Why do we end up hating the clothes we buy?

How do we end up with a wardrobe full of clothes that we hate? We ask the experts to find out more 

How often do you stand in front of your overflowing closet and declare that you have nothing to wear? The idea of who you want to be or what you want to look like versus who you are is a constant game of tug of war which becomes evident when you stare at your wardrobe and realise that you hate everything in there. While your clothes tend to be an outward projection of your personality, many times, having a wardrobe full of ‘versatile pieces’ meant to make it easier to get dressed, can feel frustrating and uninspiring. But why is it that the clothes we once loved and spent a considerable amount of money on leave us helpless and unimpressed? We speak to the experts to find out.

The underlying issue

Firstly, you’re not alone in feeling underwhelmed by the clothes in your closet. In an essay titled The Dread Of Getting Dressed, published by The New Yorker, writer Katy Waldman wrote about the burden of using clothes as a vehicle for self-expression and how the COVID-19 pandemic made it worse with a closet swamped with anxieties that have piled up for months. “My apprehension has to do, in part, with again needing to wonder whether the material on my body is too tight or loose or busy, or whether it’s the wrong cut for my build or a bad color for my complexion,” she wrote.

While a lot of us have massively packed closets, when it comes to getting dressed, going out and meeting people, subconsciously there could be a negative emotion that seeps into us when we try to get dressed, which clinical psychologist Rahat Lookmanji points out. “The reason behind this is that we don’t feel 100 per cent confident in ourselves. Very often when we are getting dressed to go out, nothing seems to fit right or make us feel attractive. It can make us feel very under confident in that moment which can hugely impact how we view our clothes. So when our clothes don’t feel like an armour of confidence, we tend to get anxious and nervous about going out or meeting that person,” says Lookmanji, founder of  The Empathy Centre—an online therapy platform.

Scrolling through new collections every other week on your favourite clothing app isn’t of much help either as it leads to impulse buying of clothes that might be trendy at the moment but might not be attuned to your personality in the long run. Divija Bhasin, a mental health professional who calls herself “awkward goat” on Instagram, lists down a few reasons why we end up with a wardrobe we dislike. “You could be buying clothes because you saw the style of other people but when you actually wore it, you realised they don’t flatter your body type. You buy from an aspirational weight point of view and think ‘let me buy a smaller size, I’ll lose weight and then wear it’,” she points out. “Another reason could also be that you have too many clothes and having to decide each morning leads to decision fatigue resulting in a negative association with your clothes,” says Bhasin, who gives advice and makes therapy accessible to more than 163,000 followers she has on Instagram. Poor body image and unrealistic expectations from yourself can lead to anxiety every time you try to get dressed.

Intentional buying

Every now and then, as much as it is important to access your wardrobe, it’s equally vital to check in with your emotional state and how you’re feeling about your body, your life and the influences you surround yourself with. While your clothes can change how you are feeling, the issue here is not how the clothes look, but how they make you feel. Which is why, when it comes to buying clothes, Lookmanji insists on the importance of loving every single piece of clothing you pick up, especially from a physical clothing store. “When you’re in a shop and trying something out, you need to absolutely love that piece of you. You have to be happy with it, not just 80 per cent happy, because otherwise it will sit in your closet for ages, thinking one day it will look good on you. Instead, buy something that you’re 100 per cent in love with, and which you know you’re likely to wear often,” she says. 

When shopping online, Bhasin advises to keep the items in your cart for a day or two so that you know you’re not impulse shopping. “Also, try to imagine three to four situations where you would actually wear the outfits before buying them. Use your current wardrobe as inspiration to see what type of clothes you often repeat and feel the best in. Buy more of that kind. Remember that clothes need to fit you, you don’t need to fit the clothes. Buy a bigger size if it fits better. Don’t make yourself feel uncomfortable because of a number,” says Bhasin.

Love yourself before loving your clothes

Buying a new wardrobe won’t change the way you feel about yourself unless you look at yourself in the mirror and figure out what's upsetting you. While purging your closet off the things you haven’t worn for a long time can feel like internal cleansing of sorts, having a manageable number of clothes can help make dressing up less overwhelming. Playing dress-up with yourself can help you figure out different ways to style that pop-coloured shirt tucked in the corner or your closet or mixing and matching your kurtas with different dupattas from your collection. “Try to decide on outfits in advance so you can just pick it up and wear it instead of having to make a decision each time. It’s okay if you don’t look ‘perfect’ in a particular outfit—you can’t look perfect all the time,” says Bhasin.

Another way to keep your wardrobe from expanding is to donate something every time you purchase something new. “Give away the clothes that don’t fit you so your wardrobe makes you feel good about your body,” says Bhasin. Lookmanji agrees. “When it comes to loving your clothes, toss those clothes out that are occupying space in your closet and your mind. It’s not going to give you any joy just sitting there in your closet, but it might make someone else happy,” she concludes. 

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