Is sex appeal a necessity to be a chef?

The recent hit TV series ‘The Bear’ has raised a pertinent question: Do you have to look hot to work in a restaurant kitchen?

If you've witnessed a chef take charge in the kitchen of a restaurant, you'd agree something is reassuring about watching them control the environment with words of encouragement, observing how they deftly plate a dish with the precision of a watch-maker, and gesturing to their colleagues for a job well done. You'd also agree that a chef’s hands handling food is like watching a hand caressing the skin. Sometimes it’s soft, gentle, and grazing—just enough to stimulate the senses. Sometimes it’s aggressive, demanding, and in complete control. Together, those hands fold in ingredients, drizzle juices, pinch spices, and with these incredibly—and distinctly unique—ingredients, they create magic. 

This visual of the chef has been dominating our mobile screens for the past year as Jeremy Allen White's character Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto in The Bear has shot up in the popularity stakes for being gritty, passionate, and rooted. In the TV series, Carmen comes home because his brother has passed away. He inherits the family's sandwich shop, a very sort of blue-collar, beloved, greasy spoon spot. The show centres around him and the relationships he fosters with those who work there.

The Bear may be a fictional description of the type of foul-mouthed turmoil that occurs in kitchens large and small globally, but the show provides more realism than any reality cooking competition—something we didn’t realise  we needed. We’ve found a new sex symbol in Carmen, who, with his white T-shirt, tousled hair, boyish good looks—and of course, his talent and passion—has managed to charm viewers. 

What's cooking?

The 'sexy chef' trope isn't a new one. In fact, there have been many culinary maestros lauded for their skills in the kitchen as well as their disarming good looks. We've had Curtis Stone, the late Anthony Bourdain, and more recently, Queer Eye's Antoni Porowski and even Instagram cooks like Franco Noriega, who heads Manhattan's Peruvian chicken joint Baby Brasa. 

Bela Gandhi, host ofThe Smart Dating Academy podcast, believes anyone working with their hands has always been a hot ticket. In her podcast, she says: “A guy who can take care of himself and can cook is very appealing to women. It can feel really intimate and erotic when you’re watching someone massage ground beef, pound chicken—there’s very much this sexual energy that can be connoted through cheffing in the kitchen."

Manisha (name changed), who is in her final year of culinary school in Bengaluru, concurs. The young hopeful says she's surrounded by men and women who command respect for their skills in the kitchen, but it does help if they are good-looking. "I have tried to make advances on chefs who are closer in age to me but hesitate when things get heated because it could get me expelled," she says, adding: "There's something about a high-pressure, fast-paced environment that stirs up sexual energy. And as far as chefs go, it's the hypermasculinity and authority they have in their space that appeals to me."

Daddy issues?

Counsellor and psychologist Viraj Mehta believes a common factor links a chef kink with a daddy kink: they revolve around a powerful, authoritative man to whom most individuals would joyfully surrender sexually. "The chef kink takes daddy [kink] a step further, leaning towards a more aggressive, hard-edged male energy while retaining some of the original daddy vibes," he says. 

Mehta also believes that those who enjoy the thrill of power play and are drawn to a dominating male persona find chefs appealing. "Plus, there's something reassuring about a guy who can cook. The 'you're in safe hands, I can take care of you' energy they exude is also associated with the daddy kink. Given that most Indian women find themselves relegated to the kitchen, a visual of a man in charge of their domain is refreshing," he says.

The new chef

Prateek Bakhtiani, head chef at Ether Atelier Chocolat in Mumbai, says while it's always been about the food, there's no harm in leveraging one's good looks, especially in the age of social media that is so visually driven. "While we'd like to believe it's the food that keeps patrons coming back for more, other factors determine the success of a chef or his/her restaurant. You need to have a solid marketing plan and a social media game. When I started making videos and Reels for my Instagram page, I found that people responded positively to my content. I enjoy the process and I am comfortable in front of the camera," he says, adding: "What's not to like about an attractive chef?"

A publicist and marketing professional, who requested to be quoted anonymously, feels a chef's culinary prowess is the only thing that matters. The aesthetics and Instagrammable interiors surely bring the crowds in, but ultimately, it's the food that keeps people coming back for more. "Chefs like Sanjeev Kapoor, Rahul Akerkar, and Manu Chandra are known for the food they put out first. It helps that they have wonderful personalities, too, because patrons like it when a chef comes out [to diners’ tables] and takes them through a dish. That personal touch will always be sexy," she says.

The inner workings

While it is easy to sexualise the chaos in a kitchen and romanticise a stressed-out chef, the reality is quite different. Kimberly Thomas, a pastry chef who recently completed a one-year stint in Hyderabad, says it's never a good idea to date a chef, especially if that person is your boss. The 28-year-old dated her reporting manager for a year and found the power dynamic in the kitchen quite toxic. "The dom/sub kink that I fed into didn't work out for me in the end. Not only did we get into arguments constantly over creative differences, he'd push for make-up sex at the workplace as an apology. In the end, it was unbearable," she says.

However, Thomas has enjoyed binge-watching The Bear because it hit home. "You can learn the technicalities of being a chef anywhere, but it is the passion that ensures you become successful. Carmen embodies that passion. And, for me, watching a man being passionate about his craft is a major turn on," she says. 

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