What not to say to someone going through a panic attack, according to therapists

Mental health experts share a handy blueprint of what to say when you don’t know what to say

“A brief, intense rush of fear” is the scientifically accurate, if somewhat detached, definition afforded to a panic attack by medical research. However, what this concise sentence fails to capture is the magnitude of what it feels like to live through one—and the sobering knowledge that it can trigger a potent combination of physical as well as mental symptoms. The heart starts racing, there’s a splitting pain in the chest, the breath starts trembling in shaky spurts and the physical sense of paralysis seems to extend to the brain as well. Most people who have lived through one recall the feeling of having lost control of their bodies with an unexplained, yet crippling, sense of impending doom.

While a panic attack can sometimes be triggered by a specific event or occurrence, for those living with a disorder, it can be hard to predict when one might strike. It could happen while driving, waiting in the ticket queue at the movies or even when asleep. You might find that your natural instinct to help is hampered by not knowing the right thing to say, but the road to being there for someone starts with knowing how to avoid the wrong statements. Therapists and licensed mental health professionals share a list of helpful measures that you’ll want in your toolbox to ease the path for someone going through an episode.

How to recognise someone going through a panic attack

The first step to recovery begins with knowing the symptoms so you can recognise a panic attack and be there for someone if they are not in a position to reach out for help. Riea Enok, therapist at online counselling platform The Mood Space elaborates that while such attacks are common, they can be experienced differently by everyone. “Most people going through a panic attack feel like they have lost control of the situation and there is no way out, making them literally trapped in their own fear,” she says. Common symptoms include a sudden surge of fear and discomfort, an inability to breathe, dizziness and intense pounding in the chest with an immense amount of sweating or nausea. “While the experience is intense, a panic attack usually does not last very long—on an average, it can occur for 5-20 minutes,” she adds.

What not to say to someone going through a panic attack

It is important to acknowledge the impact that words can have on someone going through a panic attack, believes therapist Yesha Mehta. “Statements that invalidate or demean someone going through the experience can make them feel helpless and misunderstood, thereby making them repress their emotions or become fearful of seeking help. Since panic attacks can occur anywhere, lack of adequate assurance can make someone avoid social situations where they feel judged or unaccepted,” she explains. If you are looking to be there for someone in a positive way, here’s a helpful list to follow:

Instead of: “Just calm down.”

Say this: “You’re going to be okay.”

Instead of: “You are overreacting.”

Say this: “I am here to support you.”

Instead of: “You are making a scene.”

Say this: “You are not alone.”

Instead of: “Everybody gets anxious sometimes, it is normal."

Say this: “How can I help you navigate this?”

Instead of: “Stop worrying and just think positive.”

Say this: “I hear how helpless / numb / out of control you feel.”

How to help someone facing a panic attack

Though panic attacks are a psychological problem, they can feel as real as physical issues, such as a heart attack, says Dr Neha Smita Lal, consultant psychiatrist at Jain Multispecialty Hospital, Mumbai. “In fact, it is often possible for someone to mistakenly assume that they are having a heart attack and feel like they are losing their life. In such situations, empty platitudes like ‘just calm down’ can undermine the gravity of the problem. Instead, try taking the person to a calm place with fresh air or a place with calming, peaceful scenery, such as a beach. Helping them come out of the situation mentally will gradually help the body calm down as well,” she advises.

It is also essential to validate someone’s feelings while they are going through a panic-induced episode, believes Mehta. “Try to be by their side and ask them how they would like to be supported. It is important for you to validate how they are feeling in a non-judgemental way. You can also use simple techniques, such as asking them to listen to soothing music or to touch something comforting around them. Another helpful measure is to hold a cube of ice or rub it on the wrist as it helps the person ground themselves and come back to the present,” she concludes.

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