Is imitation really the sincerest form of flattery?

We get to the bottom of the age-old adage that has both united and divided women for a long time now

Have you ever bought something from a brand because it had the words ‘exclusive,’ ‘limited edition’ or ‘no two pieces are exactly alike’ attached to it? If yes, like me, you’ve fallen prey to a tactic that capitalises on a need so many women have–we don’t want to dress exactly like each other. Let’s take a moment to discuss a dilemma we’ve all faced: A friend or acquaintance buys something shortly after they’ve seen it on you and when you recount the annoying incident to someone, they try to placate you with the saying ‘imitation is the sincerest form of flattery’. My reaction to this is always the same–is it really though? No matter how many times this piece of advice is given to me, it just doesn’t feel quite right and I wanted to get to the bottom of it. We reached out to mental health experts as well as those whose careers often involve their choices being imitated, and asked them to weigh in on issues ranging from why we’re irked when someone steals our style to the scenarios in which we should be willing to let it slide.

The case against copying

Before you decide to label the emotions that crop up when someone copies you as ‘petty’ or ‘silly,’ it’s important to understand what causes them. The irritation, explains mental health professional Nishtha Bhatt, arises because it may feel like our personality, more than just a piece of clothing, is being plagiarised. “When we style ourselves, we’re often communicating parts of ourselves we want people to see. So when that is copied, it’s uncomfortable because it could seem like a part of one’s identity or personality is being taken away. Style can be very personal to a lot of people,” says Bhatt.

According to counselor and writer Beverly Noronha, it could also dilute one’s individuality and the effort involved in expressing it. “If someone wears the same thing as us, it might make our choices feel common or drab. A fashion statement, which had a lot of thought and excitement involved, could seem shockingly normal if everyone around us is doing the same,” adds Noronha. And these feelings, today, are further amplified because our sartorial choices are not only visible to a close-knit circle of friends but also to our social media followers. “One can feel a loss of uniqueness if someone walks in with the same outfit or accessory at a party. However, the fact that hundreds of people might see this intensifies existing fears and makes one feel more anxious,” says psychologist and counselor Malini Krishnan.

The age of influencers

But are these insights also applicable to influencers whose success is often measured by the number of people willing to copy them? Or do they experience imitation differently? “When there is a large number of followers involved, copying may not necessarily lead to unhappiness. Rather, the person may experience an enhanced sense of self,” says Bhatt. Nikita Madhani, who has amassed over half a million followers on Instagram, is of a similar opinion. “As an influencer, I share my style picks almost every other day. I feel when someone copies them, they are inspired and see you as a role model,” she says.

Another distinguishing factor is the awareness that accompanies an influencer’s actions. While the average person may not get ready every day expecting their attire to be replicated, someone in the public eye is acutely aware that the content they share is shaping the minds and wardrobes of their many followers. “I’m in this space to influence the women who follow me. If they don’t copy me, why am I even doing this? Additionally, it’s about helping people and giving them access to things that they otherwise wouldn’t have had,” says fashion and lifestyle influencer Khushnaz Ashdin Turner.

The gender divide

It’s also interesting to see how this problem plagues one gender more than the other. If famous women are, even accidentally, spotted twinning, it’s brought to our attention almost instantly. Female public figures have long been lauded for owning such incidents with grace in real life and fiction. Remember how Sex and The City 2 (2010) had a scene where Samantha Jones (played by Kim Cattrall) and Miley Cyrus show up in the same sequined outfit at a red-carpet premier?

This, however, is not the case with men. You’ll rarely see headlines highlighting how two male celebrities handled a similar scenario splendidly because we don’t exactly expect them to do otherwise. This is not to say that men are indifferent to imitation. There’s just less stigma attached to such a situation for them. “A group of men might all be wearing the same black suit and nobody would bat an eyelid. Society doesn't put as much pressure on men to use fashion as a creative statement. Fashion has a very gendered context and for a long time, mostly women were shown as taking part in it,” says Noronha.

The exceptions

Once you know what fuels the awkwardness or embarrassment around imitation, it’s also helpful to learn what reduces the intensity of such feelings. In many other areas, we seek permission before we use something that’s clearly someone’s signature and the same strategy is effective here too. “It’s okay to take inspiration from someone whose aesthetic you admire but, in some cases, I think it helps if consent is involved. There’s a difference between someone coming up to you, complimenting you on your taste, and saying, “Oh where did you get this, do you mind if I buy it as well?” rather than them showing up one day in the exact same outfit or carrying the same bag. Consent, obviously, makes it a mutual decision,” explains writer and travel blogger Chandni Sehgal.

In the absence of approval, it might also be a good idea to evaluate whether the copying is conscious, especially when it comes to close friends and colleagues who are exposed to the same labels and sources of inspiration. But, there’s also another more scientific reason which explains why copying isn’t always a calculated decision. “We often pick up the mannerisms of people we are closely connected with, or those who we admire. Through admiration or connection, we might unconsciously mimic their actions, style elements or behaviours. We also have mirror neurons which definitely play a role in helping us pick up such nuances,” says Noronha.

Calling out a copycat

However, if none of the above exceptions are involved and what you have at hand is someone whose wardrobe is slowly but steadily mirroring yours, there’s an indirect yet impactful approach that can be employed. “With an acquaintance, I would try and facilitate a conversation about what they appreciate about my style and maybe help them explore something unique about themselves,” says Bhatt. But for those who are particularly brave and comfortable with confrontation, putting clear boundaries in place might be beneficial. “If it becomes repetitive or overwhelming, having a one-on-one chat with the person can help. Talking about the similarity in style and finding out more about what made them pick this up can offer perspective, reduce anxiety, break the ice, and help you feel less stressed,” concludes Krishnan.

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