Here’s how to split wedding costs—for richer, for poorer

We put together an expert-approved guide for drafting the wedding day of your dreams without breaking the bank

The ‘big fat Indian wedding’ has been through something of a renaissance in recent times and doesn’t necessarily prescribe to those adjectives anymore. While some couples are swapping stuffy ceremonies in favour of elopements that can offer a ‘just us’ experience, others are assuming greater financial responsibility so that they can create a day that is truly individualised for them. 

The credit for the latter lies in the fact that more and more couples are now choosing to get married at a later stage in their lives after achieving sufficient financial independence. Devanshi Patel, founder of Shreem Events that holds credit for cricketer Hardik Pandya’s dreamy lakeside nuptials, has observed that this independence has empowered couples to take charge of the wedding planning process rather than allowing their parents’ choices to take precedence. “In the past, parents would often make decisions on behalf of their children but by shouldering the financial responsibility, couples can make decisions based on their own preferences rather than being influenced by public opinion or family pressure. This shift reflects a growing trend where couples are taking ownership and making choices that align with their individual desires and aspirations,” she explains. 

Differing preferences

The notion finds further heft with Ankita Brahmaroutu, a resident neurology physician at University of Pennsylvania, who recently tied the knot at the iconic Taj Falaknuma Palace in Hyderabad. During the process of planning her wedding, she found that communicating her expectations to her soldier-turned-investment-banker husband, Lee Summerlin, was of utmost importance. “The process behind financial planning starts the minute the engagement ring hits your finger,” she says, adding, “My husband is a Christian-American with a small family, so what he expected and wanted out of a wedding was very different from what I had planned for our big day.” They reconciled their individual visions for the day with him and his family organising the Christian wedding, while her family took on the responsibility for the Hindu-Indian wedding.

However, Brahmaroutu would eventually discover that since her parents were footing the bill for the wedding, they had the final say. “There is no way to sugarcoat the truth—compromise is very important while planning a wedding,” she shares. As a medical student without a fixed salary until she started her residency, she managed to contribute to specific things she wanted, such as the designer lehengas and shoes, while conceding control over other items to her parents. “I remember wanting a different type of chair for the tables that would have cost a premium. However, my parents decided that it was not important for them to pay for the upgrade, so I had to make my vision come alive with the current chairs we had for the ceremony. You do lose a little control over these creative decisions when someone else is footing the bill,” she acknowledges. 

Splitting the costs

For couples looking to split the expenses for their wedding, there are no rules—the antiquated notion of the bride’s parents organising the entire wedding is fast losing favour as both sides look to be equally involved in the planning process. Patel explains, “While it is not written in stone, there’s a general understanding of who pays for what during a wedding. However, I must add the caveat that every case is different.” The sentiment is echoed by Kunwar Raj, founder of Unfinance, as he shares a guide on which side of the family generally assumes certain financial responsibilities during the wedding:

Engagement party: Historically, the bride’s parents have hosted and paid for the engagement party, but modern practice often sees the couple, or even the groom’s parents, sharing this cost.

Wedding dress: The bride’s family traditionally pays for the bride’s wedding dress, along with peripheral costs such as shoes, jewellery, and hair and make-up.

Photography and videography: Couples are increasingly choosing to split this cost, prioritising it as an essential keepsake from their wedding.

Pre-wedding parties: Costs associated with events like the bachelor and bachelorette parties are usually borne by the respective friends of the bride and groom. Pre-wedding parties are generally self-funded by the couple to celebrate the upcoming wedding.

Honeymoon: Today, it’s common for couples to jointly save for and plan their honeymoon, turning it into a shared adventure. Honeymoon trips may even be gifted, partially or wholly, by close family members or friends.

Wedding ring: The groom usually purchases the bride’s engagement ring and wedding band, while the bride purchases the groom’s wedding band.

Talking the talk

Discussing money can be intimidating, but Raj prescribes the most diplomatic approach for splitting costs as an open and honest conversation about finances with all parties involved. This includes budgets, expectations, and individual financial capabilities with the help of planning tools and apps that can aid in keeping track of costs and ensuring transparency. “Each side of the family could be responsible for certain aspects of the wedding or costs could be split proportionally based on each party’s financial capacity. It is essential to approach these discussions with sensitivity, mutual respect, and the understanding that everyone’s circumstances are different. The ultimate goal is a happy occasion that celebrates love and partnership of the couple and their families—so this process should be collaborative, respectful, and full of joy,” he concludes.

Also Read: Inside Diya Chaitanya and Rohaan Dang’s intimate home wedding in Coorg

Also Read: A menswear guide on how to look stylish while attending weddings

Also Read: What does the future of Indian weddings look like?