth in 2023, Business Insider reported in 2020 that the couple were worth at least $30 million, citing 2018 estimates from Money.com, which were made before the couple inked their Netflix deal. Following their deals with Netflix ($100 million) for Harry & Meghan and Spotify ($25 million) for Markle’s Archetypes, Prince Harry’s cumulative net worth has skyrocketed to almost $60 million in less than two years, according to Wealthy Gorilla and NetflixLife. And let’s not forget to include the money he will earn from his searing memoir, Spare, which has already become the United Kingdom’s fastest-selling non-fiction book. According to a report in The Guardian, just on the first day of its release, it has recorded sales figures of 4,00,000 copies, including hardback, ebook, and audio formats.
These financials sum up an important truth: The formation of scarring and humiliating thoughts does help rake in a decent chunk of change. In Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s case, their trauma has earned them mega cultural and social clout, too. How does one then perceive all the oversharing?
A new lexicon
The TikTok hashtag #TraumaTok has garnered over 615 million views, which provides disturbing evidence that people are keen to take to social media and not a therapist’s couch to share their scarring experiences, which range from episodes in their childhood to physical violence, drug abuse, abandonment, and even police violence.
While it is problematic for anyone to question the validity of people’s stories, the critics of trauma talk believe some people have a penchant for overstating their pain for various reasons, including social, cultural and even emotional clout.
Viraj Mehta, a Mumbai-based counselling psychologist, says understanding the cultural significance of trauma talk means coming to terms with the pervasiveness of various types of trauma people may face. “Unfortunately or fortunately, social media platforms incentivise such disclosures—and that invitation is financially and culturally tempting for numerous reasons, including that not many people can afford therapy,” he says. Mehta further elaborates that some individuals find viral success when they share their trauma, thus creating doubt about their motivations. “But reducing trauma talk to being silly or self-indulgent misses the bigger picture: People should be free to express their trauma because they’ve experienced it, and they want to stop pretending everything is fine,” says Mehta.
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In Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s case, their trauma has earned them mega cultural and social clout, too. Image: Courtesy of Prince Harry and Meghan
Comparing trauma
When investment banker Sandeep, who requested anonymity, met his former girlfriend at a Mumbai bar in 2019, the sparks flew instantly. Like most millennial interactions, theirs was peppered with sarcasm, side-eye rolls and slanted jokes. In three months, the conversation soon blossomed into regular dates and a full-blown relationship. Eventually, the topic of family came up, and the date took a serious turn as he discovered his partner’s upbringing was mired in traumatic accounts of abuse and alcoholism. Sandeep offered emotional support and even suggested she start therapy. She declined. “Once we started having regular conversations about her childhood, she started equating everything in our relationship with episodes from the past. If I had an extra peg at a friend’s party, she would snap at me for not being responsible enough. If I told her about having a bad day, she would conveniently make it about herself and tell me how she went through many phases where her past trauma didn’t allow her to lead a full life.”
Sandeep soon realised that his partner at the time was always looking to build emotional clout by using her trauma to gain sympathy. She even went as far as to talk about her past experiences with his friends at a party. He knew he needed to end it.
Mehta believes unresolved trauma can be damaging to a relationship, especially if the partner isn’t open to healing. “A relationship is a safe space for individuals who haven’t resolved past issues. The partner doing the trauma talk feels entitled to bring it up whenever they want. In some cases, they manipulate their partners into doing what they want by using trauma as a bargaining chip.”
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Some individuals find viral success when they share their trauma, thus creating doubt about their motivations, believes Mehta. Image: Pexels
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"When they choose to publicise their trauma, it’s usually in an attempt to cement their role as the centre of the universe." Image: Unsplash
Building social currency
New Delhi-based software professional Deepti, who requested anonymity, believes her colleague used her sexual abuse issue to turn her victimhood into a form of currency. “I’m sure she has genuinely suffered and is still dealing with the effects of the abuse. But at what point do I stop feeling sorry for her and start feeling like I’m being manipulated? Especially when my colleague asked human resources to allow her to hold a therapy class with other colleagues who may have felt the same. She even titled it: ‘Turn your pain into power’. An official email went out with quotes from my colleague and a call to action to ‘anyone looking for a shoulder to lean on.’”
Soon, the colleague became the de-facto spokesperson for the company, featuring on women empowerment panels across their branches globally. In a recent development, Deepti tells The Established her colleague has been slacking at work and when questioned, the latter has cited her "added responsibilities of holding trauma release sessions" as a reason. The colleague in question has also asked human resources for a bump in salary to compensate for her time helping other individuals in the organisation heal. The mushrooming of so-called “wellness therapies” on social media and in corporate circles has also given rise to pseudo-therapists who are but in reality just Instagram influencers (remember the social media influencer who received flak for starting an initiative where she offered to give therapy sessions for ₹ 1,500?). However, it is cause for concern that very little ethical regulation binds these pseudo-therapists, who lure victims of trauma and abuse into seeking “therapy” and thus committing fraud upon them.
Mehta says the advantage of going public with trauma is, at times, rooted in ego. “People feel they’re special because their trauma is wildly different from everyone else’s. When they choose to publicise their trauma, it’s usually in an attempt to cement their role as the centre of the universe. It’s an I-Me-Mine mentality where the ego gets to indulge itself while retaining the role of a victim," he says.
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