Are men still dictating the beauty choices women should make?

It is rather ironic that the beauty industry, supposedly catering to the needs of women, is propagating, through the male gaze, a dangerous stereotype of how a woman should appear and carry herself 

No one would have envisaged that three words, wipe it off (read: wipe-id-off), could take the Internet by storm. But they did, when Alia Bhatt quoted her husband Ranbir Kapoor, who says these words to her while referring to the lipstick she wears because he prefers the “natural colour of her lips” over a prominent wash of colour. Bhatt’s make-up video promptly garnered an unfathomable amount of comments and shares, citing how she’s living an unhappy marriage, how they aren’t equals, and how he calls the shots and she simply follows. While Bhatt’s statement did blow out of proportion in the most exaggerated way, that a man in your life feels authoritative enough to have an opinion on something as basic—and personal—as the lipstick you wear, is just one example of how misogyny manifests in society. Bhatt did use her recent episode of Koffee With Karan as a platform to clear the air; however, netizens had formed multiple opinions by then.

While the Webster Dictionary defines misogyny as “hatred towards women”, we conjecture that the term entails a lot more today. Is it because it is taken more seriously as opposed to words like sexism and chauvinism? From gender pay parity to domestic abuse, a lack of equal opportunity to the sense of ownership in men (as portrayed in films such as Kabir Singh and Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein), these social quandaries creates a snowball effect of the long-prevailing misogynistic attitude in our patriarchal society. However, the most dystopian yardstick to have come out of such normalised misogyny has to be that of an ideal woman, one who ticks the superficial boxes of being good-looking enough to be desirable for a man. “Misogyny is evident in societal beauty standards,” says fashion coach and lifestyle content creator Aiana Jain. “Add body image, the colour of one’s skin, and objectification of female bodies with various media’s influence and pressure to conform to societal expectations, and it leads to a sense of inadequacy if a woman does not meet even one of them.”

Beauty and misogyny have shared a long-standing relationship—an unfavourable one for women, for sure. It’s ironic how the beauty industry, supposedly catering to the needs of women, has actually propagated the sketch of an archetypal woman, conceived completely from the male gaze. “Misogyny is at the root of the blueberry-scented, peptide-infused face serum in the cute click-top packaging that convinces you, through celebrities and influencers, that using it equals  self-care. It’s tucking your oversized t-shirt into your leggings at the gym, so you can see an hourglass in the mirror while you sweat,” shares Naina Bhan, actor and content creator. “Our minds are programmed to a 24x7 misogyny frequency even when we’re in our private moments. I’m aware that I will be in a constant conversation with myself, unpacking layers of generational conditioning, especially working in industries where going against the beauty norm is a brave choice,” adds Bhan.  

Andrew Tate was declared a self-proclaimed misogynist by BBC when his narcissistic comments about how an 18- or 19-year-old is more desirable than a 25-year-old paraded both ageism and sexism at once. Slut-shaming a woman for wearing a bold red lip, presuming a woman isn’t feminine enough if she decides to ditch long hair, or simply deducing that a woman doesn’t fit a managerial role because she wears more make-up than what is considered acceptable in a corporate setting are all misogynistic comportments. A 2020 study published in the journal Sex Roles, revealed that both male and female respondents perceived women wearing a lot of make-up as less human, less warm, and less moral. “Faces are perceived as being more sexualised when wearing make-up,” says Phillipe Bernard, the study’s lead author. “Our research also shows that heavy make-up triggers lower attributions of human-like traits to women, regardless of whether they were models or ordinary women. This suggests that heavy make-up prompts men and women to focus more on women’s sexiness and sex appeal than on their personality, thereby causing a subtle form of dehumanisation,” he added. Wasn’t make-up intended to do otherwise? Who cares, anymore. 

Why has misogyny held its ground for all these years?

Did you know that your much-loved Benetint by Benefit Cosmetics was originally created for exotic dancers as a lip and nipple stain to lure their audiences back in 1976? “Beauty standards have been prevailing for women historically—it’s always been a debate in the spotlight; lots on the subject has been published. And yet, there is always a pressure to conform to specific body shapes, facial features, or beauty practices,” begins Ruchi Ruuh, a therapist and relationship counsellor. “Media portals, even from the times when we didn’t have many outlets, point out a certain misogyny towards women’s bodies and how they are expected to behave. Media portrayal, cultural norms, and advertising have played roles in shaping these standards, sometimes contributing to unrealistic ideals and fostering a sense of inadequacy among women.”

