What does it mean to work on your inner child?

While inner child healing holds potential for profound transformation, its effectiveness depends on one’s willingness to explore uncomfortable emotions and engage in self-practice 

Over the past few years there has been plenty of discourse on the practice of inner child healing—an approach deeply rooted in reconnecting with one’s inner child that is often buried beneath the weight of adulthood. We speak to professional therapists to shed light on the practice and its limitations, as well as with individuals who've experienced profound healing through embracing their inner child, gaining valuable insights that have empowered them to overcome past wounds and live more fulfilling lives. 

Understanding Inner Child Healing in the Modern Context

Inner child healing is an integrative approach that draws from various therapeutic modalities, including psychology, psychoanalysis and spirituality. At its core, it involves addressing unresolved emotions, traumas and wounds that stem in one’s childhood and that continue to influence adult behaviour and well-being.

The increasing discourse around the topic can perhaps be attributed to various factors including an interest in spirituality, a more self-aware population and the being cognisant of one’s  emotional well-being. Sabah Tahilramani, teacher and founder of The Self-Mastery Initiative, shares her insight: “Spirituality is no longer on the fringes as it once was. In recent times, there has been a collective rise in consciousness among people. Humanity is having a spiritual awakening; we are asking the bigger questions. The eternal quest is to understand the self, the cosmos, the ultimate reality and our purpose of existence.”

Tahilramani goes on to add, “We are on the frontier of bridging science and spirituality; more people are now open to learning about the epigenetic generational patterns that keep us stuck in repetitive patterns. Even as recently as 10 years ago, these issues were dismissed as frivolous and indulgent especially in India, but this is changing rapidly.”

At its core, it involves addressing unresolved emotions, traumas and wounds that stem in one’s childhood and that continue to influence adult behaviour and well-being. Natasha Mahindra, founder of Anam Cara Yoga Retreats and a dance and yoga therapist has been working in this space for over 15 years.  “The therapy of Inner Child Healing welcomes more esoteric practices including shamanic music and dancing unlike traditional practices of psychotherapy that are more talk- or language-focused. Oftentimes, in Inner Child Healing sessions, we move beyond the earthly realm to deeper spaces,” she says.  

The Benefits of Inner Child Healing

For the longest time, a large part of the discourse on therapy was loosely around Freudian theories, RET (Rational Emotive Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). However, with a shift towards spirituality, it has been established that these practices lack a holistic approach. 

Mahindra says, “Inner child healing has been around as long as yoga and psychotherapy have. It’s just the language that has changed in recent years. People are now drawn to the language being used to express or talk about the practice, as well as its mystical and magical aspects.” She puts forward an interesting observation: “The  shift has happened in a way that people are now looking at major  transformations through shamanic healing, sometimes ignoring the most important aspect—which is inculcating a regulated self-practice.”

Tahilramani adds, “In psychology, there is a disconnection between the mind, body and emotions. Talk therapy and cognitive approaches can be helpful tools but exclude the rest of the brain and body. The prefrontal cortex where the sense-making happens is a much newer part of the brain compared to the reptilian and limbic systems. In talk therapy, we are using the prefrontal cortex or the conscious part of the brain. The root of harmful behaviours is in the older, reptilian part of the brain and in the nervous system. In fact, repeating old traumatic stories activates the autonomic nervous system without providing space for the processing of residual anxiety and trauma.”

“For the longest time, it wasn’t easy to access information on crystal healers or plant medicine—these were unheard of many years ago. Now, with increased accessibility, a lot more people are familiar with such information and practices. So I am not sure if people have become more spiritual, but they do have better access,” says Mahindra.

Navigating Inner Child Healing 

By addressing the root causes of these patterns, individuals can experience a newfound sense of emotional freedom and resilience. We narrow down the key aspects of the process of inner child healing: 

Embracing Vulnerability: Inner child healing requires individuals to confront their vulnerabilities and delve into uncomfortable emotions. This willingness to confront the past and acknowledge pain is an essential step towards healing.

Self-Compassion: The process emphasises self-compassion as individuals learn to treat themselves with the kindness and understanding they might have lacked during their childhood.

Inner Child Dialogue: Practitioners often engage in inner child dialogues, where they communicate with their inner child to understand their needs, fears and desires. This process encourages a profound connection between past and present selves.

Integration of Creativity: Art therapy, journaling and creative expression play a significant role in inner child healing. These outlets allow individuals to bypass cognitive defences and access buried emotions.

A New Reality: Tahilramani shares an interesting overview on creating a new reality by understanding quantum physics. She says, “With inner child therapy, we use what is known as retrocausality, or the idea that the future can influence the present, and that the present can influence the past. We access these past memories, acknowledge them, validate and process the emotions, the pain and trauma our ‘little self’ endured. As we delve deeper, we reframe the outdated belief systems that our subconscious mind was conditioned with. This can create lasting, impactful changes in perspective for the ‘present self’.”

Transformative Journeys 

For wellness influencer Amrita Kaur Rana, inner child healing was a profound experience. Introduced to her during a retreat, expressing her thoughts through left-hand drawings surfaced unhealed memories. Guided by a shaman, Kaur Rana navigated intense emotions: "Dealing with memories, both blissful and negative, was empowering once I integrated them." Her self-esteem grew as she nurtured her inner child. Affirmations and self-celebration led to confidence and a sense of having reclaimed her life.

Suraj, who had experienced parental abandonment in his childhood, grappled with trust issues and a fear of intimacy. Inner child healing enabled him to confront his fear of abandonment and recognise its impact on his relationships. By learning to trust himself as well as others, he developed healthier bonds and found emotional security.

The complexities involved

While inner child healing holds potential for profound transformation, it isn't a panacea. Its effectiveness depends on one’s willingness to delve into uncomfortable emotions and the capacity to engage in self-practice for sustainable change. Mahindra raises concerns about the trendiness of well-being practices, cautioning against their allure that may overshadow the importance of self-practice. “The inauthentic usage of this work can lead to being misguided. The simple practice of yoga has been left behind and isn’t exciting for many people anymore. And while a part of me is impressed, there is also a part that is worried about those who seek intense transformative experiences and may not be integrating and inculcating self-practice. It is this very act of self-practice that allows for it to be sustainable and transformative in the long run.”

Both Tahilramani and Mahindra stress the need for a regulated nervous system to engage in this practice effectively. Acknowledging the nonlinear nature of healing, Tahilramani advises patience and compassion.  “I don’t recommend someone with a highly dysregulated nervous system to use this form of therapy initially. We don’t want to add more stress to an already overwhelmed nervous system. The first step with these cases would be to establish safety within the nervous system.”

Tahilramani further shares an important insight for those looking to embark on this inner journey. “Do not rush the healing process but be patient and compassionate with yourself. Healing is not a linear journey where you get from point A to B, it’s a spiral where you often revisit older wounds you thought you had processed on a deeper level. It often feels like taking two steps forward and one step backward. However, each step of the journey is a pilgrimage in itself. There is no destination—it is an inner exploration,” she concludes.

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