Can you really control the unwanted thoughts that inundate your mind?

The act of controlling your mind, and the ability to modulate your thoughts, is posed as the ultimate answer to any mental roadblock. But how can you really do it? 

“Learn to control your mind” affirms every spiritual guru. You can spend a lifetime mastering the process that lies behind the phrase and still be poised to face failure. Control Your Mind And Master Your Feelings;How To Own Your Own Mind; How To Train Your Mind; and Winning The War In Your Mind are just some of the books based on this very premise. Despite the wisdom that does the rounds, to be able to triumph over the ebb and flow of a multitude of thoughts every day (approximately 70,000 in a single day and at least one per second) is a challenging internal battle that most people wouldn’t consciously consider fighting, owing to the mental discipline and resilience it involves. Nonetheless, the act of controlling your mind, and the ability to modulate your thoughts, is still posed as the ultimate answer to the many mental roadblocks we face from time to time. We ask three psychologists to break down the phrase for us, and if we can actually overpower our mind.

What does it mean to control your mind?

“To control your mind broadly refers to gaining mastery over one’s thought processes and emotions,” says Hansika Kapoor, psychologist at the research institution Monk Prayogshala. “It can also imply becoming self-aware of one’s choices and behaviours, understanding the links between thoughts, feelings and actions, and choosing differently when these three components are not in sync.” Along the same lines, Ruchi Ruuh, a psychologist and relationship counsellor, feels that this behavioural analysis also benefits the people around us, besides ourselves. “Controlling your mind is all about self-regulation and self-control. This entails emotional regulation, impulse control, ability to direct your focus/attention and control/delay gratification,” says the mental health expert. The assumption is that once one is able to control their mind they will also be able to regulate their emotions and thoughts better, improving their overall mental well-being, adds Kapoor. 

Psychotherapist and psychologist Shaurya Gahlawat, however, is worried that the term ‘control’ could coax one into building an intimidating—almost distorted—perception of the concept. “‘Control’ is a strong word. It can make a person feel that they need to do something drastic and feelings of rebellion can crop in.” Discerning this from the point of view of regulating your thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions may be more appropriate, she opines. “Regulating your thoughts refers to training your mind to feel in charge. It means being aware and conscious and intentionally thinking thoughts that are pleasant/neutral and not destructive or harmful. The aim is to feel healthy, holistically and achieve your goals with mental peace,” says Gahlawat, reiterating what Kapoor shared.

But, is it a thing of reality?

The idea of being able to be one step ahead of your mind (and the flow of thoughts) sounds like it belongs to someone who is highly proficient in their emotional quotient (EQ) and intelligence quotient (IQ). Then, can every individual embrace the idea of mastering their mind? Control sounds more forceful but regulation is definitely possible, opines Gahlawat. “While it’s important to understand that absolute control over everything may not be achievable, individuals can develop skills and strategies to control their minds, thoughts, emotions, and impulses. To learn these skills, you need to practise consistently and develop discipline and willpower,” says Ruuh.

Kapoor, on the other hand, feels that there are several tools and techniques one can use to be more mindful of the choices they make, as well as understand the implications of their choices. “A lot of models of psychotherapy (such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) focus on developing a better relationship with one’s thoughts, including negative ones,” explains Kapoor.

Rationalisation of hurtful thoughts helps a person regulate their feelings, while accepting that the human mind is wired to think helps a person to stop fearing their thoughts, says Gahlawat. However, overthinking can jeopardise your mental peace. “Your mind has one job and that is to think. If you can’t stop your heart from pumping blood or your intestines from digesting food, naturally preventing your mind from thinking what it needs to is hard or almost impossible. However, it is possible to regulate your thoughts with acceptance of your thoughts and then rationalisation,” says the psychologist.

Kapoor still believes that constraining yourself from overthinking is very much possible “through regular and consistent mindfulness and meditation.” She furthers, “It is also essential to understand where the motivation for overthinking comes from—for some, it may be thematic (overthinking about your next promotion at work or whether your partner is loyal to you); for others, it may be a generalised pattern to overthink about everything. Remember that being concerned about your life and circumstances is natural and normal—it’s a survival tool. However, being continually anxious can be counter-productive.”

How beneficial is it to be the master of your mind?

Learning to control one’s mind can have a positive impact on mental as well as physical health, says Ruuh. “Regulated emotions can help decision-making, improve focus, and increase productivity. It’s observed that people with regulated emotions have better relationships with the self and others, which means more satisfaction.” Gahlawat affirms that controlling one’s mind helps induce a sense of calm and balance which is key for personal growth. “To avoid excessive stress or distress anxiety and intense unpleasant emotions, it is important to work through your thoughts.” She touts neuroplasticity as an easy way to crack the code. “It means that we can train our mind for a certain way of doing things—which is also where ‘practice brings perfection’ comes from.”

Along the same lines, Kapoor states that greater awareness about one's cognition and emotions is beneficial for controlling stress, supporting mental health, improving existing relationships or forging new ones, and increasing concentration, among others. “With better self-awareness, it is likely that you can stick to one task at a time without intrusive thoughts, thereby enhancing your productivity.”

According to Ruuh, controlling the mind can positively affect one’s strength and energy levels. “Emotional dysregulation and experiencing negative thoughts is deeply linked to the body’s risk for a range of physical health outcomes like cardiovascular diseases, asthma, and hypertension. One needs to treat all faculties in a person—mind, soul, and body—as a part of one dynamic. If one suffers, others follow. Keeping your mind free of overthinking, negative thoughts and emotions helps one have more free space for creativity and development.”

How can you train your mind?

Knowing and believing that you have agency as an adult helps a person realise that irrespective of what life throws at them, they can take charge and manage the situation according to their values and goals, opines Gahlawat. “The first step to regulate and create a balance between your thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions is to take complete responsibility for your life. This may not be easy, but can be practised and inculcated with time and awareness.”

Kapoor shares some mechanisms that can help us embark on the journey to being the master of our minds. “I always recommend handling the ‘SEA’ in your life first—sleep, eating, and activity. Ensure that your patterns in these three areas are set to a routine to some extent and once you’ve achieved that, you can proceed to identify the triggers (people or situations) that set you up for overthinking. You can also set goals for yourself that are ‘SMART’—specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound and engage in mindful practices like deep breathing and meditation,” she explains.

Simple rituals like deep breathing, body scan meditation, relaxation techniques, physical exercise, following a healthy sleep-wake cycle, eating a balanced homemade diet, staying hydrated, and avoiding excessive alcohol/caffeine/nicotine can help, says Gahlawat. “Building a supportive network of family and friends, setting boundaries with the self and others when needed, and going to counselling or psychotherapy are some ways we can help our mind stay healthy, balanced, and calm,” she concludes.

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