Is patriarchy the silent subversive? “Any society where men hold powerful positions will subject women to smaller, subordinating roles where they can’t make decisions or stand up for themselves. This practice is historically documented and will always be hurtful to women,” says Ruuh. “Women have historically been excluded from certain professions and opportunities, contributing to economic disparities that can perpetuate misogyny. From a young age, they are groomed and conditioned to feel inferior to men, and so we see a lot of self-depreciation among women. It’s a complex system that doesn't let women speak for themselves.” 

Along the same lines, New Delhi-based celebrity dermatologist Dr Kiran Sethi says these traits aren’t just born out of misogyny but also from civilisation cultures. “The region-specific preferences interplay and cause some effects in this desire for women to place a lot of emphasis on looking young, thin, and beautiful.” Needless to say, when society is so in favour of one particular gender, the other(s) suffer. “How many times have you heard someone say ‘we live in a man’s world’?” questions beauty content creator Bianca Contractor. “We are almost conditioned to believe that the final goal is to achieve a man’s approval. That doesn’t ring as true today, but even just hearing this repeatedly in your formative years makes it seep in somehow, and you unknowingly try to cater to that image. But having said that, I do believe that we, as women, are also partially to blame for setting unrealistic standards for each other.”

“Misogyny prevails everywhere, especially in the modelling industry,” shares Merrylin Boro, a model, content creator, and co-founder of Off Days Hair, a range of haircare products. “The modelling and beauty industry set the tone of how a woman should be perceived. I’m guilty of being part of an industry that enables this idea that women should only look a certain way and fit into that criteria in order to be seen as beautiful.” On the other hand, Bhan feels like there exists a pressure to present [oneself] as feminine. “Hourglass figures, focus on the size of one’s breasts, having thick long hair, and so on. You must look toned, but too much muscle doesn’t sit well. You must look put together, but not overdo it. Men find it easy to comment on how much make-up a woman uses or make assumptions about a woman's character based on her appearance; for instance, if a woman likes to go full glam she’s [considered] high maintenance.”

The multi-faceted perils of misogyny

Misogyny poses threats in more ways than one. Women have been dealing with physical, mental, financial, emotional or all of these crises for decades now. “Misogynistic beauty standards often place unrealistic expectations on women, reinforcing harmful stereotypes and contributing to a culture of objectification,” says Jain. “Some of these that have bothered me are maintaining an ideal body shape, which can lead to a narrow definition of beauty and dissatisfaction with one’s body, and the pressure to have a youthful appearance, a certain skin tone and facial features,” adds the 45-year-old.

Contractor feels women also, at times, engender misogyny instead of redefining beauty standards. “When you see beauty creators online using filters, and face tunes and what not to look ‘flawless’, people who can’t identify a filter are bound to believe that this is what a beautiful woman should look like. And that’s such an unrealistic standard to try to achieve.” While Boro’s goal is to feel at her best when she’s wearing make-up or playing dress-up, she does admit that the pressure to look perfect for women is so damaging. “Without even realising the way we perceive ourselves, we move in society through a man’s gaze—we go on to correct our skin, be hairless, correct our facial features just so we can exist.”

Bhan feels no shame in embracing an experimental more-is-more approach to make-up instead of vouching for a natural make-up look. She admits she uses her free time on Sundays to get creative with colours and designs on her eyes. But are teenagers able to read between the lines? Not really, she worries. “I grew up isolated from the beauty standard like several other brown girls because 5 feet-10 inch Amazonian Victoria Secret models or 100-pound LA socialites were the celebrated standard. Being hairless with over-tweezed eyebrows made so many brown girls feel ashamed of their bodies, including myself. Today, girls have access to a wider variety of information and discourse. However, hyper-capitalist marketing strategies and algorithms are dangerous tools in the mix. If the fashion, beauty, and lifestyle industry profits significantly from the poor self-image that women have, then that is the agenda that gets pushed. We’re chronically online and chronically insecure. I think there is a loss of childhood and innocence.”

