“Equality is non-negotiable,” says filmmaker Onir

Having just released his memoir I am Onir & I am Gay the filmmaker—of movies like My Brother Nikhil and I Am—shares his thoughts on the state of affairs for the LGBTQIA community in India today

Remember how we walked

With our hands on the walls

Of Neruda's Macchu Picchu,

Listening to the voices

Silenced centuries ago

I miss those voices

That spoke to me,

As I felt your wet lips,

On the cigarette butt.

Recently, when the Indian Army rejected the script for my upcoming film We Are,inwhich the protagonist was a gay soldier, it made me wonder, “As a soceity, have we really progressed or regressed?” Things have definitely gone from bad to worse. All my films have bits and pieces of me in them and nearly all of them, starting with my debut My Brother Nikhil (2005) to I Am (2010) and Shab (2017), have tried to bring the LGBTQIA cause to the mainstream. Yet, the bitter irony is that these movies were made when Section 377 was still in place and homosexuality was criminalised by the Indian law. I don't know if I could have made My Brother Nikhil today. Given the kind of censorship and moral policing these days, I am certain I Am wouldn't even be nominated for a National Award, let alone receiving it. This undoubtedly showcases the faults and flaws that continue to plague both our society and politics.

Section 377 has been removed since September 2018, but that doesn't mean the battle is over. We still need to legalise same-sex marriage in India, and extend adoption rights to gay couples who want to get married and raise a family. On the one hand, we seem to be taking a step forward, but on the other, we are taking two steps backwards by not converting the Supreme Court verdict into practice in every sphere of life. I belong to a very privileged queer minority living in a metropolis like Mumbai where public opinion and cultural attitude is gradually changing. But what about those living in much more conversative families and social units across smaller towns? People mock gays and lesbians even now. You risk attracting sniggerring remarks and unwelcome comments if you are dressed in a certain way or if you are holding hands or showing any kind of affection to your partner who belongs to the same gender.

Reclaiming our empowering history

Hinduism has a long and established tradition of gender neutrality and androgyny. In the Mahabharata, Shikhandi is a warrior who's born female but later becomes male. Lord Ayyappan is born from the holy union of gods Vishnu and Shiva.We also have the concept of Ardhanarishvara, a composite male-female form of Lord Shiva with Parvati. Much of north-east India, where I come from (I was born in Thimphu, Bhutan and have lived in Kolkata), practises the matrilineal system. We bow before the goddesses Durga and Kali. 'Women empowerment', for us, should have ideally been a given. Yet, despite such a rich lineage of equality and inclusion, we treat trans people and women with indignity. Hinduism mandates that marriage is the coming together of two souls but when we wish to get married, most right-wing political outfits claim it is anti-Hindu. We have a very empowering history, which Brahmanical and patriarchal mindsets want to snatch away from us. It's time to reclaim that history.

There are too many ugly and loud voices who constantly manipulate history to their own advantage and try to control, suppress and repress voices from the minority. Instead, we should reach back into our history and change what needs to be changed with time. It would be a lie to say that things are not moving on the ground. The scrapping of Section 377 was a huge step in recognising the LGBTQIA identity in the country. The judicial judgement by the former Chief Justice of India Indu Malhotra's ‘History owes an apology to the LGBT community and their kin’ statement was a milestone. The repercussions of the striking down of this colonial-era law can be felt in the realities of day-to-day life. At some workplaces today, you will see inclusion as part of their strategy. If you are discriminated against, you can take legal action. Such changes reflect that the law is indeed working. I also feel that there's a huge confusion among people who think LGBTQIA is equal to transgender. That's not true. There are different shades of queer identity and all are equally important.

Those who identify as heterosexual have other misplaced notions about us, too. Let's take 'desire,' for example. The heteronormative world thinks that for homosexuals, it's all about sex. The fact is that we look at desire differently than them. We celebrate desire without the constraints of what the male-dominated, patriarchal society defines as ‘normal’. Human beings are essentially non-monogamous but the straight world wants to live with this hypocrisy. We all have similar desires but it's just that we claim our desire much more openly while they are discreet about it.

No question mark, no question asked

I have always been proud of being gay and being who I am. In my memoir, I am Onir & I am Gay [co-written with Onir’s sister Irene Dhar Malik], I have spoken candidly about my love life. From my first crush in Kolkata in 1984 to the most important relationship in my life with a man to whom I have made love in different cities of the world and because of whom I started writing poetry, I can truly say now that my life has been an open book. The memoir has been in the making for over six years. Though it may sound like I am retiring, the reason why I wanted to publish this book was because while growing up, I had no references or gay models, so to speak. Today, young people grow up reading about the gay life in newspapers and magazines. Instagram has Reel videos featuring same-sex videos.

Through my book, I wanted people to know about my journey, especially to tell younger readers about dealing with their lives and sexuaility. My agent kept telling me that my words would perhaps give courage to young kids to be proud of their identity and to help them negotiate with life and make them understand that everything is not as sad or dark as portrayed in the media. One can still be happy and be at peace with one’s identity. In the book, I have avoided mentioning the real names of my various lovers because of reasons of privacy, though there's been no effort to disguise my true feelings and emotions. When I decided to write about myself I knew it would not be camouflaged because that would defeat the purpose of my life's journey. I thought I should be open about everything, including accepting that there were times when I had made mistakes. I am a man with my own set of flaws and imperfections. That's me, just like everyone else.

My family has always known about my sexual orientation. There was never any 'coming out.' Nobody ever had a question mark or remarks such as, “Oh my god, what will happen now?” It was in Mumbai and previously in Berlin, to an extent, that I found my sexual identity. While I am grateful to this city, living here is far from ideal. We still have a long way to go.

My utopia would be one in which I wouldn't have to write this book, where I would be able to travel with my lover without fear of persecution, where I won't have to hold his hands under blankets at airports, where one does not have to hide one's love, desire or identity from anyone or anywhere. It's not just about sexuality but also about religion, caste and class. I shudder to think what we are doing to our nation by creating more and more divisions where people are made to feel lesser human beings. My voice for human rights is not a barter. I begin my book by saying, “Equality is non-negotiable”. I will continue to crusade for the marginalised, for outsiders and for those on the fringes.

(As told to Shaikh Ayaz)

Also Read: The lonely world of aging gay men

Also Read: How queer representation in Indian cinema is going beyond the coming-out narrative

Also Read: Is Bollywood really inclusive in their trans representation?