Subscribe to our newsletter and be the first to access exclusive content and expert insights.

subscribe now subscribe cover image
Arman Khan profile imageArman Khan

From believing in children to not retraumatising them, there is a lot caregivers can do so that trauma does not become an unending road for many.

Understanding the role of caregivers in preventing child abuse

From believing in children to not retraumatising them by making them confront abusers, there is a lot caregivers can do to ensure trauma does not become an unending road for many

Founder of Bachpan Bachao Andolan and recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize in 2014, children’s rights activist Kailash Satyarthi once said: “Children are not saved because they cannot vote.” 

It is a telling statement, a scathing fact, rather, in a country where various crimes against children have increased by 16.2 per cent from 2020 to 2021 according to the government’s own National Crime Records Bureau. While the apparatus around child protection in India does exist—from the National Commission for Protection of Child Rights (NCPCR) that works to regulate laws around it to the stringent penalties under the Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse (POCSO) Act—it is the societal remedy and will that remains weak. 

A lot of healing depends on how parents and caregivers react to abuse once it has surfaced. Image: Pexels

A lot of healing depends on how parents and caregivers react to abuse once it has surfaced. Image: Pexels

A major chunk of child sexual abuse can be prevented if there is enough awareness, education and age-appropriate sex education for children. Image: Pexels

A major chunk of child sexual abuse can be prevented if there is enough awareness, education and age-appropriate sex education for children. Image: Pexels

More importantly, what happens when the people entrusted to protect our children are themselves ignorant and complacent about the multifaceted demon that is child abuse? In the recent case of a 10-year-old boy who had succumbed to injuries from alleged sexual and physical assault at New Delhi's LNJP hospital, the doctors clarified that he could’ve been saved if his own parents had brought him to the hospital sooner instead of dismissing his agony four times. 

Open your eyes 

Jehanzeb Baldiwala, a child psychotherapist who has been working in the domain of harmonising and fostering healthy child development bonds in the context of the Indian family, believes that even the word ‘caregiver’ is a bit of a misnomer in the context of children. “One would like to believe that caring (understood holistically) would come naturally to parents and those in the first line of contact with children,” she says. 

The way Baldiwala sees it, particularly in the Indian context, it’s the lack of awareness of sexual abuse that negatively dictates much of how primary caregivers navigate the lives of children. From a remark made in jest to refusing to acknowledge or validate the experiences of children, there is a lot of damage that caregivers end up inflicting upon children simply by not doing anything. 

“We like to believe that child sexual abuse always happen elsewhere and not in our own homes,” adds Baldiwala. “The truth is sexual abuse takes many forms, ranging from grooming to explicit sexual abuse and, in most cases, it is done by someone known to both the parents and the children–even perhaps by an older cousin, nannies, drivers and that seemingly friendly neighbour.”

She insists that a lot of abuse can be nipped in the bud and immediately addressed if caregivers or parents even listen. In most cases, says Baldiwala, children will drop subtle hints of abuse in the form of third-person questions. “They will ask if it’s okay to watch porn after having been exposed to it illegally by the abuser or they will tell you that they don’t want to visit to be with a particular uncle or cousin. Listen to them; don’t force them into interactions and situations they are not comfortable with. Understand the context of their questions that might seem random to you but are not.”

“WHEN THE CHILD BLAMES THEIR PARENTS AFTER BECOMING AN ADULT, IT’S OFTEN IN CASES WHERE ABUSE WAS NEVER ADDRESSED OR TAKEN SERIOUSLY”

Jehanzeb Baldiwala

In India various crimes against children have increased by 16.2 per cent from 2020 to 2021 according to the government’s own National Crime Records Bureau. Image: Pexels

In India various crimes against children have increased by 16.2 per cent from 2020 to 2021 according to the government’s own National Crime Records Bureau. Image: Pexels

According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), child sexual abuse includes a wide array of sexual activities such as “fondling, inviting a child to touch or be touched sexually, intercourse, exhibitionism, involving a child in prostitution or pornography, or online child luring by cyber-predators.” Even India’s POCSO Act has a broad definition of child sexual abuse beyond penetrative assault to include visual, verbal and physical sexual abuse as well. 

Creating safe spaces 

Anshit Baxi, a 34-year-old social worker based in Mumbai who has worked with various child care homes, says that India also suffers from the scourge of spaces that are meant to nurture and care for survivors of child abuse and neglect but instead turn into spaces of horror and further abuse. 

“In our child care homes, abuse and punishment is rampant,” Baxi says. “In one of the homes I was working for, I still remember the case of a boy who was held down by his own seniors and thrashed with a cricket bat for hours on end, simply as punishment for trying to escape the abysmal conditions of the child care home.”

In such spaces, care, more often than not, masquerades for further abuse. For children hailing from low-income households, it’s even worse as they have barely any adult stakeholders rooting for them or awaiting their return. “In child care homes, the adult staff are not allowed to keep children with them all the time so they appoint monitors in the form of older children. At times, it’s also these older children who partake in the abuse of the younger ones.”

World of guilt

The monologue of actor Alia Bhatt’s character in the Imtiaz Ali directorial Highway where she calls out her abuser in front of the whole family was perhaps the first time a mainstream Bollywood film addressed the issue of child abuse within families head-on. She blames her parents in the film–why didn’t they listen to her? How could they not see? Even child psychotherapist Baldiwala says that often abuse, particularly in the form of grooming, can happen right in front of your eyes and you will tend to ignore it by believing that the person in question is simply fond of your child. 

 In the Indian context the lack of awareness of sexual abuse that negatively dictates much of how primary caregivers navigate the lives of children. Image: Pexels

In the Indian context the lack of awareness of sexual abuse that negatively dictates much of how primary caregivers navigate the lives of children. Image: Pexels

A lot of abuse can be nipped in the bud and immediately addressed if caregivers or parents even listen. Image: Pexels

A lot of abuse can be nipped in the bud and immediately addressed if caregivers or parents even listen. Image: Pexels

“When the child blames their parents after becoming an adult, it’s often in cases where abuse was never addressed or taken seriously,” Baldiwala says. “Most children acknowledge that if their parents couldn't probably do much to prevent abuse, they could’ve at least handled it better when it came to light. The blame in adulthood takes place when trust is broken and it’s broken when you’re not heard.”

Tanuja Babri, who has extensively worked in the field of child sexual abuse with various domestic and international organisations, explains that a lot of healing depends on how parents and caregivers react to abuse once it has surfaced. “Don’t make the child repeat the story again and again; don’t make them confront their abuser as it may lead to them retraumatised,” she says.  “Make them understand that it was never their fault just because they couldn’t say ‘no’.  They might feel if they didn’t say no, does it mean they wanted it? However, caregivers must create a safe space and make children understand when the abuse is taking place.”

Babri agrees with Baldiwala’s understanding that a major chunk of child sexual abuse can be prevented if there is enough awareness, education and age-appropriate sex education for children. “Maintain whatever sense of normalcy you can without ever being dismissive of their experiences,” she says.

Also Read: Setting up your child’s library entails more than just buying books

Also Read: Why are we shying away from portraying the grey shades of mother-daughter relationships?

Also Read: A new mom breaks the notion of pregnancy being touted as a magical period


Subscribe for More

Subscribe to our newsletter and be the first to access exclusive content and expert insights.

subscribe now