Issues around body image and crashed mental well-being are the other two obvious spin-offs of this vicious cycle. “I feel like everyone can look pretty or presentable in their unique ways, but if every woman has a preconceived (almost impossible) notion seeded in her mind pertaining to the size of her waist, it will affect her sense of confidence, food choices, fitness goals, and mental health in a negative way,” says Samreedhi Goel, a Bombay-based nutritionist. “Misogyny, therefore, is one of the biggest contributors to body-image issues; for instance, if you are shorter than the height you wish for, it will always create anguish within you even if it’s something you can’t do anything about. As a nutritionist, I feel like it is my job to inform every client of mine that there is no pre-set standard that one needs to adhere to—height, weight, body shape, and size included.” adds Ruuh, “Constant exposure to unrealistic beauty ideals can contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues as individuals may feel pressured to meet unattainable beauty standards. The focus on external appearance can overshadow other qualities, creating a sense that a girl's value is tied to looks rather than character.”

“Speaking from personal experience, misogynistic beauty standards can pose significant threats to the impressionable minds of young girls,” begins Elizabeth Isaac, founder of Gunam Beauty. “As a young girl, I saw far too many of my friends and family members constantly under pressure to look and dress a certain way. In many instances, it was their own mothers who insisted on this. Some friends were restricted from eating certain kinds of foods to avoid gaining weight or get rid of acne. I’ve also heard stories of girls who were put on harmful medication without fully understanding the seriousness of the treatment protocol they were on. Some people have body-image issues and, in some instances, have led to eating disorders and other mental health issues.” She furthers, “It’s important to approach this issue with empathy and understanding, especially when it comes to young children. Addressing misogyny requires a multifaceted approach, including education, legal and policy changes, cultural shifts, and personal introspection and growth. It involves challenging the status quo, questioning long-held beliefs, and advocating for a society where all individuals, regardless of gender, are respected and valued equally.”

Freeing yourself from the clutches of misogyny

There’s a pressing need for unlearning and learning in this case, given that women can feel fogged by the juxtaposition of internalised beliefs and information overload. Jain believes that this happens as you age, with experience and an understanding of right and wrong. “I feel as we grow older, we become aware of the BS and start to understand we are more than how we look. For me, personally, things have only gotten better as I have aged, with no pressure to fit in or stand out,” she shares. However, trashing beauty standards and being comfortable in your own skin as well as your beauty choices should be the only golden rules.

“Being a beauty content creator, I’m very conscious of making sure I put out the most authentic version of myself. I make sure I never use filters or smooth out my skin. If you look at any of my videos, you’ll be able to see the texture of my skin or the peach fuzz on my face. And that’s fine because everyone has it. So, when it comes to anyone with a platform, if we just try a little harder to embrace who we are, what we really look like with all our flaws, and put that out for the world to see, I think it would make a big difference to how the future generations perceive beauty,” says Contractor. Along the same lines, Sethi adds, “I do think that social media influencers and movie stars need to stop pretending like they naturally look perfect when they’re opting for different procedures because that creates a false impression in the minds of young people who follow them, thinking that that’s (naturally) true. When you’re on the public stage, you have to be honest so that people don’t fall for lies—I think that’s important.”

Bhan also highlights the changes that are gradually transpiring around us. “I like Rare Beauty’s attention to packaging, which makes it easier for a person with disabilities to use the product or that Fenty Beauty began with an expansive shade range. I liked that Colgate recently did an advertising campaign about different kinds of smiles. However, I think we can be more inclusive, especially in terms of shade ranges and beauty needs catered to different ethnicities. We can be more inclusive of age groups. I still don’t find diverse age groups at beauty events, brand launches or digital marketing unless one is pushing an anti-ageing product.” Jain believes that encouraging open dialogue, promoting education, and fostering a culture of respect and equality are essential steps toward challenging regressive standards and combating the objectification of women. “For individuals, I think we can do the work of being more self-aware and informed. Every time you see a trend that either excites you or agitates you, have a conversation with yourself to explore why that is. Does it truly work for you or are you giving unnecessary power to a trend or stereotype? Then make your decisions,” concludes Bhan.

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