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Delaying pregnancy—whether it is owing to your career, a bad relationship, lack of a relationship, or just because some women would want to—should not be something they are punished for. Image: Pexels
While freezing one’s eggs is a matter of choice, it is also a privilege most often denied to women
A woman’s ability to conceive doesn’t really lie in her hands. Both biology and time can work against her, and if she is undecided or unsure about having a child, or even ends up changing her mind, it might be too late.
Women are born with a finite number of eggs–six million at the foetal stage that reduces to one million when they’re born, eventually dwindling down to a big fat zero as they approach menopause, according to Cleveland Clinic. While some feel the need to have children organically and hence plan for it, some do not. Some may not have a problem conceiving but some might. Although science has made several strides in this direction, there isn’t much to be done, except freezing your eggs, or oocyte preservation. It is akin to an insurance policy that many are opting for, but few talk about.
Deepica Mutyala, entrepreneur and founder of beauty brand Live Tinted, documented her process as a South Asian woman in the US choosing to freeze her eggs at the age of 31 on Youtube, two years ago. Besides the candid, honest portrayal of the process , it’s the comments on her videos that leap out. Her followers felt empowered to consider the option for themselves, and to be courageous enough to confront conservative mindsets of their families and peers too.
While it is not a woman’s biological imperative to bear children, some want the option available to them, and there is nothing wrong with that. Delaying pregnancy—whether it is owing to your career, a bad relationship, lack of a relationship, or just because some women would want to—should not be something they are punished for. Some women feel incredibly sure they don’t want children—and that’s a valid choice, albeit disrespected. For those who are sure about not having children, but may still have the slightest doubt, egg freezing is an option for them too.
The optimum age to freeze your eggs is in your late twenties and early thirties. The quality of your eggs decline with age, reducing the chances of pregnancy drastically, while also increasing the risks associated with it. That is not to say freezing your eggs a decade after the optimum age is impossible.
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Deepica Mutyala, entrepreneur and founder of beauty brand Live Tinted, documented her process as a South Asian woman in the US choosing to freeze her eggs at the age of 31 on Youtube, two years ago
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"The challenge here lies in the assumption that a 28- or 30-year-old woman is expected to be clear about what she wants from her life," says Mutyala. Image: Pexels
Freezing your eggs also is no guarantee that you will conceive. Of the 15-20 eggs you can freeze, the viability of a pregnancy depends on the quality of the egg as well as many other factors that are not in our control. For example the Mayo Clinic states that up to 20 per cent of pregnancies result in miscarriage. Oocyte preservation is a short enough process (a month-long one), and can be expensive–although it is becoming more accessible in India with time–and does take a short-term toll on a woman’s body. Pumping yourself with hormones to produce a large amount and optimum quality of eggs can be physically and mentally challenging. But is it worth giving women the choice? The answer will always be a resounding yes.
We speak to Mutyala to understand what it took to consider, choose, and go through the mental and physical strain of oocyte preservation.
What state of mind were you in when you decided to take the step to freeze your eggs?
It was a task I needed to get done. I was about to kick off raising the seed round of funding for my business then. But I didn’t ever want to look back and think that my professional commitments stopped me from doing something that I one day wanted to, which was to have children.
You mentioned how a previous relationship felt emotionally abusive and led you to consider your options. A lot of women have been accused of being ‘bad mothers’ at the cost of their careers—what advice would you have for them? What made you consider freezing your eggs?
Yes, a former boyfriend did tell me that he didn't think I’d be a good mother. I thought to myself that even if I was focussing on my career then, I would be an incredible mother when the time seemed right. That was very emotional for me.
“THE FIRST FEW [HORMONE] SHOTS WERE VERY SCARY. I WAS AFRAID TO INJECT MYSELF, SO I HAD A FRIEND (A DOCTOR) DO IT FOR ME, AND I AM GRATEFUL I HAD THAT SUPPORT SYSTEM”
Deepica Mutyala
When I actually did freeze my eggs, it was very much a task I needed to get done. But in the run-up to it, when I turned 30, I realised I had achieved several professional goals but had completely neglected my personal life. I had this moment where I had to remind myself that I shouldn’t look back with even a tinge of regret.
My advice to other women is that everyone is on their own journey, and my journey is not to be compared to other women’s journeys. I chose to freeze my eggs, but there are so many other alternatives too, like surrogacy, adoption, or not having kids at all. I want to have children one day, but there are women who choose not to, and they are equally incredible. I feel we don’t allow women to make those decisions.
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"I didn’t ever want to look back and think that my professional commitments stopped me from doing something that I one day wanted to, which was to have children," says Mutyala. Image: Instagram.com/deepica
How easy or difficult was it to have this conversation with your parents, since most South Asian mindsets tend to be conservative around this aspect?
At this point, my parents are accustomed to the idea of me doing things that might be unconventional to them. I did document myself sharing the news with them on my YouTube channel, and they didn’t understand it. Honestly, I wasn’t too surprised. They come from a background and time when freezing one’s eggs was just not something people did. My parents don't expect me to do things conventionally but they were open to listening, understanding, asking questions and, ultimately, supporting me.
Women are constantly fighting multiple invisible battles —and then to willingly pump yourself with hormones that take a toll on your mental state is not easy. What made you determined to get through?
What really got me through was the fact that I knew I wanted to have kids one day. As women, we are so strong, and while it is thought that we are built for having children, it doesn't mean it isn’t hard to get through it.
About the hormone shots–I was lucky enough to have a team at work that was so patient and understanding of what I was experiencing, but I was also going through fundraising with my company. The emotional rollercoaster was real; I think women are so strong, we can get through anything. That’s what helped deal with it.
Those struggling in such situations are advised to create a toolkit–a compendium of multiple actions, resources or friends to draw from. When undergoing such a drastic mental and physical transformation of extracting the eggs and freezing them, would you advise having a toolkit? If so, could you share some of the comforting and supportive things you might include in it?
The toolkit idea is very smart! The first few [hormone] shots were very scary. I was afraid to inject myself, so I had a friend (a doctor) do it for me, and I am grateful I had that support system. I also had my boyfriend, and a supportive family. However, not everyone may be as fortunate and I totally acknowledge that. It also doesn't mean that a woman is not strong enough to get through this process on her own, because she is. I hope sharing my journey online, and this interview, makes women realise that they can do it too.
“A FORMER BOYFRIEND DID TELL ME THAT HE DIDN'T THINK I’D BE A GOOD MOTHER. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THAT EVEN IF I WAS FOCUSSING ON MY CAREER THEN, I WOULD BE AN INCREDIBLE MOTHER WHEN THE TIME SEEMED RIGHT. THAT WAS VERY EMOTIONAL FOR ME”
Deepica Mutyala
The challenge here lies in the assumption that a 28- or 30-year-old woman is expected to be clear about what she wants from her life. The last couple of years have taught us about the unpredictability of not just circumstances, but also our own selves. We are constantly evolving and maturing; we are prolonging or bringing forward key experiences in our lives, and, in doing so, questioning what we want from life, even if we are in our 40s. You may not want kids now, or even at all, but is there even a miniscule chance, however transitory, that you might later? Science, in its limiting way, is offering a glimmer, and if you have the ability and means, you should grab it–not because you are expected to bear children but because you have a choice.
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