How can you get yourself to meditate when you can’t despite several attempts?

While meditation may seem challenging or intimidating for some, the legions of benefits make it worth multiple shots

“Take a deep breath” is one of the most common pieces of advice passed on as an instant coping mechanism the moment we experience even minor inconveniences. However, it is true that your breathwork makes for the very premise of meditation. Meditation can mean different things to different people—a ritual, a difficult-to-attain exercise, or a lifelong journey. Regardless of one’s subjective definition of meditation, as a practice, it has always been spotlighted as one of the best ways to relax, centre yourself, invite more balance in your life and experience tranquillity. Having said that, despite the many ways of practising meditation, a lot of people struggle with it. Whether it’s owing to how we’ve been trained to perpetually keep up with the frenzy of everyday life, we have reached a point where taking a pause or simply not having to check your cell phone every time it buzzes almost feels impossible. 

Besides the lifestyle-associated stress, a lot of people can find the basics of meditation tough to get to grips with. For some, keeping their eyes closed may feel like an insurmountable task while others may experience anxiousness or restlessness every time they have to deal with silence. We speak to meditation experts as well as people at different stages of their meditation journey to decipher the best ways to introduce oneself to meditation and keep at it. 

What makes meditation nuanced?

According to UK-based meditation coach Jimmy, who goes by That Meditation Guy (@that_meditation_guy) on Instagram, meditation is an umbrella term under which various techniques fall. “Meditation, by itself, doesn’t disclose any particular information; it can mean anything from sitting with your eyes closed and following your breath to paying attention to the sensation in your feet to some sort of visualisation too,” he says. Angie Tiwari, yoga and Ayurveda educator and founder of UNEARTHED believes that meditation is a way to train your mind in the same way that you train your body at the gym. “It’s a time for you to be with yourself, to sit with your thoughts—it’s something you can do at any time and anywhere. Mastering your mind and having the knowledge to regulate your emotions is an essential skill.”

“To be honest, most people would take really long to reach a technically-right meditative state when you’re able to focus on an area of concentration, whether it’s your breath, a mantra or any object even, for long enough,” says meditation coach Alisha Netalkar, who believes that the longer you focus, the longer you’re able to keep away from distracting thoughts, the quicker you’ll be able to commit to a state of composure. “I would describe it as the process of mud settling down to the surface—the more you let it be, the easier it settles down. And, the process of meditation begins only after the settlement has been achieved,” explains Netalkar, who thinks that the process of settling is like oscillating in and out of concentration. The process of settling in, which is more like a precursor to the actual state of meditation, can take anywhere from 15-20 minutes or more, varying from individual to individual. The concept of meditation, which requires consistent practice to develop a pattern, referred to as Samskara in Ayurveda, is easier in theory but can be difficult to practise. 

For the sake of holistic health

When you perform an act so deep and immersive, it is likely to result in more than one benefit for your tip-to-toe health in a holistic fashion. It’s hard to say how exactly a person would react to meditation depending on what and how they are doing, but the physical and mental health benefits of meditation are well-documented and established, opines Jimmy. “The kind of positive outcomes that people generally experience include better energy and creativity, a sense of relaxation and tranquillity, not being as reactive to emotional challenges and feeling more alive to enjoy the present life,” shares the meditation coach.

Stress release, reduced anxiety, feeling more present and positive, enhanced focus productivity and deeper gratitude for life are some of the surface-level benefits of meditation, according to Tiwari. “You’ll notice fewer aches and pains physically as your body releases tightness and tension. Spiritually, you’ll find more connection within yourself which then extends to all those around you. Both mentally and emotionally, you’ll be able to deal with situations better.” Netalkar highlights that the basic modus operandi of meditation demands slowing down. “You’ll feel more than just physically relaxed, your mind and senses will calm down too. You won’t feel jittery, your muscles will feel relaxed and your digestive system will also improve,” she says, throwing light on how meditation can also balance out your parasympathetic nervous system, which is part of your autonomic nervous system.

The in-real-life impacts

Actor, content creator and wellness enthusiast Ramona Arena started meditating at the age of 13. “I happened to chance upon spirituality through a medium. Religion with all its restrictions, divisions and constraints didn’t offer me solace—the liberal, all-embracing world of spirituality did,” she begins. “I think since I was little, I’ve been someone who feels things deeply, loves having deep conversations and deep intimacy, which I think, accumulates in connection. And meditation offered me much-needed peace, calm, quiet and that deep connection to something beautiful and real, beyond the madness of my everyday existence.”

