Is loneliness the next big epidemic?

Not many things are as threatening as smoking 15 cigarettes everyday; loneliness, however, is one of them. Here’s how you can deal with it 

Not many things can be as threatening to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes everyday; loneliness, however, is one of them. We’ve all struggled with feeling lonely at some point in our lives. Despite living in a time when we are perpetually connected with others, loneliness is much more ubiquitous than you think. So much so that the World Health Organisation (WHO) declared loneliness as a “global public health threat” in the last quarter of 2023. 

In 2021, a global survey by Ipsos revealed that 4 in 10 urban Indians, or 43 per cent of the population, said they felt lonely and friendless at most times. When almost half of a country like India, which thrives on the power of culture and community, is facing a loneliness crisis, it doesn’t come as a surprise that 61 per cent of the American population also shares the same feeling. If not manoeuvred consciously, loneliness can quickly escalate into a detrimental mental health concern. We ask psychologists what precarious loneliness feels like, and how one can get the better of it.

Why loneliness is different from solitude

Loneliness is a complex emotional state characterised by a feeling of emptiness, isolation, and disconnection from others, says Shaurya Gahlawat (@therapywithshaurya), a psychotherapist and psychologist. It’s important to decipher how loneliness differs from solitude and introvertness. “Loneliness is felt when there is a disparity between desired social connections and actual ones. It is an internal state where you are discontented with the isolation and seek social bonds. Introversion, or enjoying solitude, on the other hand, are features of one’s personality, where your threshold for social connections is low, to begin with. Introverts usually find spending time with themselves more rewarding than spending time with others (all the time),” explains Hansika Kapoor, a psychologist with Mumbai-based Monk Prayogshala. “Every one of us experiences loneliness in life. Solitude is a choice, while loneliness is not. Introverts may choose to spend time alone because it recharges their energy and allows them to pursue their interests. Solitude is a positive experience for introverts because it helps them restore their inner balance,” furthers Dr Poonam Poonia, Clinical Psychologist at Cloud Nine Hospital, Gurgaon. Simply put, the difference between “I’m a lone wolf” and “I’m down in the dumps” explains why loneliness is unlike solitude. 

When you hear the word ‘lonely’, it naturally paints a negative picture in your head. Why? “Humans are social beings and we thrive in connected environments; therefore, loneliness can be quite disabling, especially when one wants to build greater connections with others,” says Kapoor. Gahlawat furthers, “In my therapy sessions, clients frequently express deep-seated fears of being judged or rejected if they admit to feeling lonely. Many struggle with internalised beliefs that equate loneliness with personal failure or inadequacy, further intensifying their distress.”

How did we get here?

“In India, changing societal structures as well as urbanisation, modernisation, and augmented reliance on technology could contribute to increasing loneliness. Although social and community ties are important in our society, such changes may weaken traditional support systems, leading to feelings of isolation,” cites Kapoor. Humans are a social species; paradoxically, we are finding ourselves lonelier than ever before, especially in the world of social media.

“Social interactions may revolve around superficial exchanges or social media tags and parties rather than genuine emotional connection and support. This can leave individuals feeling disconnected, even in the midst of a bustling community,” agrees Gahlawat. While one can blame that on how social media applications like Instagram foster a culture of cursory exchanges (read: sharing posts), resulting in them superseding genuine conversations, there’s more to it than meets the eye. Restricting our capacity for social interaction to small talk in the real and reel world has left us unequipped to cultivate meaningful relationships, coaxing our mind into believing that that’s what conversations look like. When the mind then craves deeper interactions, we end up struggling.

According to data, 73 per cent of the people aged between 18 and 22 felt lonely in 2020 as compared to 69 per cent in 2019. Another study states that Gen Z is the loneliest generation to exist to date—those between the ages of 16 and 24 find themselves three times more lonely than those aged between 65 and 74. In hindsight, it is Gen Z that is most influenced by the west too. “The younger generation is moving extraordinarily fast under the pretext of technological advancement; the level of engagement with gadgets has increased so much that they don’t even acknowledge the presence of people around and focus on the virtual world instead. That, in a way, has led to people feeling no dependency on others around them,” says Poonia. Thanks to the rampant prevalence of capitalism and ‘show-off culture’ in India, people have bid adieu to work-life balance and have fully embraced materialism, which could further promote inadequacy and isolation, and thereby, loneliness.

How does loneliness impact our health?

“Loneliness has dire effects on one’s mental and physical health; it has been linked to an increased risk of depression and anxiety, a weakened immune system, as well as premature mortality,” says Kapoor. “If you recall from the COVID-19 pandemic where social distancing became the norm, several individuals were unable to cope with the loneliness that ensued.”

Sumiran Atal, a PR professional, found herself feeling lonely when she moved cities for her career. Talking about how it affected her, she shares, “Mentally, it tends to leave me alone with my thoughts; I go in a cycle of self-pity and self-doubt. It is extremely draining. Overthinking leads to crying endlessly and thinking about the worst possible things one could do to themselves to just end this vicious cycle. Often, I question whether it is anxiety which is causing this or merely the feeling of loneliness. Physically, at times I just wouldn’t have it in me to do the simplest of things—getting up from bed or eating a meal.” Devam More, an independent industrial designer, on the other hand, feels lonely due to the void of cheerleaders who are truly rooting for him, especially on days he’s achieved something. “It messes up rational thinking and even leads to overthinking. It kills creativity and activeness, which is key for someone like me whose job demands both equally. Laziness eventually leads to fatigue as well—both mental and physical.”

Explaining how the situation can spiral, Poonia says, “Loneliness can lead to various psychiatric disorders like depression, alcohol abuse, sleep problems, and personality disorders. It also leads to various physical disorders like diabetes, autoimmune disorders such as rheumatoid arthritis and lupus, and cardiovascular diseases like coronary heart disease, hypertension (HTN), obesity, physiological ageing, poor hearing, and poor overall well-being.” Through her practice, Gahlawat has noticed that her clients struggling with loneliness also experience physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and gastrointestinal problems, alongside psychological distress and emotional instability. “Feelings of isolation and social rejection can erode self-confidence and contribute to negative thought patterns, further exacerbating mental health challenges. Moreover, loneliness often coexists with other mental health issues, creating a vicious cycle of isolation and distress.”

Dealing with loneliness

It might be easy for your mind to interpret a few hours of not establishing digital contact as an empty vacuum, which is why training your brain appropriately is important. Irrespective of experiencing loneliness, you should inculcate in yourself the ability to enjoy your own company. Think of solo dates as an acknowledgement to your space, your ‘me time’, and not a penance. “It is important to recognise and be aware of times/places where one is prone to feeling lonely. Reaching out and connecting with others can do wonders for your mood, especially when you’re longing for human interaction. Having said that, learning to enjoy one’s own company is a skill that can be honed by nurturing a positive relationship with oneself,” suggests Kapoor.

Enumerating some coping strategies, Gahlawat recommends practices such as meditation and deep breathing exercises to  develop a greater sense of self-awareness and appreciation for the present moment. Setting aside time for self-reflection (with activities like journaling, creative expression, and quiet contemplation) can help you explore your thoughts, leading to greater self-understanding and self-acceptance. “Exploring your passions and identifying activities and interests that bring joy and fulfilment can create a sense of purpose and contentment.”

Setting boundaries with social media usage can have surprising benefits—you’re not always slipping into a state of FOMO by coming across pictures of people living their best lives, you’re not doom-scrolling, and you’re not continuously expecting a notification to pop up. Additionally, enrolling in activities that thrive on community-building can help seek real-time gratification. “Finding the balance between time with others and time with yourself is crucial,” concludes Kapoor.

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