For Neeti Mehra, writer and founder of Beej Living, the sense of self and connection that you feel after meditation is very healing. “Meditation helps you live in the moment, align yourself with something greater than you, whether you call it the source, common sense, God or your higher self. It helps you see things for what they are. Our life is coloured with our perceptions and our thinking—meditation gives you a different perspective,” believes Mehra. “I enjoy the moments of thoughtlessness, even if they are fleeting. Meditation opens you up to grace, to moments of serendipity, where you are at the right place and at the right time. But most of all, it brings you peace in a chaotic world that threatens to bury you under its hubris.”

Why do some people struggle with meditating?

If you think about it, meditation is one form of rejuvenation and revitalisation that involves the least amount of physical effort when compared to its (almost) counterparts such as in-gym workouts, pilates and yoga that are more mechanical in nature. Then, why do so many people find it challenging to get accustomed to meditation? “Because to sit still is the most difficult for most people,” responds Netalkar. “It’s a lot easier for us to do something because when we do something, we get results and that is rewarding. Sitting with yourself in silence also requires a lot of discipline.” According to Jimmy, many struggle with meditation since there is a lot to choose from. “There are many popular applications and a lot of YouTube videos to go through; people jump in and have a go at things but don’t have a coach to give them real-time feedback, so judging the results is difficult. They struggle to understand the roadmap of progress and if the technique [they are performing] is right for them.”

A common myth is that you should be thinking of nothing in order to meditate, mentions Tiwari, stating another usual roadblock for many. “Through the practice, you’ll begin to slow your busy mind and recognise that you don’t need to join in with the chitta vritti (mind chatter). You are not your thoughts. But in order to start, it’s very normal to notice your mind is really noisy and it’s crucial to know that this doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—keep going.” Concentration and focus can be the two biggest endeavours since we’re all functioning in auto-pilot mode most of the time. “You need to be disciplined to create a habit and stick with your practice to really notice the benefits.” Along the same lines, 24-year-old Aastha Khanna, who was always curious about meditation, admits that it takes some time to silence your thoughts, “but it’s just like any other skill that comes more easily with time; so now if I feel socially anxious before a gathering, I can just sit in a car with five people and shut my eyes for a minute to calm down with self-empowering affirmations.”

How can one get better at meditating? 

Netalkar, Jimmy and Tiwari agree that consulting with a meditation coach can prove to be very helpful as there is someone to guide you before, during and after [the meditation] to prepare, support and help you understand the effects of meditation respectively. “Meditation is abstract and the need for a coach becomes greater as you keep progressing as it can have an effect on your psyche if practised without some understanding—restlessness, change in patterns of sleep and dreaming, a feeling of disconnection are some vague yet significant effects,” says Netalkar. “But, if you feel like your current practice is helping you and making you feel better, you may not necessarily need a meditation coach.” Start small and build as you grow and focus on your breathwork, she advises. “You can simply rest your palm on your belly and sense your breathing to begin with. Journaling is a great place to start as well.”

“Understand that contrary to common beliefs, meditation isn’t always relaxing. It can be challenging to notice what’s on your mind and to observe the suffering, but this is part of it. In addition, a lot of the time people think they’re doing it wrong, and the perfectionism that lies within all of us stops us from continuing. Worry less about how long you meditate and more about finding a consistent practice. You could start with meditating three times a week for 10 minutes and then increase the frequency and duration from there,” suggests Tiwari.

“My advice would be to try different techniques and see what works for you. And just because you connect with one, doesn’t mean you're stuck with it for life. Allow yourself to grow,” says Arena. Mehra, meanwhile, starts with 10 minutes of japa (repeat a mantra quietly and count the repetitions with a 108-bead japamala held in the right hand), which helps quieten her mind, and then switches to transcendental meditation.

“But there is no one correct way to meditate,” affirms Tiwari. “You need to find what works best for you to help you discover a point of focus. You might notice you feel clearer when counting your breath, with your eyes closed, or you may find a greater sense of grounding and deepening with your eyes open and visualising instead. I think knowing there’s no one correct way to meditate can be extremely freeing and encourages you to be more explorative with your practice,” she concludes.

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